a combination of reasons
My ex got married
to the guy she cheated on me with.
Why did I even check? I knew already... I guess today I wanted to feel.
I need to leave the city
start over, find what I never knew I was looking for
rageout, fuck a stranger, love a friend
My toast was stuck, I did this to myself with my favorite fork
Its not even her, she's just a metaphor, an avatar.
for all my grand works
my brave noble deeds and intentions
I will always be undeserving
I will always have failed at that crucial insurmountable moment.
I'm not going to stop.
I will fail again. I will be injured in pride duty and body
but I will not yield.
I might not be able to stop save change or help
but I won't stop trying.
Its a combination of faith profession vision and mission aligned and in crisis despite my best efforts and patience.
There before me is the idol of my hated antithesis in prosper
as I toil in the muck of the so-named good fight.