Don't really have much to tell as of this point. I have my 5th weigh in either this week or next then there is only 1 more to go. Sure has been a long wait.
I'm pretty sure I've gained some weight back again. Not surprising with the holidays and trying to quit smoking again. Yea, smoking, the bane of my life 2nd to the weight. I'm very frustrated again with not being able to get completely off the smokes. I'm so bored all the time now all I want to do is eat and smoke.
Makes me wonder what is going to happen after the surgery. Will I stay this same way? Or will I actually get out of the house and start leading a "normal" life. I'm scared that I won't and all the hell I've been putting myself through is going to be wasted. *sighs* Obviously today is not a good day emotionally for me. I pawsativly HATE new years.
Eventually though, I'm not gonna be able to stay a hermit because.......
I meet someone a few weeks ago (online) and he actually asked if he could be my man. He makes me feel good even while scaring the snot outta me lol. Its scarey as hell how quickly he got through my defense walls and seems to be able to read me easily. I know in some senses I'm easy to read, its the things that others DON'T get is what he's getting to quickly.
I don't know where its going to lead but I decided to take the plunge and give it a try. Theres just something so strong calling out to me about it, I kind of had no choice lmao. Of course being an online relationship makes things difficult but if its meant to be, then the Goddess will smooth out the path so we can get together. I must admit its quite weird to have someone 12 years younger be mine lol. Oh pick your jaws up! There's nothing wrong with the age difference, yeesh. When I was his age, I was dating guys my age now!
Anywhoo, Hopefully its going to be a good year and my life will start taking on some drastic changes. Hopefully it will FINALLY bring the surgery and I get enough weight off that I can start enjoying life! I've been having some big problems with back the last few days thats really pulling me down with frustration at the pain. I ssooooo need that to stop!!!
I hope everyone has a Great New Year and that whoever your Deities are will bless you with a happy, healthy, fun filled, fulfilling year.
More to be written next year lol.
PS FizzFizz (my dog) wants me to tell all Happy New Year from him too. I don't mention him much but he's a big part of my life and keeps me from going over the edge at times :)
PSS I've actually gotten all this journal transfered to the site I'm making finally :) Now to make it all purrty lol. But the site is being working on and is going to look awesome.
