LadyIcedKatt's blog: "Journal...Life leading to/after gastric bypass"

Gotta love doctor offices that have staff that are so incompitent they make your life crazy. So here's the scoop as to why I say that. As my regulars should well know by now, the doctor I deal with now is not one of my favorite offices to visit. I've had nothing but problems from the get go (january this year). It just got worse. So much worse that it could mean I have to do 3 more months of doctor supervised wieght loss. If I decide to say fuck it and find a new doctor, it will mean 6 months. So yea, nice long possible delay I'm facing here. Here's the story. My surgeon office needs a copy of the medical stuff I went through with my old doctor that left her practice (6 months weight loss supervision, note the 6 month ggrrrr, I also had 4 months nutritionist and a mental evaluation. Luckily those 2 offices the surgeon has the results so no worries there). In January when I switched to my new doctor, I signed paperwork to get copies of my medical records sent over. I also signed paperwork to have those same copies sent over to the surgeon. A month later I signed yet again to have those copies sent to surgeon. 3rd month when I asked if the records had been transfered yet, I was told no, when was it needed. I mentioned how I'd already signed twice. So needless to say I signed yet a 3rd time and was told it would be done that day. I think it actually was within a few days but it did get done. Partially....They sent a copy of the records of my visits from Jan, Feb and March of this year. Not a single thing from my old doctors office! The paperwork that was needed! The stuff from this year doesn't factor in at all!! So this past saturday the surgeons office leaves me a message. I get stuck waiting until today to call back. I called back at 8:30 am and found out the wrong records were sent and I needed to get it taken care of. I do have some luck, but just barely. IF the surgeons office can't get my old doctors record copies, I will have to see my new doctor for the next 3 months with a weight supervision. They will let the first 3 months slide due to the fact that I was being seen by doctor.LUCKILY as well, because of the fact I'm waiting on the sleep apnea test (may 2), I'll be able to slick in april, and may, and with the result waiting and approval waiting, june will be gotten in as well. The nurse said the soonest anything is gonna happen at this point is in June. So, needless to say, I was pretty damned pissed off. End of work day, I go straight to my doctor's office. I go up to the receptionist with a snippity tone and proceed to inform her I have a problem and want to know whats going on. We talk. Then she informs me the information that has my blood boiling, my eyes ready to shoot razor blades and wanting to truely, honestly BEAT THE SHIT OUTTA SOMEONE! They don't send copies of copies of medical records out! I was like why the fucking hell wasn't I told this months ago when all this started! (no I didn't swear at her because she wasn't the nurse I normally deal with but I was tight voiced to say the least because she got visibly tensed and tight voiced back, if only she knew what was going on in my mind!). So now I have to go to the surgeon and have them try to get my old no longer in business doctor to send them copies of records that said doctor had already sent out. AAAARRRRGGGGGG!!!!!!!!! (theres a snarly, growly, grumbly Katt happening at this moment). IF the surgeon can't get the records, its either gonna be 3 or 6 months set back for me. It will all depend on how well I can hold my temper and get my normally very patient self back into patience mode. NOT something that is going to be easy (and for those that know me, thats saying a lot considering I've been told multiple times I've the patience of a saint. Saint my ass this time, my old hot headed mean self is popping through with this bullshit issue. And yes, a long time ago I was one mean fucking bitch.). Fun fun fun, happy happy happy, joy joy joy (said with a sickningly sweet voice and snarl on my face). I may just have to report this new doctors office to the better business bureau, something I've never done, but by the Goddess its coming down to it! *takes a deep breath* So anywhoo, things are getting funner all the time. I'm telling ya, I'm gonna be looking like my bro, Karnage, by the time its all said and done and I get surgery. BALD (from ripping my hair out)! More to be written later

Ok, don't fall over in heart failure reggie peeps. Your not seeing things. 3 days in a row! The last 2 not icky. Pretty nifty huh lol. So today I figured I would be a tad bit smart to do a bit of explaining as to what the gastric bypass actually is. I won't go into too much detail because I actually did a little bit of research to find a couple good sites that show and explain more about the surgery then I can tell. So here are some sites. http://www.bariatricedge.com/dtcf/pages/gastric_bypass.htm?pgn=6 This is the surgery I am more then likely going to have. http://www.bariatricedge.com/dtcf/pages/band.htm?pgn=6 This the the lapband surgery. http://www.bariatricedge.com/dtcf/pages/home_visited.htm This is the site address, good information. http://www.clevelandclinic.org/health/health-info/docs/2500/2534.asp?index=9671 Another site with information on surgery. In general, basically what is done with the gastric bypass is..... your cut in the belly, either railroad style or tiny slices (aka full cut or laproscopic). The top part of your tummy is cut to the size of a small pouch (about thumb size). Then the top part of the inestine is cut away from the bottom of the detached tummy and re-attached to the pouch. Apparently though, they leave the actual tummy in ya even though it won't be used again. Doesn't make sense to me but I'll find out more next time I actually see the surgeon. So after your made into fillet o' purrson and then sewn back together, you spend a few days in the hospital. Then you go home and begin your new life of eating portions fit for a sparrow. You loose at least 50% of your excess weight and usually will be settled into your new normal wieght within 2 years. Each purrson looses differently so read the technically stuffs for more accurate details. But anywhoo, thats the bypass in a nutshell. Now for the lapband in a pinch. The lapband is usually done laproscopic (small slits then small scope and tools sqeezed into the said small snippets, this way is a lot easier to recover from as your only dealing with a few couple inch booboo's instead of a really long railroad track booboo). So the surgeon scopes your tummy and uses a special balloon to create a small pouch at the top of the tummy. Then the basically special big rubber band is put around the bottom of that pouch and is adjustable via a cord that sticks out of your side or whereever. This one you can consider yourself one of those yoyo things or those noisey kid toys where you pull the string and the toy revovles singing music. This procedure is the safest but with slower results. I am still having some trouble debating if I want to be cut or turned into a yoyo. Either way is pretty damned scarey. I'm actually thinking about joining a gym so I can do some water arobics and use the hot tub (being a typical Leo, I always have tension in my upper back and neck, drives me bonkers, not that I have a long drive to get to bonkersville. Tend to get there with the body in neutral, facing uphill.). My step bro's wife, ah hell my step sis, was telling me about the one she joined and I got into thinking, with me having arthris in my spine and knees, excercising in a pool would be best for me. I used to love to swim before I turned into the beached whale. I was a dolphin dame way back when lol. The thought of the pool and then hot tub treatments is the first thing thats snagged my attention for excercise in a long time. I think its cause I know I won't hurt like I do when I walk or do out of water excercise (not that I do those things anymore other then doing 8 to 10 hours a day on my feet walking around my cell at work, when I can make it to work. Its been bad the last couple months to where I'm missing 1 to 2 days a week due to severe pain. I'm on the family leave act thingy so work won't fire me and they know I am trying to get it taken care of with the surgery so are a tad bit more patient.) But anywho, enough rambling. I may do another entry very soon. Or I may not. Who knows lol. Its gonna be almost another month till the doctory side of this surgery stuffs goes any further. Happy Easter to all those that do Easter. More to be written later.

Uhoh, 2 entries in 2 days. Scarey huh? Relax, I'm actually feeling quite normal (even though its taken 6 darvacet and 2 800 mg ibuprophen, but hey, I'm not depressed today cause I can handle the pain, is a good thing it is). I know I'm having more bad days then good now but I'm trying to find ways to help that when I can think properly. I do try to pull myself through this even though it may seem lately that I'm simply a total wimpering idiot. But hey, I am at times. I'm stressed out. I'm hurting like hell most of the time physically. I'm quite frustrated. Shit happens. I'll get over it and eventually be quite embarassed at my low times even though I know deep down it happens. So I bet my regulars are thinking something along the lines of "Ok Katt, whats up your sleeve that your in a good mood after sooo much bad mood times?". Well let me tell ya the answer to that. Its my arms. But then again, I'm wearing sleeveless shirt right now so I'm thinking that maybe that means I don't have anything up my sleeves. *Smirks* Gotta likes me when I'm in a good mood huh :). So to be semi serious, I must admit its quite frustrating to be having such up and down days but hey, I'll take the good days any time! I'm in a yappy mood, so fair warning this more then likely is going to be long. But with good reason IMO. I had the thought today that maybe I should explain some things and also let ya'll know what I hope to do to help make this journal more interesting and informative (no I'm not gonna be a book worm and go all technicallish on ya, I don't have the patience to research anything so boring, I save my researcherizing for my pagany stuffs.) So anywhoo, time to be mostly serious. I must yet again remind ya'll that anything I say in here comes strictly from my purrspective. I am in no way, shape or form a doctory type nor do I intend to be. I simply write my experiences and what I've learned and what I think. Consult professional types for the technical stuffs. Consult me for my opinions, thoughts and feelings etc only. Well, the occasional giggle or few can be gotten too (least I hopes so). This journal is simply about sharing what I'm going through to help others that are either going to go through, thinking about having the gastric bypass or those people that are helping the intended surgeried people. I'm being totally open, honest and upfront in everything I write. Every doctor that does this procedure, or those similar (part of why I'm writting today), has their own set standards etc. DO NOT expect to go through the exact same steps as I am if your having the bypass. I'm not sure exactly why I felt I had to put that in today but I go with my gut feeling (pun actually only slightly inteneded there) and its almost always correct. So anywhoo on to the other reason I am writting today. I got a phone call last night and was told my step sibling's mother had gotten the green light for her surgery procedure. She is having the Lapband done. Quite different procedure then what I am going to have but the results are the same. I've actually thought about having the lapband done because its similier and less risky. Who knows, I may just change my mind and go with that instead of the "actual" bypass. Ya know, as I write that, it dawns on me that I don't think I've actually ever explained the surgical procedure. Hmm, I'm thinking I need to do that DAAAHHHH on me lmao. Anywhoo, I'm going to talk to my step family's mom (we were actually good friends at one point, much to EVERYONE's surprise lol but we've not talked in a long time). I'm going to ask her if she would like to do input or let me put some of her experiences with having the lapband surgery in here. I thought it would actually be a good way to show different ways of loosing the weight with the different surgeries. I'm not sure exactly how I'll go about doing that, but I'll figure that out after I've talked to her. Pretty good idea, huh :). See, I'm not just a smartass, I'm a smarty pants! But then again I could just be a smartass in smartypants cause that's where ass's go ya know. I think that since this entry is another long one, I'll save the other couple things for the next few days. Note to self: Write about actual surgeries, the water thing and and and and well phooey, I forgot what the other things were. Blah! I hate brain farts. They may take the pressure off but main its a pain when it blows needed thoughts out my ears too. Yeesh. More to be written later.

There is actually a point and lesson to this rambling, long entry. Today means there is only 1 month to go of waiting for the sleep apnea test. So little time. Yet so distant it seems impossible that it will ever get here. I'm going down hill faster because of the frustration and pain levels. I keep trying to tell myself just a few more weeks. Not much time compared to all the time I've been through already. It ain't working. I've begun to notice the depression signs are back. Not the OCD, the old, regular depression (not that depression of any sort is regular but is the best way to put it). Seems an enemy of mine that I will never escape. Too much time. Goddess its weighing me down so hard and I'm being driven insane! I took a vacation day for friday so I could have a 3 day weekend. Some time to myself to enjoy peace and quiet while everyone else was away for the weekend. To get my room spring cleaned, organized and set up the way I want. Yea, that was a frigging joke and massive waste of time. I slept most of it. Literally. I had to of slept a good 20 hours a day each day. I literally could not stay awake for more then a few hours. It was NOT a restfull sleep either. I kept waking up every couple to few hours either because I was thirsty due to sweating horribly bad or dog wrestling for bed space or to take the 3 dogs outside or feed them or potty break (hey we all do the potty thing so theres no reason I shouldn't mention it, yeesh, drop the horrified fasade). I was rather bummed friday because I was supposed to spend the day with a nifty online friend learning EverQuest. I woke up with a headache early, played a little bit but couldn't take the pain so had to message him a half hour or so before time that I was going to lay back down and let some meds work on the headache. I should have known right then and there things were going to be bad! Ah the 3 dogs. That was a trip. Ever try to take care of and entertain 3 animals when physically your body is shut down so hard that walking around the house leaves you on the verge of tears because of struggling so hard? Yeah, lots of fun, let me tell ya. Ever try to sleep on a twin bed: a 5ft 11 400 pound woman, a 50 to 60 pound full grown boxer dog, a 5 pound miniture dachund, and a 7 or 8 pound crippled furry tacobell dog? Lets not forget that the fat lady has to have a pillow behind her back against to wall, double pillow between knees as well as usual head pillow. So thats 1 fat woman, 1 big dog, 2 little dogs and 4 pillows. On a twin bed. And we did it for 3 nights. We all lived through it too. I'm still trying to figure that one out. Got to admit, its strange to have a big dog play footsies with you and you both loose yet win. First night was horrible. I was like OMG LA move your arse off my feet! Then she was like OMG Crystal move your fat arse off my paws! Eventually we learned to share and I'd use her as my foot rest and then she'd use me as her paw and head rest. It was all good by the middle of the 2nd night. Lucky for my I have big feet so it evened out the war with the 4 paws. What about the little dogs you ask? How'd they survive the "Titans Battle For Supremacy Of The Foot Of The Bed"? They were smart. They slept in the curve of my upper body. They only had to put up with some horrible snoring from both ends of the bed. No biggie. Did I mention the fact that I slept in damned near the exact same position each night/day, all night/day? Big dog curled in arch of legs, little dogs curled in arch of torso. So yea, my right side hurts like hell from sleeping on it without very much movement for 3 nights. Its a wonder my right side isn't as flat as a pancake and my left side fluffy as a cake. But then again the occasions where the little dogs would lay on my side helped keep that fluff from getting too fluffy. Gotta love dogs. They did help me. I'd start crying (like I said, depression signs are setting in) and they'd look at me and just stare like they were actually listening to me as I blubbered stupid stuff. For some reason LA (the Boxer) usually decided that was the time for play and would start wrestling me. Dumb dog. Don't tell her it worked would ya. She already thinks she's queen of the domain and might gloat over making me feel better for a little bit. Oh yea, she usually wins the wrestling matchs. Go figure. So anywhoo, I guess I better wind this down. There is a lesson IMO in all this concerning Gastric bypass surgery. The longer the wait is, the more stressful it gets. The more stressful it gets, the more likely the purrson on the waiting end is going through a hell of a lot of emotions, mostly bad. Watch for signs of depression. Try to help them keep from withdrawing. Let cnversations flow that to you may be stupid as hell but to the other purrson may be extremely important Help the purrson realize they are cared about even though they may not feel it. I know, cause I'm there now. More to be written later.

Check it out, 22nd entry on the 22nd lol. I know, what a weirdo. I can't help it. I have to be a little bit weird even in a blah mood. Sooo, I saw the Sleep Apnea doctor today. I actually may have it in some form! 1 in 20 people does have sleep apenea. Ya never know, if your a snorer, go tell your doctor! Snoring is one of the major telling signals (not everyone that snores has sleep apnea, but go get yourself checked just to be safe.) Sleep apnea for the most part is where your tongue etc slides back and blocks your airway so you actually stop breathing for 10 to 90 seconds! It can happen 100's of times a night too! Here are a few sites you can use if you would like to learn more.....www.ninds.nih.gov .....www.sleepapnea.org .....www.sleepfoundation.org. Now I havn't checked these sites out myself as of yet but I got them out of the pamplet I got at the sleep office. I intend to study more about it. So anywhoo, back to the story. I went to the doctor today. Got my paperwork started and all that jazz (blood pressure dropped some from yesterday but I gained a little bit of weight and am up to 405.5 now blah). Now I have to wait until May 2nd to have the actual sleep test. Here's how that works. I go into the hospital at 9 pm. I check in, I go up to the sleep area, get hooked up to all kinds of nifty or not so nifty (will have to remember to let ya know when it happens on the nifty part) gadgets. I'll have wires attached to my head, torso and legs. I'll also have a mask of some sort on to monitor my breathing. So once I'm looking like a computer tower with all kinds of gadgets like web cam coming out of it, I'll go to sleep. Or in my case, try to go to sleep around 10:30 or so. Then around 6 am they wake me up, unplug me from everything and send me on my sleepy way. They didn't say how long it would take to get the results but once that is done, I'll only have to get the surgery. In a way, it would actually be good if they found I do have sleep apnea because loosing weight would help eleviate or even totally eliminiate the apnea. The more bad marks I get the better my chances are of the insurance company approveing me. Speaking of that, I finally got the new doctors office to send copies of my medical records over to the surgeons offic. So while I wait the next 5 weeks, the surgeon office will be sending my request through and hopefully I will find out before the test that I am approved. Goddess I hope like hell it happens! If your of a faithful nature (be you pagan or non) ask your Gods to be with me please. I need it lol. So its no less then 5 weeks to go (if an opening comes up before May 2, they will call and squeeze me in but I'm not gonna count on it.). After the sleep test, I then will a short time later start a 2 week special diet to shrink my liver. So right there is about 8 weeks at the minimum, barring any early openings for sleep. My surgeons patients get put at the top of the list for being let in on the jump ups if they happen so thats a nifty thing :) Gonna be a long, mind boggling, nerve wracking wait. Lets hope it doesn't take tooooo long for the insurance reply. Getting that part there done would make the wait so much easier and I'd be able to relax. Anywhoo, enough chatter. I'm gonna go listen to Lisa Marie Presley. If you havn't checked her out, I recomend her if you like a blusey rock. She's definatly got her daddy's voice! Merry Ostora and Happy Easter. More to be written later.

Well I have my first visit this thursday with the sleep apnea portion of the surgery process. Its been a LONGGGGG couple months. If all goes right, and it doesn't take long to get the actual sleep test done (I am only seeing the doctor thursday), I can call the surgeon office with hopefully good news (aka no sleep apnea). As far as I can tell the only steps I have left til the actual surgery are: Sleep apnea doctor visit, sleep apnea test, inform surgeon of results, if all is good there and insurance has approved surgery (still waiting on that result too, my fam doc office should have sent my records over by now so the surgeon office and push surgery through), I then go on a 2 week special diet to shrink liver then last, but certainly not least, surgery. Maybe I'll hit it lucky and get it done in April. Spend the wet part of spring recovering from surgery so I can enjoy the dry part of spring outside while I'm still off work in recovery. That would be nice. Although I'm a tad bit worried about how I'm going to deal with the heat and working in a factory *smacks forehead and tells self "worry about that later goofball" (yes I actually did that!). Goddess I'm so anxious and impatient and stressed and worried. I keep running through a full gambit of emotions! I'm stressing badly and its showing. Physically its beginning to take its toll as well. Hell its no wonder. I've only been working on this since June '06! And its the 2nd time I'm going through most of the process! (First time for those that don't know is when I was trying to get it through the VA but had to drop it due to not being able to get to Pittsburgh visits). "What about the smoking issue?" I bet most of my regular readers are asking. Ya know, that issue I've been bashing my head in for 5 or 6 months now. The one that I thought I would never concur because I didn't actually want to quit smokeing....The one that I now actually don't mind being done with lol. Well the great news is, I'm 99.99% off the cigaretts. I'm still taking the Chantix (on month 3). I have had NO jitters or bad side effects that are normal when quiting smoking. I do allow myself an occasional puff in the late evenings. Most days though I don't even want that. Starting the 18th, I'm actually going to begin helping Sue get off her cigs too lol. She has been a backbone for me through all this so now I can return the favor! She's trying to do the quitting thing via the patch. She can't take the pills due to cancer treatments. Sure has been a long, horrid, stressful wait. So many ups and downs. The longer I wait the more crabby I'm getting. But ya know, in the long haul, I'm going to look back on all this and laugh at my stupidity...and then pat myself on the back for sticking with it. For sticking with writting this journal as long as I have because I know its gonna help someone else, somehow, with their experiences. And thats what I want to live for now. To help others as well as help myself. And those that have helped me through this time in my life.....I'll not forget the support you all have given me, no matter if its just to listen to me bitch and cry and whine. Or to tell me to not give up. You all know who you are. Thank you. More to be written later.

Not much to update on concerning the gastric bypass. I will know nothing until after the sleep apnea and thats another month away. This waiting is killing me. I'm stressing so badly now that my blood pressure reached triple digits on the bottom line for the first time ever (116, top was 180something, I never have understood that other then to know it aint good). But then I also have broncitus that I'm dealing with too. Not to mention a quack of a doctor thats already not on my good side and has me searching for yet another new doctor. I so regrete picking this one. I can't stand how his office is ran and how he tries to bully me into doing what he wants. Yea he is the doctor but ya know what, ITS MY FRIGGING BODY! I know what has worked for me and what hasn't! I've paid attention to the dozens of different medicines I've been put on for my pain and for my OCD. He doesn't even know who I am and he wants to change them all! Damned quack. Doesn't care for his patients other then to try and bully them into what he wants. WRONG! I have a feeling its going to be a case of I tell him to go to hell and walk out of his office, informing him and his staff exactly what I think of their lazy, careless ways quite soon. Needless to say my normal perky self is fading fast, I'm struggling to not give up hope and I can't stop worrying. I havn't been able to work a full week at work in a month due to higher pain levels. This week is the first time its not pain, its due to broncitus (Which I may add, my lovely doctor says "Oh you have broncitus", goes silent, so I say, "Should I stay off work or not?" He say "Oh go back to work".) So I go back to work and wouldn't ya know it, I nearly collapsed several times, and actually had points of nearly blacking out when I coughed. But I was ok to work. Fucking quack. I had to call off again yesterday. There's a point added to my record at work :( :( :( Scuse my language but obviously I'm jacked at how this guy's office and himself treat me. I am not a damned piece of paper to be folded up, mailed off to insurance company for payment due. No wonder my blood pressure jackknifed to the highest its ever been by over 20 some points on the bottom level. Thats just in 1 week dearies. I'd just seen this dipshit the week before and my blood pressure was purrfectly fine. I was so impressed with him, I wanted to vomit at the thought of going to see him again. *Sighs* I pray the Goddess lets me survive this last little bit of time in hell before I jump from the frying pan into the fire with having the surgery. I'm thinking this is a test to see how I'll hold up when things go out of my control totally. More to be written later.

January 27, 2007, 05:55:pm I'm still waiting on the sleep apnea test. I've called a couple times to find out what is going on but all I get told is they are setting several appointments and I'll get a call when its done. Apparently its going to be 2 appointments. 1 to see the doc and 2nd for the overnight sleep. Oh yea that one should be fun, NOT. I'm a night owl by nature. Even when I have to be up at 5 am for work, I'm usually never in bed before 12 lol. Definatly not getting the surgery in Feb like I'd hoped. If I do its gonna be a miracle thats for sure. I'm beginning to have my doubts its even gonna happen. That bothers me. So I'm doing my best to keep from getting depressed over it by tormenting my friends and being goofier then normal. It helps most of the time. But not all. I'm worried that If the surgery goes through then I'm gonna get depressed again. Its all I can think about anymore when I'm not deliberatly keeping my mind occupied with other things. Goddess, I can't go back to that dark hell! THAT scares me more then anything. Hell, I'd rather be beaten to a pulp then to spend 1 moment in the dark I walked for so many years. *sighs* Oh well, gonna just have to buck up and face it and deal when the time comes. This time I'm lucky. I have my family here, my Clan family, my GLA family, and whats becoming my CT family. I likes knowing I got my best buds to kick my ass back into gear if I go downhill lol. I know I can trust them to keep me from falling so hard I die inside again :) I worry but its natural. I'm facing a type of hell that I've never dealt with. And I live in Hell lmao. Hey when you have a phsyciatrist AND a therapist tell you within a few days of each other they do not understand how you have not cracked before now, its a crazy life lol. My gramma told me when I was in my early 20's she was going to write my life story for a soap opera, only it wouldn't work because there was no murder *goes silent* More to be written later.

December 23, 2006, 09:05:pm Well I saw the surgeon on the 18th. *sighs* I have to have a sleep apnea test and then they are going to work on getting the surgery through the insurance ;) (had ya worried there for a second with that sigh didn't I, hehehe). I passed all the doctors requirments, but he is adding the sleep apnea test because I snore (apparently like a freight train, its been told to me that the peeps here try to decide who's worse. Me or LA the boxer dog rotflmao). If I'm good to go with this test and the insurance accepts, I'll be having surgery hopefully the middle of February. The doc is booked until then so couldn't get things done faster. But at least its getting done. Good timing too. The last couple weeks have been hell on me with my back. I've even missed 2 days of work this past week because I was in so much pain I could hardly walk. The days I did get to work, people could apparently tell I was having a bad time of it because it was written all over my face. The pains been so bad its taken its toll on my emotions and I've had a couple anxiety freak outs. Something that hardly ever happens any more. Thats quite frusting on me because then I want to eat. Luckily getting the weight off with the surgery will make my life so much easier! I know my pain level will go down enough I won't have to worry about anxiety attacks from that anymore. Anywhoo, Happy Holidays to everyone. I hope you and your families have a joyful, giggleful, fun filled and friend/familyful holiday season :) More to be written later (see ya next year more then likely hehehe).

December 10, 2006, 07:03:pm I'm getting more nervous about seeing the surgeon. I keep thinking of what is going to happen. Its so hard to imagine, yet I can't stop thinking about it. I'm scared to death yet anxious to get it done. Now I'm researching again the differences between the Lap-Band and the actual bypass. Part of me wants the speedier loss with the bypass while the other part of me wants the least complications. I guess I'll just have to keep reading again and do a pro-con comparison lol. I went all day yesterday and half of today without a cig! I only smoked a half of one when I did finally give in. Nasty tasting it was lmao. Its getting easier to go longer distances of time between puffs. I don't even get jittery unless I'm pushing myself too far. But I made it over 1 full day, fully awake and not a big jittery! Only had a couple points of bad craving and I just told myself I can wait another hour. Such a big issue with such little things (the cigarettes). Now to keep myself thinking of the benefits of going through all this hell. New clothes, being able to take a walk in the woods, going swimming without looking like a whale, go for a horse back ride without the horse wanting to ride my back, traveling to visit friends and pester the living tar outta them (think pouncies dearies rotflmao), new clothes, JEANS! Jeans! Jeans! I think that is the one thing I'm going to look forward to the most. Being able to wear a decent pair of non fat type jeans. I bet I get a few dozen pairs lmao. When I was thin, I had a crap load of clothes and I knew how to dress to make me look good. I have my own sense of style and I really can't wait to get back to it! *Sighs, time moves slowly when you want it to speed up yet at the same time it goes soooo fast its scarey. More to be written later.