I'm just going to spill some stuff from my 360 blogs into here right now...if it doesnt make much sense, dont worry about it. You probably dont need to know. This is from various days, but most of it describes life as I know it right now. Frusteration and love. Yep.
Fall Leadership Conf was yesterday. It was a lot of fun! We went to teh City and I met some new people and stuffs. The workshop me and Jennifer went to was led by a gay guy though. Not cool! Andrea and I are doing the sticky-sweet kill-her-with-kindness thing...I'm about to snap and go crazy on her. I cant stand her anymore! And mommy dearest...yes. My mother. I went home and I was ticked off because I had to hold in all the nasty things I wanted to say all day. Instead of going to the living room, I went and dumped my stuff in my room and tried to raid the empty fridge. When I went to the living room, they (sis and mom) were playing tetris. I was about to turn around when mom asked how my day was. I told her that she better be proud of me because I didnt say any of the things I wanted to. She told me that I should have basically been rude and all that crap and not stayed in the seat I had all ready got my crap spread out in when Andrea came to sit across the isle from me. And that I should have told her to fuck off like I wanted to.
As much as I get frusterated at V, he's helped me through a lot. Yeah, my limits have been pushed to major extremes, and part of it is due to him. Only because he's given me a little more patience and tolerance for stuff. I think about him all the time, now. Sometimes about his kisses, sometimes about his smile, and sometimes just about things I remember about him. Today in Trig, for example, I thought about the note we passed back and forth from Alg II. Just random things like that. He makes me feel beautiful. I feel safe. I'm almost constantly warm now. My heart speeds up when I see him, I can feel it beating in my head when I think about him. I daydream non-stop. My writings have been a little different. I never dreamed that I 'd feel this way about him...I figured that since it started as a crush that it wouldnt work. Guess I was wrong, and I'm really glad I was. I honestly dont see whatever he does in me, but that doesnt matter. I love him so much! I found this on Cherry and it describes perfectly everything I feel right now. V, if you're reading this, I love you!
I'll give you my heart, I'll open it up.
Will you listen to it's small still voice?
For soft and quite my heart does speak to the one I call my love.
Did you hear it dear?
Did you listen well?
Did you understand what it said?
For deep is the Love it speak's to you,
Deep as the Rose is Red.
So take my heart and treat it well
Forever in this life.
Come walk with me your hand in mine
The one I call my love.
Damn...I love how he does that...To yesterday, shall we? School, tech, the usual. He dropped me at the school and I went home and waited for him and his mother to come pick me up and then we went to the fair. I felt really bad for him cuz he squished his finger in the door before he got there and he was in pain. *pout* He fell asleep on my stomach on the way up there and woke up just a little before we got there. We ran around and saw little brother's clock and such and then V got to meet Ryan and that was pretty cool. We got some food and walked around and got a couple shirts and he got me a little rose thing from a game and stuff. For not doing very much there, I had a really good time. I fell asleep on him in the car on the way back.
I found a song that I absolutly hate. The Emo Kid song. It starts out with this kid writing in his diary and that part's ok. The rest of the song is every bad thing that an emo can be. It's not right and it pisses me off that people only see the surface of stereotypes like that. Anyway. Moving on.
My mother and V's mother spent a little too much time together. I guess V's mother said something about us not spending any time together outside of school. My mom's pulled that before, but she did it again. Then yesterday, while having that conversation again, my mother decided that the only reason we're together is because society says that all teens must have a boyfriend/girlfriend. WHAT THE HELL?!? No. Nonono. Much more to it than that.
