SexiChica88's blog: "on my mind"

So I never thought that perfection existed until I met this boy. He is everything I could have EVER dreamed of and SO MUCH MORE. He makes my heart stop when I'm with him (not literally bc that could be bad, lol) and he makes me never want to leave him. I haven't known him THAT long but in this short time that I have known him I feel like I've fallen in love with him. Everything abot him is amazing. From his smile, to his gorgeous brown eyes, to his "oh-so-perfect" hair, to his finding humor in everything, to his "Fuck the World" attitude sometimes. He is sweet and innocent, yet not at the same time. I haven't quite figure him out completely yet but everything I have I love. Is it normal to not find ONE THING you don't like about someone? Is it ok for me to let my guard down? I'm afraid to trust him though... Let me give you a little bit of a rundown on why....

So from the time I was 8 until I was 15 I was sexually, mentally, and physically abused by men... (yes as in plural) Finally when i got out of the abusive situations I was in it seemed like every relationship with any guy I got with was abusive in some way. I'm terrified to let anyone get to me. i tend to shut people out for fear of getting hurt again yet my biggest fear is the fear of being alone. I know I know it makes no sense, but I can't control how I feel...I read this amazing quote and its so true with me. "I don't put up this wall to keep people out, but to see who truely cares enough to climb over it to get to the real me"

So back to me rambling on about this guy.... He took me up to this place.. its "OUR" place now... Its baseball fields after closing.. its dark and beautiful. There is not a soul to be found.. we're completely alone.. Its where he first kissed me. Where we first danced under the stars and now where we first made love... Yes I said made love... He has my love and my life and they are HIS for as long as he wants them... I would go to the stars for this guy. i would live and die for him. I would do anything he wanted and wouldn't regret any of it... The more I think about it the more I've realized that I think I've seriously found my soul mate.... I never believed in that before but with him I believe SOMETHING had to have brought us together.. Idk what it is but I love it and I never want to lose him.

Enough about my boring randomness.. Just had the urge to tell someone about what's going through my head.. Even if no one ever reads this at least I got it out....