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a combination of reasons really. My ex got married to the guy she cheated on me with. Why did I even check? I knew already... I guess today I wanted to feel. I need to leave the city start over, find what I never knew I was looking for rageout, fuck a stranger, love a friend something drink drop breathe something...right? My toast was stuck, I did this to myself with my favorite fork Its not even her, she's just a metaphor, an avatar. Its that for all my grand works my brave noble deeds and intentions I will always be undeserving I will always have failed at that crucial insurmountable moment. I'm not going to stop. I will fail again. I will be injured in pride duty and body but I will not yield. I might not be able to stop save change or help but I won't stop trying. Its a combination of faith profession vision and mission aligned and in crisis despite my best efforts and patience. There before me is the idol of my hated antithesis in prosper as I toil in the muck of the so-named good fight.
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