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17 huh? the death of youth...the condemnation of adults around wanting you to be an adult...the battle with friends over moving on to new things...god i remember 17...a time of pain...lonliness...isolation...being adopted by grandparents and dealing with a generation who had watched people my parents age go thru the world of rebellion, freedom, peace, love, drugs...the age of aquarius and woodstock...manson and the family...viet nam...oh my god...when i think of how i would have thrived in that world...that age...i would have been long gone from the world i lived in...off to hitchhike across america and just being who i am...someone who has no clue about why the hell their conception was allowed...an accident that was brought into this world in the name of a catholic god...abortion was not an option...and when i think that ten years later i may not have existed...it boggles the mind...i read this poem...and think of the wars we all go thru in our minds...good against evil...the id wanting the evil...the superego saying go for the good...and the ego shriveling away and dying in the face of two stronger antagonists that battle on a daily basis...how can one's own personality survive? is anyone truly the person they were meant to be in this life? my god when i'm tired my mind goes a million miles a minute and i can't grasp the thoughts quickly enuf to write them down...and i know that this one is going in my blogs...becuz tomorrow this train of thought will be gone...lost...it was brought on by the pain that gets deeper everyday...i need to leave this site i really do...i don't think straight when i'm here...i have no idea what you were looking for when you asked me to read this...all i know was it brought out something i've buried recently and that is the question of why the hell am i on this miserable excuse for a planet? watching the pain of the people around me...wondering if there is true happiness to be found...trying to keep from crying for the lack of any true emotions anymore...bottled up inside not allowed out becuz if i start crying i may never stop...time to ask the question too...how do i make this damn pain stop?
