Nikki's blog: "Passion"

Ease my pain,ease my troubles and worries i am afraid my heart is too weak as is my mind.I am afraid if you walk back into my life i will not be able to heal as i have before.Please take care with my heart,cradle it will all the love and care you would show a new baby for it is easily susceptible to pain and sorrow.You have the key to my heart so use it wisely.

im so tired.i worked more than an 8 hr shift and u wouldnt think that sitting at a computer all day would tire u but damn.My whole upper part of my body hurts and im really tired of thinking.lolAnwyays show sum luv help me level up if u read this

i feel sick to my stomach right now because I feel like i was holding someone i love dearly back.He found someone who makes him happy and even though i still long to be with him his happiness means the world to me.I feel like i've alienated him and thats why he is so distant from me he is not the only person that i have alienated tho i've pushed many people away and i feel horrible about it.idk i just feel bad right now.i've had a horrible past few days.Itd be nice if someone would tlk to me right now.maybe try and cheer me up.

This disfiguring heart bleeds tears of sorrow for those who deceive and show nothing but hate. I can no more hide my feelings for those I love and those I despise I have been hurt for the last time No more shall I show mercy to those that deceive me and break my heart No more shall I cry tears of sorrow in the dark and let my heart bleed profusely I must be strong for those unwilling to do it themselves I must be strong for myself weakness is unacceptable Pain shall no longer hold me back For so long I let it kept me weak, it held me back but not anymore I have overcome obstacles I never thought possible so I will move on with my life and never again let pain hold me back I will never look back on the past for it has brought me nothing but a broken heart

I've been in your life since the day you were born,never leaving your side.I've held your hand through the rough parts of both our lives,shielding you from ugliness that was present in our lives,I protected you, care for u,loved you and did all that i believed was right by you.In return you turn you back on me,showing nothing but hate and decieve me from the real you.I love you with all my heart but as you fall from the skies above I must let you catch your balance for I can no more save you from your self.I have a heavy heart today as i bear bad news about my babysister.Im confused and torn I dont know what to do.I love her but am so lost as to what I can do to help her find the right path for her.

You know how sometimes you go to bed with a heavy heart and hope to wake up with the feeling gone and everything back to normal?Well i went to bed with a heavy heart and woke up with one.I feel ashamed for the way I feel but i dont know how to deal with it.I know how to fix this problem so i never have these feelings again but not having him in life is not an option never has been never will be.Im just confused i have someone who really cares for me and i care for him too but im afraid of so many things i just dont know what to do anymore.Im just ranting this morning so i apologize if anything i've just said makes no sense whatsoever.

i just wanna break down and get on my knees and beg him back into my life but it sickens me to know anyone can have this much power over me,how just talking to him for a minute brings everything i ever felt for him back in a second.Sometimes i wonder if he knows the power he holds over me,if he knows how far i would go for him,if he knows the love i truely have for him.When we meant it was like "damn this man is gonna be mine one day" and when it happened i kept my joy to myself, i kept my feelings to myself in fear he would reject me ,in fear he would say it wasnt like that for him but that wasnt the case instead he said he was in love with me that i was what he wanted.His love is all i ever wanted and without him in my life,i am able to move on able to find someone who loves me as much as i love him but im so afraid i'll never find it,im afraid he's already passed me up.I shouldnt feel this way,i shouldnt want someone who doesnt want me but i cant help it.I wish that one day he reads what i write and he says come back wishful thinking i know but still its a nice thought.

Damn everytime i talk to him,everytime i look at our pictures together i am reminded of how much i still love him.My heart is a heavy cloud,waiting to release the pain ,anguish and love I have for him.I want one more chance ,one more chance to show him how much i love him,to show him what a great guy he is and how i can give him the life he deserves.My heartbreaks just thinking about his smile,thinking about how he used to hold me in his arms, thinking of how when she was near he gave me looks of "i love you".Our secret i shall ever keep close to my heart ,our secret i shall take to the grave for he means that much to me.... i just wish i meant that much to him.He knows who he is,he knows what i speak of I just wish he knew what i felt.Just to hear him utter words of love towards me would make me whole again.

The brokenhearted float along the driftless sea,wandering the endless depths of a painful,sometimes non-exist life. We get lost in our own minds,lost in the pain and suffering, lost in the simplicity of love,and the ones we wish we could call our own.I float amoung the dead,the lifeless,the unloving,and heartbroken,trying to find my way back to the one who I truely wish I could call my own.I watch as he loves another,as he kisses anothers lips,holds anothers hand and gives his heart away.

Your tears fall from the bloody sky in drops as big as my hand,anger sears through me as I am not able to take your pain away.Your brokenheart has not healed,your brokenheart bleeds endlessely for one you cannot have,for one that does not deserve you.Your endless love is a selfish love,it is a love that holds you to the darkness, carrying you through you pain deeper and deeper never releasing you from its grasp blinding you from what it is in front of you,blinding you from one that truely loves you,for one that truely deserves you.This love is a killer, a disease that will destroy you inside and out. As your heart yearns for another my heart bleeds for you as I from the sidelines as you die slowly.