“I love you darling!”
Those words always haunt me! Why u may ask? Well let me tell you!
It all started well a long time ago….. The years have swept past me so fast that I have forgotten to count them! Hehe! Well then I was a young man then! 23 I believe! I fell in love with an angel…or so I thought! She was everything I could want and more! She knew things I could never know. Yet she was always saying “wow I never knew that my love!”
The years went by and one day I asked for her hand! She was happy! Saying “oh my love yes yes! I will give you my hand!” we where wed soon after!
Everything was going good until one day I hear her come home…… she comes into the study and walks over to me, leans down and we kiss…. “I love you darling!” she says.
At this point I didn’t know anything was wrong! If I had simply looked I would have seen the sigh’s!
It wasn’t until almost a year had past that she became more and more reckless with her meeting’s! then I started to notice…. So one day I followed her and she went to her friends house….. I looked into the bedroom window and what I saw chilled me to the bone! They where!!! How could she! I gave her love….I gave her money! And this is how she repays me! ME! I left and went home! I went inside and sat down……I just sat there for hours contemplating the thing’s I could do to her! The pain I could give her! I thought of the blade up in my desk? Yes that would end all this! But I didn’t want it to end I wanted to know why?
Finally she came home!….she came into the room and stopped dead still! She just stood there staring at me…”what’s wrong darling?” she asked I just sit there……. She starts to look worried….”please tell me what’s wrong your worrying me??”…..I don’t respond! Finally I stand up! She gasps…… I walk towards her until I’m right in front of her! I think of striking her right here! Of throwing her against the far wall!
I lift my arm and bring it to her face so slowly…..she is petrified…….I look deep into her eyes….”I loved you” is all I said….she start to cry…..”I’m sorry it was just one time but I couldn’t stop it she wouldn’t let me stop please believe me!!!” I removed my hand from her soft beautiful face and turned away…..as I walked off I said “you know you could have come to me nymph! You know I would have understood!” and I went to my study where I stayed for the reminder of the day…..
It wasn’t until late evening when she walks into my study! She looks at me and notices the bottle sitting on my desk and the half full glass untouched……she looks upset….and like she has been crying for a long time! “will you come to bed darling?” she asks.. “not tonight I have a lot of work to do u go ahead, and have a good sleep” I rely…. She looks upset….turns and walks bake to the bedroom….. Two days later and I haven’t moved far….when I walk past her she looks scared yet I just keep walking…… I think of how easy it would be to just hit her until I feel again! But my heart is still cold! And I cant bear to have that woman touch me….. Finally she confronts me! “please yell at me! Tell my how bad I am fucking hit me! Just do something!!!” I stare at her for what seems ages! I slowly lift my hand to her soft face…..it is soo hard to touch her knowing that this face was touched by that bitch!! I slowly speak “I will not give you what you want nymph! You will not hear me yell at you but I am, you will not hear the names I call you but I am, and you will never feel me hit you! But I am! I want you to know I loved you! I gave you my heart and my soul yet you wanted more! I never once asked why you wouldn’t let my have sex with you I was happy to just touch you! Yet now you go behind my back and you don’t tell me! When we met what did I say to you?” she thinks and looks away from my piercing eyes “you said that if I ever got the urge to go to some one else for love the I could tell you and you would understand! But I am sorry darling I” I stop her mid sentence “no! you had your chance! Now you will pay for what you have done! Good bye” and I turned and left!
It has been a few years since then and still I think of this! I think of all the pain and all the lost love! I miss her but that pain she gave to me has made my heart cold….I am Michael! And no one dose that to me! I give trust I expect that trust to be respected! I say if you feel you want to go to someone else for love tell me and I will understand! But if you cross me….. You get nothing! Nothing!
I wish sometimes late at night that I had done things differently! But I cant take it back! I cant give the love I lost! I am pain! I am the hurt! You will never hurt me again! Because there is nothing to hurt!
I am empty! I am the void! Now my time is finished! I had done what I was sent here to do! I wrote what could not be written! I will relearn one day! But that will not be for a long time to come!
