I really dont know where to begin with this but the last four days have been an emotional tidal wave. Most of you know i lost my brother almost a year and a half ago which was the hardest thing i ever had to deal with and honestly it almost broke me. My brother was my best friend, my protector and im still adjusting to being an only child, i mean ive been a sister my entire life and some days it still hits pretty hard that im all alone now. Its very sad when anyone dies but my brother was so young with his entire life ahead of him, passing 1 week after his 30th birthday. A year before my brother died my uncle passed away of a heart attack at the age of 40 which was incredibly odd because my grandfather whom ive never met also died at 40 with a heart attack. Well we recieved the call Wed that my other uncle had passed out in his home after a bbq and was in the icu on life support. That evening his girlfriend called to let us know it was due to a stroke and after some tests the doctor said he was brain dead and would spend the rest of his life on life support. Since he wasnt married my grandmother whom i havent spoken to since i was 12 had to let the doctors know what the next step would be. Thursday morning she drove to texas where he lived and told them to pull the plug...20 mins later he passed away at the young age of 46. My grandmother was having him cremated Friday morning and was driving him back to Missouri to sit on her mantle next to my other uncle. My aunt informed us my grandmother wasnt going to have a visitation, funeral or anything...this evil vindictive woman decided she wasnt even going to post an obituary and we dont even know if his only son knows that his father is dead and since my grandmother did all this in a matter of 2 days will go the rest of his life without even being able to tell his father goodbye or have closure because he also lives in texas and doesnt speak to my "grandmother".
So my mother and aunt decided we would hold a little ceremony at the lake in Missouri and release some balloons in his honor and also for my other uncle so my mom could have some closure on that since she wasnt able to say bye and go to his funeral. So Friday morning my mom, my girls and myself drove to Missouri to my aunts whom ive also not seen in year's. Saturday we picked up some balloons and we all went to the lake and i said a poem then we released the balloons not only in his memory but also my brother's and other uncle. As cheezy and lame as this may sound to some it was comforting that at least he was honored and remembered in some way and tomorrow morning my mom is putting an obituary in the paper for him not only as a memory but also something to give his son as soon as we are able to get a hold of him. The positive turn of this is that we decided to stay a couple extra days and catch up with my aunt and her family and re-live some good memories growing up and i was able to show my girls our old house and my old school and places me and my brother played and where we used to ride our 4 wheelers so it was nice to be able to share a little piece of my past with my own children and finally put faces and places to all the stories they've heard. Ive not been back to this town since i was 12 and it was very overwhelming all the little things that i had forgotten that came back to me. This huge chunk of my life that contained so many emotions happy and sad and though it was something i needed it was also very painful to walk down memory lane without my brother by my side.
Anyway i realize this became very long but to be honest im writing it mostly for myself. Im unloading some things in the only way i know how and that is my writing.
Thanks 4 Reading
