No...this is not about someone you know, so don't assume that. I just want to vent out something that I won't be able to say to this bitch because I will never speak to her again, and so I felt like putting it here..it helps relieve stress.
You are a worthless bitch, and I am finally coming to realize that. You are two-faced, a coward and a liar, saying anything you can to anybody who will listen to make them believe you to be a better person. You tell stories to get people to believe in you, when you don't believe in yourself. You say one thing to one person, another to somebody else, and mean neither..you just say what you think is right to get people to like you and trust you, but you are as shallow as a papercut, and twice as annoying.
You beg for attention, you think that your body will get you everything you desire. It won't. It will get you used, disrespected, and ridiculed. Normally I would try to protect you from that, I would try to force people to see past your appearance and pay attention to the person beneath...but I won't be fooled any longer. That shallow good-for-nothing exterior is truly as deep as you are. When you dig beneath the surface, you don't reach the quality of your soul..but instead the rancid stench of your bullshit. The people you admire, and desire respect from, are the ones who disrespect you the most, the ones who ridicule you when you aren't paying attention. Their "friendship" is as shallow as your act, and as deep as the profound nothingness of your consideration for others.
You push away those who truly care about you, and ignore them because the clamors of the "bad boys" are all you pay attention to. You believe what they say to your face, and ignore the words said behind your back. It is better to be loved by a few than to receive bullshit words of praise from many who don't care about you. You would rather have someone say you are hot, than give half a chance to someone who respects you for who you are rather than what you look like.
That is sad. Your shallow lifestyle and inability to trust and love others...shall leave you broken and alone. You can never be with one person, because your mind focuses too much on someone calling you hot..you can't understand they just say that because you are so willing to debase yourself for the compliments. They don't think you are hot, they think you are easy. You aren't beautiful to them, you are a piece of meat. And yet...they mean more to you than the ones who will stand up for you, protect you, give up everything they have to make you happy and keep you from the kind of pain your shallow lifestyle will inflict upon you.
Your lies will catch up to you, if they have not already. I can see your life unraveling, even if you cannot see it yourself. I can see you ignoring the ones who will be good to you, I can see you drifting off to pretend you are "cool". It will amount to nothing, it will only bring you pain and misery. I tried to be there for you, I tried to help you...but you wouldn't allow it. I always respected you, until recently..until I realized that the lies and bullshit games were truly all there was to you. I thought there was a decent person inside you, but that was just me believing the lies, hoping too much that there was something in you worthy of saving. I still watch you, baffled horror wracking my heart, trying to understand why you go to the lengths you do to be accepted by people who don't matter..but I'm not as superficial as you are. I don't care what strangers say, what shallow people think. I care about the people who are worthy of my respect. I care about the people who deserve my trust. I care about the type of people I thought you were.
Now...I'm just at a loss. I don't care to help you anymore, I'm tired of being burned for it. I don't care about being there for you, when you don't want me there. I don't care about saving you, when it only hurts me in the end. But I can't stop watching. It's fascinating to see someone as completely oblivious to reality as you attempt to...do whatever the hell you are trying to do. I can't even understand that. I see you manipulating people, but I don't see why..I don't see any goals in your malicious behavior. It's like a gruesome car wreck...I don't want to see it, but I can't stop watching.
I'm torn between wishing you would change, and turn things around, become the person I hope you are deep inside..and wanting you to be miserable just so I can laugh at you for all your bullshit coming back to you.
