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DAVE's blog: "Poems i wrote"

created on 10/06/2006  |  http://fubar.com/poems-i-wrote/b10767
Once again i was tested, but somehow i kept my cool. For awhile there i was scared, thinking i was going to end up being the fool. You really had me going, with false pretenses of love. I thought you were someone special, a gift from up above. You tried to grab my heart, and completely over take me. And for awhile you had it, but it really wasnt meant to be. Because i have looked into your eyes, and saw what you was really about. You could never love me for me, so there was always that doubt. That you would never change, No matter how hard i tried. I didnt want to deal with that hardship, i couldnt handle all your cries. I tried to comfort you as a friend, but you completly shut me out. You refused to let me talk, no matter what i tried to talk about. So I leave you to yourself, to suck up your own misery. You will no longer bring me down, I am stronger then you will ever be. I thank god for his friendship, that keeps me from going insane. I thank god for his love, that shelters me from all the pain. I thank god for the hope, that there will always be a brighter day. But most importantly I thank god for granting me sanity, that makes all the craziness go away.
Oh how time passes, and feelings totally change. Things were so different before, but are no longer the same. I am still the same person, still have the same name. Still do the same things, still doing my best to dodge pain. But my heart no longer bleeds, i think i will live. I miss you in a way, but there is no more love to give. Atleast not to you, so this is an ending of sorts. Goodbye and good luck, the ball is out of my court. I am ready to move on, and live my life the only way i can. Look forward to the future, keep the time dropping like sand. To forget would be childish, for that is not the kinda person i wish to be. I will remember the good things, and allways hold them close to me. You live and you learn, for better or worse. Keep your head up move along, dont get caught in that curse. I guess what i wanted to say, is that i am perfectly fine. I have changed the way i look at stuff, life only gives you so much time. So i will end this with a smile, instead of a tear. I am strong, ready world? here i come with no fear.
Why is it so hard to watch you go? When i know its for the best. Why is it so hard to show? That our love is being put to the test. Why is it hard to say goodbye. As i watch you walk away. How come i sit here and cry. When i know i cannot change the day. We should of known before, That it was too good to be true. Losing you is making my heart sore, Realizing there is no more me and you. The reasons for this are dumb, Distance, timing, it was all to blame. I know in the future there is some, hope if our feelings remain the same. In another time and another place, things could of worked out. I wanted nothing more then to keep you safe, and to share love without any doubt. But as the way things stand now, The chances are really slim. I still look in your eyes and say wow, But the hope of "us" is growing dim. I wish there was a way, to light that fire again. I wish i had more to say, then lets try to be just friends. Because my love for you is still strong, like the sun in the morning time. Because right now all i feel is wrong, And the way i hurt should be a crime. I have to close my eyes, To block out all the tears. I turn my back and wish myself to die, For you seeing me hurt is my only fear. I wish for you the happiness, That i was never allowed to achieve. I would gladly take away your sadness, If anyone should hurt let it be me.
There are so many things, i wish i would of took the time to say. So many thoughts about tommorrow, and no thoughts about today. I know i still have love for you, but cant go on the way things are. I know i will miss you, because at one time you was my shining star. I would of done anything to make "us" work, but i needed your help. I would of swam the entire ocean, but i couldnt make it by myself. I needed your love, your guidance, and your complete faith in me. I needed you to talk, and tell me the way you wanted things to be. I needed you to listen, and tell me things that bothered you. I needed you to communicate, instead of force me away like u do. I wish things could be different, maybe time will make things change. I still love you, and that will take along time to change. So now i sit here all alone, wondering what the future will hold. How will you react to my words, will it be hot or cold? I wanted nothing more, then to be a part of your life. I wanted to hear your troubles, your fears, and your goals in life. You told me you cant speak about your feelings, and left me in the dark. I felt used and abused, like nothing i said or did caused you any spark. Well the ball is in your court, do what it is you want to do. But if you chose for us to go on, you have to make me believe you.
As I sit here alone, the darkness surrounds me Past, present, future, I cant see my vision is cloudy Where did I go wrong? What would i do if i could make a change? Who can I trust? Is it me or you that should be at blame? I know i made some choices, and at the time i thought they were right I knew i had lost you. Then why did i countine to fight? I tried to look past the argueing, and see the smile on your face I tried to whipe away the tears, even took a step back to slow down the pace We tried to talk it all out, and solve everything with just a hug In the meanwhile hiding our true feelings, with false hopes of love At one time i loved you, for this much i am certian But how does love turn to anger,and happiness to hurting? How does ones feelings flip, in the course of only a few days? How can we leave eachother so suddenly, with so much more to say? Do u miss me? Did you ever love me? So many questions run through my head Do i really want to know the answers? Am i better off alive or dead? Am i asking myself too much? that i might just flip my mind and go insane? Is that really a bad thing? Is sunshine really better then rain?
Fade away love, I trink i have shed enough tears, Fade away love, Take with you all my fears. Fade away love, I am done being nice. Fade away love, Because your heart is like ice. Fade away love, You never looked into my eyes, Fade away love, Take with you your phony cries. Fade away love, Dont ever call my name, Fade away love, Dont get mad your the one to blame. Fade away love, Dont even try to look me in the face, Fade away love, I turn walk away and pick up the pace. Fade away love, I wish to push it away, Fade away love, For today hasnt been my day. Fade away love, Your voice stings my heart, Fade away love, I should of listened from the start. Fade away love, I am so sick of being blind. Fade away love, Im tired there is no more time. Fade away love, So far far away, Fade away love, There is nothing left to say. So fade away love, To a place i cannot see, Fade away love, Because it was never meant to be.
I ask myself as i prepare to write. What is going wrong in my life? I try so hard, and recieve so little. What is the answer to this riddle? Sometimes i feel like all is well. The suddenly, everything is not so swell. Is your path written the day you came to earth? Or does your choices start right at birth? Too many questions, they always cloud my mind. Life is never fair, and hardly ever kind. Somedays i wish i would never awake. Sometimes i wish, there was a way to escape. Away from my probelms, away from the pain. Into a world with sunshine and no rain. Love is a plauge that scars my heart. Makes me smile then rips me apart. This world is cold, theres no doubt about that. Its out to get me, a full fledged attacked. One that peirces my soul, and cannot be healed. It seems to me, that it never mattered how i feel. I tried to give it my best, and then some. But it bit me, so now i am on the run. Running away, as far as i can. A distant memory, blowing away like sand. Time is working against me, my feelings lay way. To the person i once was, that i am no longer today. Pain will make ya change, and cause you to go crazy. Love will make ya blind, your defenses all lazy. But then in 3 or 4 words, you will wake from the trance. With tears falling down your face, vowing never again to take a chance. I really hate myself for loving, as much as i did. I should of known better, who was i to kid? Fairy tales are for books, and movies with happy endings. Not for real life or me, i need to stop pretending. I wish i had the power, to turn back the past. I wish i could, have the future in my grasp. But none of that is possiable, eaither is happiness. I rather be alone and depressed, then filled with this sadness. I seriously dont know what to do, or if i should even try. I wish i could close my eyes, and just wait to die. I want to be mad, and scream curses outloud. But i will just sit here, acting too proud. I thank god for my writings, that keep me somewhat sane. I dont know what i would do if this became too much to tame. Why does everything happen at once, causing my world to crash down. I banked on one thing, and even that let me down. Never again will they hear my voice, or call my name. You may call but i wont answer, i aint mad just too much pain.
Arise with sunshine, even though you slept with pain. Arise with birds singing, even though last night it was rain. Arise and rejoice, you made it through another day. Even though last night, you felt like taking your life away. Pain will be overcome, time has a way to heal. Tears will rinse away, no matter how bad you feel. Today is a new day, hopefully better then before. Today can be a new start, something you always dreamed for. Dont dwell on the past, it will drive you insane. Try not to think about the hurt and the pain. Living for yesterday will never let them thoughts go away. Relax and just remember there will always be a new day.
As i sit here and think about all and everything, I wonder what i was seeing, blindly it seems. The end has came near and took away the light, The end has suffocated me and took away my fight. I give up i cant take it, i push it away for good. I sit i cry i get over it, because i should. Another lesson learned, another scar on my heart. I never should of fell,i told myself that at the start. But does life listen? when you speak outloud. I tried to be fair, but it working both ways i guess werent aloud. Now i realize tragic as it seems. That the end, really was meant to be. Life is so complicated, sometimes it drives me insane. How come the ending always has to end in pain? Where is the happiness, it must of flow away. Where is the joy, that i felt back in the days? Where is my mind, why do i feel like i do? Where is my heart, if its no longer with you? They say pain and suffering makes you grow strong. I say they bring you to your knees questioning what did i do wrong? I know right now i am struggling to come up with words. I feel beat up and broken, lying dead on a curb. The thoughts surround my head, as memories flood my brain. I close my eyes quickly, clutching my fist trying to stop the pain. Too many questions, not enough answers. I sit here shaking, chain smoking, working on lung cancer. But WHATEVER, lifes a bitch then you die. Welcome to the end, u know the reason why.
Happiness found me, the day you said you loved me. I close my eyes and vision, how things could be. I never knew i could find, someone so perfect in every way. The smile on your face, has me singing throughout the day. I dream about you nightly, your love carries me away. To a place i never been, i so thankful i dont know what to say. The thought of your touch, drives me to peaks i never knew. The look on your face, has me thinking of things i would do. I want to wrap my arms around you tight, and never let go. I want to say i love you so many times, so that you will always know. I want to experance life at its greatest, with you by my side. I want to share with you my fears, for you are my pride. I wish i could be with you, all through the night. Your love has taken ahold of me, flying me higher then a kite. Your lips look tasty, like a drug i am hooked. Your eyes so sexy, i go crazy when you give me that look. I could spend forever just looking at your face. My body starts to sweat when your talk, my heart starts to race. I want to thank you, for being the one and only one for me. I hope you are happy, just as happy as you make me.
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