Reeka's blog: "Whatever"

In case anyone's wondering why I've reverted to my old emo self...

I have this job thing going on.... I have an offer from one company but the one I really want to work for is only at the 2nd interview stage (it's scheduled for tomorrow at 1).  It's a better job, better commute, probably less money but worth it when you figure in the cost of commuting twice as far.  I'm juggling trying not to piss off the first company by putting them off too long, but not wanting to be the asshole that accepts an offer and then reneges when something better comes through.

Then there's my mom.  She had her quarterly CT scan on Friday, and they found the tumors had grown much larger and have now invaded her spinal column enough to worry about spinal compression.  She's not in any pain yet, but they rushed her to start immediate radiation therapy to try to shrink them before she loses too much function.  She can't drive now, and has zero filter on her speech, so she told me she wishes I wasn't going back to work so that I could help out so her husband could have a break now and then.

Then... there's my husband.  It's gotten so I know where he is maybe 1 night a week.  He seems to usually be with a family that he takes our kids geocaching with, because they have kids our kids' age.  But usually her husband is working or on call, so it's just him and her and our kids.  More than half the week, and even when I ask him to stay home so we can spend time together, he'll drop everything if she texts to say she's free.  He's bringing her to church with him now.  I feel like I can't even go because he's replaced me with her.  He left me home bawling this morning because it was more important to see her than figure out what was wrong with his wife, and when I tried to talk to him about it he left the room as usual.  He's so afraid of conflict that he won't even talk about our issues.

I don't usually rant anymore... the emotional baggage from the breast cancer is pretty well dealt with.  But my rock has been sick for a couple days while all this is going on and I have no more sounding board.  I feel drained and emo and I hate it.