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Reeka's blog: "Whatever"

created on 08/30/2009  |  http://fubar.com/whatever/b307919
from:
NaughtyI want to let everyone know I still feel the same about ...💋
subject: Hope you had fun
received: 10/9/2018 12:55 pm
replied:
no    block this member




You should be ashamed of yourself your at the top but your too greedy to let a lower level member level up wonder if your that greedy in real life. I think you are. Good luck being that way!!!
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from:
NaughtyI want to let everyone know I still feel the same about ...💋
subject: RE: Reeka sent you a BCA Wristband
received: 10/9/2018 12:56 pm
replied:
no    block this member

=== ' Reeka' wrote the following at '2018-10-09 12:53:14'..

>
"Support BCA!"

 

Click here to return the favor!

Click here to see this gift on your profile.



Greed Greed greed it just what you are!!!

-------------------------------------------------------------

 

She seems to have a status talking about skeleton key users, but here's the thing - people she has blocked can't read it!  I've got people begging in my shoutbox to polish their shit, I'm trying to get achievements for polishing Golden Skulls and Trucker Mustaches, and I'm altruizing a fam who needs points to level - this $#!^ is pissing me off.

FYI, if anyone needs a pony to polish and doesn't mind getting blocked for it...

3:57am futime

http://fubar.com/bling.php?u=5698739

Yes, I made it through the surgery on Tuesday.  But, as seems to be typical with me, nothing ever goes right.  They performed a Free TRAM flap, where they take skin, fat, muscle, and blood vessels from the abdomen and use microsurgery to attach it all back up on the breast.  Unfortunately, even though they made all the connections, after 3 tries they had to give up and take another section of tissue and try again.  Luckily they hadn't removed both sides initially, as they often do, so they were able to do that.  So, the surgery lasted 12 hours instead of the usual 6ish, and I've been really out of it.  It doesn't help that my allergies are kicking in megastyle and I have to sleep on my back, which induces a lot of coughing :/  But, as of today, I'm on my feet walking and switched over to oral pain meds instead of IV.  I still have an IV to get the Heparin I need to avoid blood clots.   Hopefully that will come out in another day or two.

So, not as much pain as I expected but it's no spring picnic either.  And now it seems I'll be an even smaller size than expected since they had to take extra tissue... which just means i'll need to shop sooner.  

It kinda hurts to sit up long... I'd expected to spend a boatload of time online during recovery but this time it's just not working out.  Ta ta for now.

Not that anyone will probably see this, or read it when they see the holy wall of words, but i need to vent.  

Since only one or a few of you know my recent past: I had an implant placed after the mastectomy that started giving me major problems about a year ago.  It had extensive capsular contracture, and my plastic surgeon kept the "wait and see" attitude until July, when pockets of infection were bursting through my skin trying to get out.  I had a deep abscess and the implant was removed (Friday the 13th, kinda funny).  A month later I was still having issues so they removed the capsule (the body naturally surrounds any foreign body with scar and other tissues in order to "seal off" the invader from the rest of the body) in August.  I spent the next 6 weeks recovering while on disability from work, until my doc finally said I could go back at reduced lifting.  My job description calls for 50 pounds of lifting, but I'd never had to lift more than 20 in my 9 months there, and was given clearance for 20.  Work decided they needed someone at full strength, so they put me back on medical leave and terminated my employment.  A snafu at the doctor's office meant that the disability company held payment starting in october, and now my former employer refuses to go to bat for me so I'm out the last 2 months of pay on that.  

A few days ago I saw my surgeon again, only to find out that the open wound I've had since August needs to finish closing on its own, hopefully in the next couple of months, and that the area of skin that had radiation treatments needs to soften significantly before they'll consider attempting reconstruction again.  This time reconstruction will be a TRAM or DIEP flap from my tummy, so my roll will disappear with the rest of the flab I lost after the last surgery when I couldn't eat for weeks.  I want it to happen soon, not only because I want a second boob (I'm not even allowed to stuff my bra, let alone use a prosthetic), but because I don't want to pursue another full time job only to get fired AGAIN months down the road when I can have reconstruction and need time off for recovery from major "elective" surgery.

Meanwhile, my niece showed up on thanksgiving at my sister's with her left eye closed.  She'd woken up and it just didn't want to focus - it was behaving like a lazy eye but sudden onset.  She'd had a prior episode last July where they figured it was Bell's Palsy, sent her home with steroids and did no further testing when they found out she had no insurance.  She's 26 years old and a full time student and has no money for insurance or to pay doctors and hospital bills, but she's now been diagnosed with MS.  I gave her $150 just to see the neurologist to find that out, after having given her mom (my sister) $100 the week before to get prescriptions and whatever else she needed.  When our mom died last year, we'd each gotten a decent amount from insurance policies and her retirement account - but she seems to have blown through it all.  I got a panicked message Saturday that her car is going to be turned off via a device she'd had to have installed to get it, if she didn't reinstate her car insurance by today.  After 2 days of waiting for info because she was too scared her husband would find out, she tells me at noon that she needs $250 on a green dot card to pay it.  I had to spend over an hour driving all over town to find a place that sold them, and then go back out to an ATM to get cash because they won't take debit cards.  It's a fucked up system.  I'm not working, and I have a shitload of medical bills and NO christmas shopping done yet and she wants me to bail her out yet again.  It's creating more tension between my husband and I as he's the one working now, and I'm stressed to the max.  Now she's sending me all kinds of messages saying thank you and she loves me, and I don't even want to talk to her after putting me through this crap.  She's my sister and I love her, but I don't like her very much.

Oh, and I booked us tickets to go to Tucson for 12/23-12/31 (hubby's sister lives there, and his mom has a condo there too) so I wouldn't be in town with anything extra to remind me of mom since she died 12/24/11.  Then I got subpoenaed for federal jury duty for the entire month, and they're not letting me postpone, so I have to call each week to see if I'm going to be able to go.  It would just be the perfect end to the shittiest year ever to have to be home alone on christmas again, like last year when he took the kids to wisconsin the day after mom died.

I grow tired of repeating myself and hoped that maybe people could do me the courtesy of reading this to avoid any awkward conversations later.

I am not single and not looking.  I have flirted in the past, but I am not at a point in my life where I can even appreciate it.  

I'm a breast cancer survivor; some of you know that.  Some of you know I've had to have a mastectomy to remove the cancer.  I had reconstruction with an implant on the affected side.  However, after 3 long years of dealing with complications due to the radiation treatment I received, I've had to have that removed.  I only have one breast right now; there's a cavity in my chest where the other belongs.  I say this not for sympathy or attention, but merely because I am SO bloody sick of dealing with assholes on this site talking about my tits or thinking they know what I've been through when you can't imagine what it's like to not only have to deal with the multiple surgeries and pain, but also the loss of the essense of your femininity.  It's not cute, funny, or sweet to talk about how the only thing that matters is that I'm alive.  It's certainly the most important thing, but not the only.  

For the curious, I have a 6-12 month wait before I can proceed with reconstruction.  The surgeon does not believe another implant will thrive due to the radiation damage.  His 2 best options are doing a latissimus dorsi flap reconstruction over implant (they take skin and underlying tissue and muscle from the shoulder blade and bring it around to the front) or a TRAM flap (similar procedure but from the tummy, with no implant).  Either one is major surgery with several months of recovery time.  I'd have to lose about 30 pounds to make the TRAM flap more viable because if you have too much tissue for the blood supply, it dies off and you have to have the dead tissue surgically removed as it happens - which results in an irregular shaped breast that's difficult to fix.

That's really all I'm gonna say for now... I don't mind answering questions people might have but I just wanted to get some of this out there so I don't lose it trying to talk to someone who has a genuine concern.  I'm not brave to go through this - I have no choice.  I deal with what I'm dealt.  Don't try to make me out to be some kind of hero; I'm just me.

Yes, I was in the ER, and yes, I'm home (and obviously alive).  For those of you with short attention spans, skip the rest :P

 

Yesterday just before lunch I started to feel a bit "off".  Kinda dizzy, but I had been for a couple days and wrote it off as serotonin withdrawal since I stopped my last antidepressant a week and a half ago.  I decided I'd go to lunch so I'd be sitting if something happened... when I stood up from the cafeteria table I almost swooned, and kept trying to power through whatever weirdness my body was throwing at me.  I started to breathe really fast because I couldn't take deep enough breaths to feel like I was getting enough oxygen.  I was working at the die press when I realized it was getting worse, not better, and I tried calling my doctor's office.  After waiting more than 5 minutes on the phone I decided to go to the ER since that's probably what they would tell me to do anyway.

For the first time, I was seen IMMEDIATELY to a room at the ER and was put on a cardiac monitor.  I was essentially panting, and it even scared my hubby enough to stay with me for 1/2 hour or so before returning to work.  They were worried I had a pulmunary embolism and did some blood tests and X-Rays to see if they could rule it out, but they were uncertain so I had a CT Scan.  Thankfully, it proved normal so they were able to rule out a PE but I was told I needed to stay overnight for observation and so I could be seen by the Cardiology team this morning.  I had initially gone in thinking maybe it was anaphalaxis from allergies or some such and this totally threw me.

I had a looonnnggg wait fasting, and finally saw the docs shortly after noon.  They are convinced I had an irregular heart rhythm and have set me up with a heart monitor that I have to wear for the next month (except when bathing).  They were also concerned about hte rash I had on my legs, that I begged dermatology to get me in for a followup ASAP for over a month ago, and the infectious disease doc says it's another MRSA infection... so I'm going on antibiotics too.  Plus I get to keep my "ASAP" derm appt that's still scheduled for 4/24.

With any luck, this is just a rule-out case and there's nothing wrong enough with my heart to warrant further studies like a cathetered angiogram or whatnot.

*goes back to eating everything in sight cuz my brain feels deprived*

yes, I said deprived, not depraved.  that was last week.

 

Carry on.

I've seen a bunch of comments lately about friends not having many fubucks.  I know several people helped me out when I was gunning for spotlight, but now that I leveled when the took the requirement away it seems I'll never be allowed to bid for it.

If anyone needs or wants, or know someone who deserves some, let me know about how many you'd like.  I have lots.

In case anyone's wondering why I've reverted to my old emo self...

I have this job thing going on.... I have an offer from one company but the one I really want to work for is only at the 2nd interview stage (it's scheduled for tomorrow at 1).  It's a better job, better commute, probably less money but worth it when you figure in the cost of commuting twice as far.  I'm juggling trying not to piss off the first company by putting them off too long, but not wanting to be the asshole that accepts an offer and then reneges when something better comes through.

Then there's my mom.  She had her quarterly CT scan on Friday, and they found the tumors had grown much larger and have now invaded her spinal column enough to worry about spinal compression.  She's not in any pain yet, but they rushed her to start immediate radiation therapy to try to shrink them before she loses too much function.  She can't drive now, and has zero filter on her speech, so she told me she wishes I wasn't going back to work so that I could help out so her husband could have a break now and then.

Then... there's my husband.  It's gotten so I know where he is maybe 1 night a week.  He seems to usually be with a family that he takes our kids geocaching with, because they have kids our kids' age.  But usually her husband is working or on call, so it's just him and her and our kids.  More than half the week, and even when I ask him to stay home so we can spend time together, he'll drop everything if she texts to say she's free.  He's bringing her to church with him now.  I feel like I can't even go because he's replaced me with her.  He left me home bawling this morning because it was more important to see her than figure out what was wrong with his wife, and when I tried to talk to him about it he left the room as usual.  He's so afraid of conflict that he won't even talk about our issues.

I don't usually rant anymore... the emotional baggage from the breast cancer is pretty well dealt with.  But my rock has been sick for a couple days while all this is going on and I have no more sounding board.  I feel drained and emo and I hate it.

OK, first of all I should say that I am in NO WAY condoning whatever actions this particular fubarian has done.  But the purpose of sex offender registries is to inform people that might live nearby that there is a potential danger so they can be aware.  The main opposition to such registries is the possibility that people on them might be harassed and terrorized, and that is what I see going on here.  I have seen the Texas registry of the person in question, and with no other details it looks to me like it was an isolated incident within the home.  He is listed as low risk.  

I doubt anyone here aside from he and his wife know what really happened.  I don't know either or them, or any explanations they may have given.  I think child molestation is heinous, but I also think that the constant badgering by the mumming community is shameful.  I can't imagine why he persists in staying here, but perhaps it's because of the attention he's getting, or so that he can play the victim - because believe me, I have seen attack after attack upon him and little in return.  I'd like to see him leave the site too, but this bullying is out of control.

Just my 2 cents... I'm sure not many agree with me, but I had to rant.

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