LadyIcedKatt's blog: "Journal...Life leading to/after gastric bypass"

Sorry to all those that have been waiting for updates. I've spread the word, I just kept forgetting to update journal. My brains fried. What else is new lol. So I saw the surgeon on the 9th and he approved me. Since that time I've been waiting for news from the insurance company. I'm supposed to hear something by the end of this week. Its been 3 weeks already blah. I called the surgeon office the other day to check up on whats going on since this is THE final step! I'm scared to death. Like that isn't new news lol. I've been drowning myself in working on graphics and a forum I created to keep my mind off the waiting. The strains finally gotten to me and I've been having headaches for over a week now. Too much stupid stuff going on besides the waiting. I can't take much more. Mentally, for the most part, I'm doing ok. Its the physical strain of the stress thats getting bad. If your a Leo, you know what I'm talking about. So anywho, I created a forum that I'm gonna open up. Its just a place for friends to gather and have fun but it has a special section for the journal. Anyone interested in joining here's the address..... http://wyldkattsanctuary.darkbb.com Anyone interested in talking to me in the chat it has about what this journal (or anything for that matter lol) is about, feel free to holler. If you join, just leave me a message saying something like HEY YOU, get in here and chatter lol. While I'm plugging the forum for the journal issues, there is a couple other areas for fun and learning. Humor of all sorts and Serious section for things like learning natural cures or talking about all kinds of issues. Hopefully everyone will find it both fun and informative. I've reread the entire journal as I posted it in the forum and wow so many emotional gambits I've run through! A lot of downers, bummer. But I've made it this far. 2 years this month I started the process of trying to get the surgery. 2 years coming up in August that I've been plugging away at keeping this journal. LOOONNG time! Considering I should have had the surgery a year ago. I just hope that at least someone learns from what I've gone through and will be able to have a smoother process. Hopefully by this coming weekend I'll have good news and will be able to continue writing. If not, I'm really not sure what I'll do. I will of course continue trying to get the weight off. Just not sure what will happen with this thing. I'd really like to keep it going though so it hopefully is helping someone. I likes being helpful Wink I'm sitting here thinking about the things I've reread and guess I could do some updates. I haven't kept up with a lot of the little things I told myself I was going to do but most the of the things I wanted to do involve at least some $ which I haven't had. Had to use most of my unemployment $ to get my bills caught up. So that was a strain lessened for now. I did however treat myself to a new "toy" and got a new cell phone (my old one was a pain in the butt trying to hear people lol) and even got unlimited texting. I'm starting to enjoy texting lol. I'm slow but getting faster lmao. Still haven't been able to think of anything to write about that may interest readers to learn more. I'm still wishing people would speak up and let me know what they'd like to hear from me. I don't bite (least not hard haha). Ask me stuff so I can write :p I hope everyone is having a great June. My brother (the one with downs syndrome) may be coming to spend a week or 2 with me soon. It will be interesting to see how that goes. Hopefully we get along and enjoy each others company like we did long ago. I miss my little brother. FizzFizz just reminded me to wish everyone a Happy 4th of July in case I don't write before then. We both hope all that celebrate it will have a fantastic time and enjoy all the purrty colors in the sky Smile More to be written later

I saw the nutritionist yesterday. I must say it was very hard on me. I was so stressed worrying I was literally getting sick (even though I've got a cold thats been going on for a couple weeks I could tell it was the stress sick I get at times). Anywhoo, it was a blah morning waiting for 4pm. Luckily Bishop let me bounce my frustrations etc off him and it helped me keep from getting too out of control. Coley went with me and that helped as well. So a great deal of thanks goes to Bishop and Coley for keeping me from being a total nutcase. Yea yea yea, I know, I'm always a nutcase, hush! lol. Thank you to everyone else that said some prayers etc for me. Much appriciated. Guess you'd like to know what happened eh? What if I don't wanna tell ya? Hmmmmmm. Oh all right, you win. I'll tell. She told me to go ahead and call the surgeon again. I've done a good job changing my habits since Dec 06. The reason she had to see me was because all she had to go one was my old information. So I feel bad for getting so mad at her for the saying I'm no recommended but hey, with all the problems I've been going through, wouldn't you be frustrated? So I called surgeon today and I have appointment on June 9th. I also have continued to stay the same weight, which is good. Wish I'd of lost but at least I stayed the same since Feb which is very good thing. I did find out that after I see surgeon and surgery date is set, I am to call nutritionist again and see her so she can instruct me on how the diet needs to go before and after surgery. I have to do a special liver shrinking diet for 2 weeks before surgery. So needless to say, theres still at least a month at the very shortest IF it all goes through. June 9th will be the big day I hope on finding out exactly whats going to happen FINALLY! More to be written later.

I figured I better give a brief update. I had to delay calling surgeon (this time my situation, not problems with doctors) due to some money issues (can't pay co-pays without money ya know). But I did finally call and was supposed to have appointment on the 19th (May). I got a call back to find out that in 06, when all this began, the nutritionist put down I wouldn't be elegible because I smoke and drank. Drank? A few times a year (maybe once a month or so if even that much considering I'll go months on end without touching booze, and usually its wine unless I go to the bar, which is next to never) means I get rejected? OMFG. Needless to say I freaked. I'm so stressed out its making me sick. The smoking I can see, but the drinking? Anywho, I see the nutritionist on the 20th and then can call surgeon's office again, IF she says I am eligible. How ironic is that. 5 doctors and a therapist recommend the suregery and a non doctor could screw my chance up. I am so close to giving up. But I can't. I won't. But if this surgery doesn't go through soon, I'm gonna loose my job. My work will find a way to get rid of me. Considering they basically forced me to take this temporary disability I'm still not working. Which btw I got denied 3 times so until work went ahead and put me on unemployment, I went with 0 income for 6 months! Yea its been an insane time and I hope no one else goes through anything near what I'm going through. It seems like nothing but problem after problem after problem. Anywhoo, Thank you so much to everyone that is still continuing to show me support. I really appriciate it more then you'll ever know. BTW I've decided to go with the lap-band. If regular readers will recall, thats been an issue I've struggled with on deciding. I feel more comfortable with the band then the actual bypass. My luck, I need to go with the less dangerous anyway. I hope everyone is having a great spring or fall or whatever time of year it is for you. I promise I will make an update next week after I see nutritionist and hopefully surgeon will get me in again too. More to be written later.

I had my 6th and final weigh in today. I lost 2 more pounds. Over all from my original high weight of 440, I'm down' to 370. I impressed my doctor with my holding steady with the weight I lost during this 6 months and getting my sugar down to normal level. My blood pressure jumped a little bit but I was so tense today its a wonder it wasn't sky rocketed. So now the final crunch begins. The 6 months of notes are to be faxed to the surgeons office and from there I'm not sure exactly what will go on but I've met all the requirements for having the surgery finally. I'm a nervous wreck. I'm scared to death I'm going to be rejected and I'm scared to death I'm gonna be accepted lol. My step brothers mother had the surgery the end of January and she's up and active and apparently not having problems. I hope to get in touch with her soon so I can actually get to talk to someone thats had the surgery. Err I mean as in so soon after. Say some prayers for me please cause now its down to the wire and I really need everything to go smoothly. I am dealing with other issues that have me totally stressed out to the point of depression times. Not sure when next update will be but there should be more as things will start moving along. I'll more then likely begin writing a lot more after the surgery. More to be written later.

Don't really have much to tell as of this point. I have my 5th weigh in either this week or next then there is only 1 more to go. Sure has been a long wait. I'm pretty sure I've gained some weight back again. Not surprising with the holidays and trying to quit smoking again. Yea, smoking, the bane of my life 2nd to the weight. I'm very frustrated again with not being able to get completely off the smokes. I'm so bored all the time now all I want to do is eat and smoke. Makes me wonder what is going to happen after the surgery. Will I stay this same way? Or will I actually get out of the house and start leading a "normal" life. I'm scared that I won't and all the hell I've been putting myself through is going to be wasted. *sighs* Obviously today is not a good day emotionally for me. I pawsativly HATE new years. Eventually though, I'm not gonna be able to stay a hermit because....... I meet someone a few weeks ago (online) and he actually asked if he could be my man. He makes me feel good even while scaring the snot outta me lol. Its scarey as hell how quickly he got through my defense walls and seems to be able to read me easily. I know in some senses I'm easy to read, its the things that others DON'T get is what he's getting to quickly. I don't know where its going to lead but I decided to take the plunge and give it a try. Theres just something so strong calling out to me about it, I kind of had no choice lmao. Of course being an online relationship makes things difficult but if its meant to be, then the Goddess will smooth out the path so we can get together. I must admit its quite weird to have someone 12 years younger be mine lol. Oh pick your jaws up! There's nothing wrong with the age difference, yeesh. When I was his age, I was dating guys my age now! Anywhoo, Hopefully its going to be a good year and my life will start taking on some drastic changes. Hopefully it will FINALLY bring the surgery and I get enough weight off that I can start enjoying life! I've been having some big problems with back the last few days thats really pulling me down with frustration at the pain. I ssooooo need that to stop!!! I hope everyone has a Great New Year and that whoever your Deities are will bless you with a happy, healthy, fun filled, fulfilling year. More to be written next year lol. PS FizzFizz (my dog) wants me to tell all Happy New Year from him too. I don't mention him much but he's a big part of my life and keeps me from going over the edge at times :) PSS I've actually gotten all this journal transfered to the site I'm making finally :) Now to make it all purrty lol. But the site is being working on and is going to look awesome.

I've been trying to come up with things to write but am not having much luck. Things are basically at a semi stand still with the doctor situations due to having 3 more weigh ins to go until my case goes to the insurance company. I guess I'll write a bit about clothes. I realized today when I got my new clothes (had to get an outfit for New Years as it was part of the bargain for a $ loan I got to help me through until I get my temporary disability. Thrifty me got 3 full outfits and a couple extra shirts for the price of 1 full outfit lmao. Clearance shopping is a good thing.). Anyway I got the clothes and tried them on. I realized then just how much I hate the clothes I've been stuck with for so long. I know I've realized before but when I put on the leggings they felt awesome, something I've not felt since I got too fat for normal clothes. I look good in them too. I prefer leggings and jeans but am (or I should say was as I have lost enough weight to get leggings) stuck with sweat pants mostly. I hate most of what I'm usually stuck with so badly its part of why I hate going out in public, I feel like such a freak. Sue says I need new clothes anyway (what I have is getting threadbare because I hate what I normally have to buy so much I won't buy clothes until I have no choice but to get more)so I think when I get $ coming in again I'm gonna go ahead and splurge some and get more so I have more then just a couple outfits. Granted (hopefully) they won't last on me long but at least for now I'd feel better about myself I hope. Maybe I can start making myself go out a bit more. I need to learn to feel ok in public again anyway because I know I'm gonna be out and about a hell of a lot more as more and then all the weight comes off. The clothes thing got me into thinking that I seriously need to start saving $ to get a whole complete wardrobe for when I am at my goal weight. I intend to BURN EVERYTHING, literally, that I have now when I reach that point. I may go ahead and keep 1 outfit as a reminder though. So I'm gonna start now, saving up so I can go back to being the clothes horse I used to be rotflmao. I used to have so many clothes it was unreal lol. *sighs* Ah to be able to wear nice jeans, t-shirt and cowboy boots again (my favorite kind of outfit). To wear a nice dress again instead of something that makes me look like I'm wearing a tent. I haven't worn a dress since the early 90's because none have ever looked good one me IMO. Yea yea, people that were with me when I tried things on said it did but if I don't think so, I won't get it. I do actually know what compliments me clothing wise that I like. I bet I will drive people nuts with my style, as I've always had my own way of doing things though lol. Oh well, its my body. I do take advice on things, don't get me wrong. I just do things different lol. I basically, way back when, was doing the Goth thing before Goth was popular lmao. Its gonna be interesting though when I do get the final (err meaning when I start my full wardrobe over) thing over with what I'll have. I know its gonna be a combination of old style me and new me. Uhoh, that sounds like the Katt is growing up EEEEEKKKKKK (scary thought lmao). Some of the things I look forward to I know may sound silly but you know what, its not to me :) If anyone has questions or ideas or anything to help me keep this journal going over the next couple months, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME AND HELP ME OUT! I got people asking when I'm gonna write more often but I'm low on ideas. Any kind of curiosities or comments will help. I won't use anyone's name unless they want me to in here so no fearing needed be on that cause of this being so public :) More to be written later.

Wow! My 40th entry already. I used to think I'd never make it to 10 let alone 40th lol. The odd date is because I started this entry late on the 12th and finished on the 13th hehehe. So I guess I'll do a lil bit of updating. Yea yea yea, quit yer groaning, we all know its more then likely gonna be another mini book entry lol. Bite me! I like to write ok lol. I can't believe how many compliments I've gotten sine I put up the new pictures. Totally blows my mind at points. I've even got a few guys wanting to get to know me (*faints in shock lmao). Its so weird! Must admit, it does help the ego with a lil boost while at the same time overwhelms me. I started working on the website to put this in. Gonna take a while but its started lol. Luckily I put this journal in other sites because I discovered VampireFreaks didn't hold all the entries. I was like oh phooey patootie lol. Good thing I decided to do the site, that way I know I will have all the entries when the time comes to decide if I am going to do as suggested/thought of and turn this into a book. I've had enough people say this has inspired/helped them that its a very serious thought. I just don't know how to go about doing that lmao. Time will tell I guess. I didn't loose any weight in October but I did stay the same so thats a plus. Not bad considering I've not been on any of my medications due to not having the $ to do the co-pays. I got denied for the temp disability so I have to fight that. I'm going to do that this week as I see the specialist again and will get the needed medical information from him and family doctor to send to the disability place. Heck by the time this is done, I'll be ready to go back to work lol. Its only supposed to be a 6 month deal and this is the 3rd month. For the most part I've liked not being at work because I'm less stressed and no where near as much pain. I finally got an MRI done. 3rd times a charm apparently lol. 2 other doctors have tried to get MRI but insurance refused. The specialist got approval the same day they tried! I found out (officially? even though X-rays showed as well) I have arthritis in lower spine as well as 2 protrusions, 1 in lower spine and 1 in middle spine. The 2 areas I tend to get pinched feelings that drive me insane. Its good to know its not in my mind lol. I told my doctor I was expecting them to say I'm nuts and theres nothing wrong because of how my "luck" has been lmao. Its fun to make my doctors n nurses giggle ;) Protrusions are similar to bulging discs, just not as bad and surgery isn't needed (I'll get more in-depth details on this issue from specialist). Once I get some $ coming in and can pay for the co-pays, I'll need to start physical therapy again to help with that. I also need to get the weight off (of course lol). So now I have 3 family doctors and 2 specialists telling the insurance company I need the surgery. 3 more weigh ins and then my case is finally ready to go to the insurance company. February is last weigh in and all is done on my part. It will just be a wait and see game then. I'm feeling more confident about getting approved but still will not get my hopes up 100% until its actually done. I'm finding it easier to do housework now :) Thats basically my exercise now that I'm off work for a while. I've also begun to make myself do some simple things while I am at computer to help decrease my flab in upper body. Stretching mainly but I'm feeling some burn lol. Easy peasy to do while sitting here so no excuses from me anymore that I can't do anything excersiserish lol. Its time to stop being completly lazy and help myself too! I've been really bad at using excuses to not do more excersizes. Bad me, Bad me! In case I'm late in next entry, I hope everyone has a fantastic Thanksgiving and Safe hunting seasons. More to be written later.

(((Up until the point where I say its a couple days later, I had written an off-liner. This one is really long because of that. I'll be doing some frequent shorter posting the next few days or so because I have more to tell from what was going on while I was off-line))) I've been sitting here off-line for nearly 2 months now. Man has it been hell! BORED is my constant state of mind. I've not once had the urge to to write until this entry. I struggle to keep my hopes up, my fears down and my depression away. FRUSTATED is my constant emotional state. Lemme tell ya, its not fun. I've worried a couple people slightly a couple times with my extreme lowness. But in general I'm standing on my tootsies still *wink*. I've been doing good in other ways *big grin* (for the first time in stating this news)... In the month of Sept '07 I lost 21 pounds. With little effort. My success??? I was taking Meridia (15 mgs), a diet pill that didn't give me any kinds of wacky side effects and cut my hunger down without me even realizing it. I have also completely cut out all power drinks (usually on a work day I would drink 2 to 4 big cans a day). I also have cut my Pepsi/Mountain Dew drinking down to nearly nothing (down from an average a 2 liter a day just at work, and then what I would drink outside of work. Bad days could put me at 4 power drinks and up to 4 liters of soda). Its a bitch to get this fat body moving at the same pace as someone that is less then half of my weight. Work, bah! I've been doing some serious thinking the last few days. I intend to have this surgery and get to a good weight (my goal is 180 to 200 lbs, hey I'm 5' 11" and very curvy, as in even when I was thin I had big boobs and wide hips. Stick thin I have no desire to be.) Then I'm gonna have the skin removal surgery and thennnnnn...... I'm gonna drive myself nuts changing my life BIG TIME! I no longer intend to stick the rest of my life stuck in Pennsylvania. I intend to travel and find a place that feels comfy to call my 2nd home. I hate PA anymore but it will always be my home. I can't really decide what I would like to do though. I need to get serious because I intend to reach these goals by the time I'm 40 (2 3/4's years). Maybe a travel agent, as in starting my own travel agency. Or a long haul truck driver, as trucking as interested me for years. Ever since the time my uncle took me on a short drive when I was a rug rat. But then I may change my mind again eventually. Who knows. But Travel agency is more on my mind because of being able to travel the world. I love to talk to people from all over the world and learn tid bits about other cultures. It would be so much more fun to meet people in purrson and chatter face to face, not just monitor to monitor. Ok its now a few days later and I'm back online. I had a most awesome 11-01-07 and at least for the last 2 days (its now 11-3), I feel so much more different then I have in a long time. For the first time in ever basically (since I got fat mainly), I know I can actually look pretty AND feel it!!!!! I NEVER truely feel pretty. Never truely feel I'm worth wasting the time it takes to put on make up and do my hair etc. I havn't done that on a regular basis since I was with my ex of the mid 90's. I've lost enough weight many people are noticing now. The "hump" in my back of my neck is way smaller and the arm flab as well from what I can see myself. Others say they can see it in my face (my dimples apparently are deepening or something). Logically I know I have lost due to I can now where a pair of pants I've had that would not go up over my thighs this past spring! Now I can wear them and actually sit (still a tad bit tight but I can wear them). I was told they look cute on me too :). Its so weird how I feel right now. I just hope I don't go over board and wind up disappointing myself again. But the picture section with the girls the other night really has me wanting to do things different. It makes me more and more curious as to how I'm going to feel and think after the actual surgery. How drastic is it going to make me? I already intend to travel and do thing but part of me holds those hopes back. Its quite interesting the changes that have been going on too even before the weight loss. I can walk the steps better (going up, down I still have problems at times due to the arthritis in my knees so I gotta go slow). I can do more housework without stopping to rest sooo much and my pain level is not as bad even though I'm not on any medicines (still haven't gotten paid from the temp disability place and its been 7 weeks, so I can't afford my Rx's at all :( ). I have stopped sleeping most of the day/night. So weird! What's it gonna be like after surgery? I can't wait to find out even though I know I am going to be going through hell too lol. More to be written later as this one is so long since I haven't been able to/didn't post shortly before my forced absence from the net. I'm also going to begin working on making a website for these entries and each month is going to have a different theme as well as show monthly updated pictures of me :) More to be written later.

Well I met my new doctor yesterday (9-6) and she is so friendly and she spent a good bit of time listening to me explain what all is going on and what I need her to do! I was very impressed. Professional too but not to the point of intimdating. More along the lines of "I know my job, you know you, lets work together" type thing is how I feel. Granted, she may prove me wrong (*says sarcastically..like that would be a first lol) but hey, she listened! And listened. And listened lmao. I felt rather bad for her lol. By the end of the visit, she did have a slightly overwhelmed look about her lmao. I appologized cause I did feel bad springing so much on her at first visit. But there was nothing else I could do. So here"s the run down as best I can in shortness (yea yea yea, I know, ME and writing short doesn"t go together lol, I can"t help it lol). Anywhoo. Work situation..... Work approached me a couple weeks ago and suggested I see about going on short term disability. In a nut shell, my physical problems (aka athritic spine from hell when not on meds) had me missing days and I "hurt productivity". Well daaaahh *sighs* (I always feel guilty enough as it is when I have to call off, now they"ve driven me to the point I won"t call off, I go in even when I can barely walk). Anyway, to put it in my terms as to how I felt things were being guided in typical big company fashion (aka sleazy legality with silent meaning), go on the disability while I do the 6 month weight loss again, come back for a few weeks, then go back out for the surgery (as long as that goes well) or they will find some reason (more then likely not making the high rates half the time) to let me go even though they can"t do anything to me for the health issues because I"m protected under the family medical leave act. They worry I"m going to end up being taken out by AMED. Understandable, but where the hell was all this concern years ago when my original back problem started....BECAUSE OF WORKING THERE!!!!!!!! *growls and sighs* Anywhoo, I"m thinking it will be the best thing for me. I"m quite certain my stress level will drop drastically and I"ll be able to loose weight better. So wish me luck there. I find out next week (can"t call the sick pay place until Wed (9-12) to find out if approved or not. If not, I"m going to appeal and have purrsonel at work help me out by showing him all my meds). Now for the medically stuffs lol. I"ve lost some weight recently with little effort! I"m at my lowest weight in a few years (391 down from highest of about 440). My blood pressure has dropped a little more so I may not need BP meds (blood work was done to see about some of my meds if needed or not still). I'm going to try Meridia to help get some weight off (part of the process is I got to loose and keep off weight). I've been smoking badly the last month or so, so I asked to be put back on the Chantix and this time I'm doing it because I want to quit. First time I didn't actually want to, so I failed in the end (when I went off ALL my medicines when I fired old doctor). My goal for FINAL quit date is Oct 31. I hope to be off way before then but that is my deadline, period. Even if it kills me lmao. I'm also going to be forcing myself to do my diabetic blood tests daily even though I don't feel I actually need to but I am determined that with this new doctor, I'm going to start fresh and continue to tell myself I am worth working on my health and to keep up what I am supposed to. I didn't do good before because up until Sue and I had the "talk", I didn't feel I was worth doing anything for. I'm changing that still, and doing good :) I'm actually starting to feel it too. I think thats why some of the weights coming off. I'm treating myself with little things still like doing my nails, occasionaly my hair and foot cream (I gets flakey foot lmao no not athetes foot, dry footsies). So in general, the day I turned 37 is the day I started feeling for ME. AND MEAN IT! I've done this type thing before and always failed myself within a short amount of time but this time its different. Hard to explain but I can tell. Hope everyone that reads is having a nifty day and that you continue to have nifty days :) More to be written later.

Hehehe, told I might wait till my 37th birthday to put up my 37th entry LMAO. So yea, today I turned 37. I feel old but in a good mood. My friends have made my day nifty. Now if only the flipping rainy days would stop so my pain level will drop! I hurt like a bitch lol (arthritic spine and knees, yea, best bad weather tellers ever, lemme tell ya! Blah lol) Not much new with trying to get the surgery process moving along. I have a sleep apnea doctor visit thursday. I've actually been using the machine (cpap) the last week or so since I got the nose mask instead of the full facial. I don't wake up with major panic attacks anymore while using it. I still am only sleeping a few hours at a time but doing it several times a day/night and I actually don't feel like I'm full zombie when I wake up. I think its helping some. It seems I've finally stopped ripping that mask off in my sleep as well (the first few nights I woke up with it beside me, so it didnt fully panic attack me, which is good lol). September 6 I see the new doctor, lady at work told me yesterday that she is good (her friends use same doc). I went the 9th but because of insurance card issue (old doc name on card thus the rejection even though new plan on insurance says doesn't need name), they said I had to get new card, even though they talked to the insurance company while I was there. Frustrating but is ok, just means the soonest now that surgery can happen is February. Work wants me to get my doctor to put me on a 6 month temporary disability while I wait for this 6 month weight loss/watch by doctor to get done again. I'll get about half my pay and work will pay for my health insurance. I'm not thrilled about it but this last little over a week vacation I went on (didn't go anywhere, just took the time off work) was soooo relaxing! The tension in my neck and back damned near went away. I enjoyed being able to stay up to talk with my friends again online lol. So its gonna be an interesting winter. If things go the way work wants and I want, I'll go on this 6 month disability and still be able to keep up with all doc stuffs. Then after the 6 months is up, as long as I go back at least 2 weeks, I can then go on another medical leave/temporary disabilty for the surgery process and get the same partial pay and medical insurance pay taken care of because technically it will be 2 different issues. I won't need the full 6 months the 2nd time around as once I've healed from the actual surgery, I can go back to light duty then regular duty and that would be best because it would help excel some of the weight loss. More then likely means I'll have Sept through maybe March or April off work lol. Now that would be nice! NO WORK STRESS! Work stress I'm discovering since I did this vacation is a huge part of my down moods!!!! I think working with the glue and paint chemical smells affect me because I get worked up easier and more often. Outside of work, its not nearly as bad, in fact I'm more fun lol. *hugs to all my friends that have sent the little messages and happy birthday inliner thingies! Way way way better then any party or celebration thing :) (I'mma gonna celebrate this weekend with a bottle of sangria or 2 and some blackberry wine lmao. You've been warned to those that talk to me via the messengers ROTFLMAO WHHOOHOOO PARTY KATT TIME LOL) OH yea, my RP group is starting to liven up! My soul sis Bear and I worked on finishing it and we've been writting and I'm glad she's back even though I still have issues with the fight we had last year but I swallowed my stubbornness some and congratulated her on her anniversary and things got better from there. This is a good thing because RP writting is so much fun for me and she is the best to bounce off me writting. It helps me relax and I noticed last night and tonight I didn't want to snack!! More to be written later.