January 27, 2007, 05:55:pm
I'm still waiting on the sleep apnea test. I've called a couple times to find out what is going on but all I get told is they are setting several appointments and I'll get a call when its done.
Apparently its going to be 2 appointments. 1 to see the doc and 2nd for the overnight sleep. Oh yea that one should be fun, NOT. I'm a night owl by nature. Even when I have to be up at 5 am for work, I'm usually never in bed before 12 lol.
Definatly not getting the surgery in Feb like I'd hoped. If I do its gonna be a miracle thats for sure. I'm beginning to have my doubts its even gonna happen. That bothers me. So I'm doing my best to keep from getting depressed over it by tormenting my friends and being goofier then normal. It helps most of the time. But not all.
I'm worried that If the surgery goes through then I'm gonna get depressed again. Its all I can think about anymore when I'm not deliberatly keeping my mind occupied with other things. Goddess, I can't go back to that dark hell! THAT scares me more then anything. Hell, I'd rather be beaten to a pulp then to spend 1 moment in the dark I walked for so many years.
*sighs* Oh well, gonna just have to buck up and face it and deal when the time comes. This time I'm lucky. I have my family here, my Clan family, my GLA family, and whats becoming my CT family. I likes knowing I got my best buds to kick my ass back into gear if I go downhill lol. I know I can trust them to keep me from falling so hard I die inside again :) I worry but its natural. I'm facing a type of hell that I've never dealt with. And I live in Hell lmao. Hey when you have a phsyciatrist AND a therapist tell you within a few days of each other they do not understand how you have not cracked before now, its a crazy life lol. My gramma told me when I was in my early 20's she was going to write my life story for a soap opera, only it wouldn't work because there was no murder *goes silent*
More to be written later.
