First of all, is it just me or has the Cherry Tap landscape really dulled the fukk out lately??
I mean, I know my bulletins aren't groundbreaking and dey ain't about to change the world, but I'm having a really hard time finding bulletins that can keep my interest for more than a paragraph.
With that said, It's actually refreshing reading..... Reading the drama and mistakes you guys have made.....through the various surveys you all post......although true intrigue is something most of you seem to have abadoned for fear of ridicule. (why do the survey if you are gonna be all vague about everything?)
Well.....as for me..... I welcome it.
I mean, we all read blogs/bulletins to satisfy our voyeuristic urges…(not to mention the fact that I'm on here soley for the nakey pics).... but few of them actually satisfy.....hopefully mine do...(not the nakey pics...the blogs)
So, being inspired by the fact that I met three new potential jumpoffs on the internet......I, too, shall re-post some mistakes and bad decisions I've made over the course of my life.
But this being Kav-Boogie, and not Oprah, you know it's of the NC-17 variety….
here goes.....
In a couple months, I will celebrate the day where I've officially been having sex (secks, for the NSFW filter in you) more than half of the years I've been alive. In anticipation of this important moment — only important because it allows for a smooth transition into the meat of this entry, but otherwise is of zero significance — I will rehash some of the more awkward intimate moments I've had over the years.
Everyone who has had secks has also had a few moments during secks where some awkward shyt has happened. Despite what you may see in movies or read in those wack azz Ann Rayne (the vampire chick - Im not sure about her name) and Zane novels, secks ain't really all that secksy.
It can be messy......... It has a certain sensual funk...... It can entail awkard positions........ And, when you take a step back, the shyt actually looks kinda funny.
So with this in mind, it should be no surprise that secks can have its "moments.".......And in sticking with my theme of telling you more information than you care to know, here are a few of mine…..
Did you hear that duck??
There are some things that are just not secksy.....
Ape shit… not secksy....... Hairy armpits that smell like Indian food mixed with Arab taxi drivers…. not secksy...... And farting during secks is certainly NOT secksy....... But everyone has been down this road.
There you are......knee deep in some sugar walls gettin in more humps that 3 camels and Quasimodo on a Wednesday...... You are rotating your hips like a new set of tires......And then, you feel it — that bubble in your stomach........The next thing you know, just as you make that extra hard, deep thrust that will send her over the edge…. your azz makes a noise that sounds like you just stepped on a duck! (And all the coughing or clearing your throat to try to cover up the sound doesn't work!)
Yes, fool. Yes!........ She heard your azz too, and it is all she can do to stay focused to get hers........I'm just sayin...... the big "O" is hard to come by in those atmospheric conditions!
Damn bedroom smelling like an azz and toe jam omelet!!!
I have been THIS dude........ Sometimes those bourbon and cranberries get to talkin' to a Brutha.... and needs to make themselves known......And women think they are smooth by lettin loose while their azz is flush against the sheets… thinking the mattress will absorb it! Let me just tell ya'll…. it doesn't..... And yes, we know — we just don't give a care at that point in time.
Look, Ma, no cavities!
I remember hearing that eating a woman out while you have a cough drop in your mouth was the bomb..... So I decided to give it a try… except there was one problem… I didn't have a cough drop. (ya'll know no good came out of this, right?)
So I'm in the middle of handling business and thinking to myself....... "what could I use instead of a cough drop???"
And then that ghetto-azz light bulb flickered on and off in my head… I'd found the work-around like all Black folks do… .TOOTHPASTE......
So I abruptly stopped, jumped up and told her I'd be right back.
I went in the bathroom and laced my damn gums with Crest!
Then I returned and dove back in…. to no avail........
Wellll…. something did happen…. she busted out laughing! (bitch)
Either she thought her shyt was so tart that a brutha needed some immediate fluoride protection...... or she thought I was trying to make her coochie cavity-free and provide her with long-term protection against gingivitis!..... LOL
One thing I will say......I had the freshest post-coochie breath ever known to man........ While my face may have looked like somebody rubbed some glazed donuts on it......my breath was minty-friggety-fresh....
say word....
Junior Wetworth
Have you ever tried goin' down on a woman while in the shower?? ........Lemme tell you…. I tried it once — I damn near DROWNED........that.day.
Let me set the scene for you:
She was standing up facing the shower head with the water on full blast........ I was kneeling down in front of her with my back to the shower head......... The water was hitting her about chest level and cascading down her….. and into my gahdamn nose!
Not.....cool...... It's already hard enough that I was damn near getting lockjaw......but now a nygga gotta drown too??? .....Word of advice for the oral aquabatics......either put her back to the shower head or bring a damn snorkel.......that is all......
DJ BackScratch
Let me also say that it is hard as heezy to maintain your male bravado and machismo when someone is scratching the hell out of your back...... You may be puttin in serious work… got on your "I'm waxin that azz sumthin serious" face and everything….. but once them nails hit your back and dig a row of trenches in that shyt??
Dude..........that "I'm a bad muhfukka" face turns to an "oowww shit!!....... I think I'm gonna cry" face....... LOL
There is no reason I should be checkin out my back in the mirror afterwards and it look like massa just convinced me that my name was Toby and not Kunta...... Lookin like Denzel in Glory! LOL.....I'm just sayin…
if my back looks like I have on a brown suit with pink pinstripes, we may have a problem......My back lookin like a damn DJ competition with all the scratchin' goin' on.....
giving a whole new meaning to the term scrapin dat ass....
I could go on for days, but I'll spare you. But follow my lead… take a day and air out some dirty laundry!
Your closet won't be so damn funky once ya do.
Im jus sayin.....
