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Dear Ninja,
Is commitment a disease? And is looking for commitment rather than a quick bang a bad thing?
~Anonymous
Committment is not a disease (although some of us do avoid it like the plague), and neither is being single. I would like to take a minute to remind people that some of us choose to do bad all by our damn self, and there is nothing wrong with that. It is when you can honestly walk through and not need someone else's acceptance to validate your existance that you can actually find a healthy relationship. It's perfectly fine to settle down. It is never ok to settle.
There are some mental issues that actually make people NEED committment. Codependence can actually be a serious issue. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be in a healthy relationship with someone you care about. There is a LOT wrong with being in a relationship just because you can't be alone. Those relationships tend to get abusive or one-sided, and the fear of being left alone keeps the abused in it.If you constantly tend to be one that jumps from relationship to relationship, I strongly suggest doing some introspection, and possibly some counseling.
Like I said, there is nothing wrong with seeking out a healthy committed relationship. The best way to do this is to actually ask the other party what they are looking as well. Do this in the beginning, it saves a lot of time. If they aren't on the same page as you are, then it won't work. Don't delude yourself into thinking they will want something more with you later on down the road if you just give it time. Usually, you end up heart-broken that way.
ALSO, there's nothing wrong with a friend with benefits if both parties are cool with it. ALWAYS use protection, and maintain open communication. If feelings begin to develop, and the other partner isn't on the same page, it's time to end your deal. You will only get weird stalker crazy, and no one wants to see you outside their house uninvited at 2 am or stalking their new friend with benefits.
Some keys to healthy relationships:
1. Do keep open communicaions -- If something is bothering you, tell the other person about it. The more you keep it to yourself, the more miserable and resentful you will end up. Also, discuss the status of your relationship regularly, to make sure you remain on the same page.
2. Know your limits -- If your partner is not respecting them, then cut your ties. Once you let them push you beyond your limits, they will continue to do it.
3. Do NOT ever use sex as a weapon (this especially goes for the ladies)-- That is the easiest way to ruin a relationship.
4. Keep separate lives apart from your lives together -- There is such thing as spending too much time together. Everyone needs some private time. Decide on one or two nights a week/month that you will spend apart from each other to maintain friendships with others.
Good luck!
