Must be time to make order out of the chaos in my mind - I'm waking up at odd times, early morning times, with thoughts running around like their hair is on fire (I love that expression, lol!!)!
First, an apology of sorts, lol! If I have disturbed you with my thoughts and rambling, either through my blogs or when we are chatting, I am very sorry! My best friend Stacey believes that I am here to make people think about things they would rather not think about, lmao! That may be!
At this point in my life, I am on an adventure and exploring new and somewhat uncomfortable terrain - in my mind, at this point! I am acknowledging my Dark or Shadow side and trying to find balance within myself. You can't deny your Shadow side, my friends, because it will eventually come back and bite you on the ass!! I'm a Gemini, friends! I am now and forever wanting to learn new things, understand what makes one do the things one does. Given the opportunity I would gladly learn about EVERYTHING!!
But keep in mind, just because I am asking questions about certain things, exploring certain ideas and issues, it does not mean I am doing or have ever done some of those things, lol!
I am open to looking at, discussing, ruminating, researching, thinking about almost anything! Note the qualifier: ALMOST!! I find I need to bounce things off of other people, get their viewpoints, etc. Unfortunately, I assume everyone is as open to exploration as I am, lmao! NOT! I have truly disturbed a few people, I think.
I love all my past life companions dearly! One of the great joys in my life has been to find my old friends/lovers/family members again. Some are closer to me than others, lol, as you might guess! And not all are at the same juncture in their Journey, even though we have shared one or many, many lifetimes in each others company! I have to remember this - I tend to assume on occasion that we are all at the same place, lmao! WE ARE NOT!
Now to the specific apologies, of sorts!
I have been married 3 times. This lifetime has been fraught with romantic disasters for me!! I finally realized that standard marriage is difficult for my personality to handle, so be it! In finding my past life companions, quite a few of which are past life lovers/spouses/ friends with benefits, lots of past life affection - love, if you will - is presenting itself. I feel like I'm in the middle of my own bloody harem!!! Not a bad thing, but not particularly comfortable at times. So, I began a study of polyamory! I am not now, nor have I ever been in, a polyamorous relationship! I am however finding that love continues across the ages with at least 5 of my past life guys! No wonder I've had problems this time around - I'm still quite tightly connected to at least three!! Life lessons, all over the place! I'm learning to deal with myself, lol! Strange happenings lead one to study strange things!!!!!
One of my past life companions has issues with my discovery of the pain/pleasure principle - guess I like my piercings a little too much for his comfort! That's OK, but I have found he has a very sensitive spirit in that regard. For many reasons, he spends very little time at CT now. I hope he cruises through and reads this apology, I truly did not realize it would disturb him so much!
Some are finding me disturbingly openminded! There's that word disturb again! At CT you come in contact with all kinds of people with all kinds of ideas, all kinds of turn ons! I tend to move forward, rather than back away - I want to know what makes them tick, what in their lives have made them the way they are - being turned on by something most would consider gross! One past life companion is still not speaking to me because I CHOOSE to accept someone with ideas he does not understand and frankly finds gross! Sorry, this is just the way I am! I accept your behavior as well, sweetie! THIS DOES NOT MEAN I CHOOSE TO ENGAGE IN WHAT TURNS THEM ON!!!!
I have a most diverse group in my friends list, just take a look at all of them, if you don't believe me, lol! Young and not so young, every spiritual persuasion you could imagine, every color and lifestyle imaginable! I like it this way! I'd like to think we all learn from each other!
This is getting long! I had much more to talk about, but I guess another blog entry will have to cover the other topics, lol!
I am disgustingly optimistic, I love unconditionally - I'm not talking sex here, OK, I am open-minded to a fault. Hate turns me off! We truly don't have time for hate! So sorry if I disturb some of my friends at times, but this is me! I like company on my explorations, but I will try to be more careful who I choose to include, for your sake!
Much love, Dear Ones! Much love!