There we were.
We stood alone in the laundry room about to get on some serious spin-cycle strokin'.
She was sitting on the washer with her legs spread and I was standing in front of her a centimeter from her face and a nanosecond from making her coochie Bounce with some thick-dizzled Cheer that I was about to lay Down…
….. -y.
Oh the joys of illicit sexcapades!
Both of you are willing to get it all the way on anywhere that allows for entry into the pink snappin tunnel of love.
No inhibitions! No cares!
Only unbridled urges to saddle up and ride that bytch into the sunset.
So as we stand there, about to do what we came to do while her whites were in the dryer, her colors in the washer, and her body in my control, I couldn't help but think about how much fun it would be to stroke in the laundromat like they do in the movies and then go brag about the shyt to my boys — 'cause you know that's what young niggas do.
Then her boyfriend walks in.
Ya'll remember that scene in Crash when dude and his wife are driving home and she is giving him some head, then they get pulled over by the cops?
And when he is gettin unfairly harrassed by the cops, she gets her ass out the truck and ends up getting the R. Kelly special from the cop??
And then she chastises dude because he didn't do anything to prevent the sidewalk molestation that ensued??
'Memba that?'
Well, I remember sitting in the movie theater during that scene and wondering what I would have done in the same situation.
I mean, you have two options:
1) You could be Mr. Bold Black Man and get that ass summarily and thoroughly thrashed on the side of the street by two white boys beating grand slams all upside your rock ass head
or
2) Keep your mouth shut and then argue about the shit with ol' girl when you get home.
Kassandra told me after I saw the movie when I asked her what she would have done in that situation — she said the classic quote that is the best response I've heard,
"I woulda stayed my ass in the car!"
Now THAT, would have been the smart way to avoid this whole shyt!
Instead, the woman, who should have stayed her drunken ass in the truck and used the opportunity of her man being accosted by the police to look in the mirror and knock the pubes from the corners of her mouth and freshen her breath so that her man doesn't have to get back in the car and smell stale musty morning breath and dick fumes, got OUT the car and made matters worse…
putting her man in a hell of a predicament.
I hate to say it, but I think I would have chosen the latter just like ol' boy did in the movie.
The only thing worse than having your woman think you're a punk because you didn't stand up for her is having your punkosity confirmed by getting your ass whooped right in front of her face.
There are few things more emasculating that getting beat down in front of your woman.
It isn't that chivalry is dead, it's that billy clubs have a way of speaking directly to a man's soul.
But that begs the question of how far is a man supposed to go in protecting his woman and just how far does a woman expect for her man to go in protecting her?
Sometimes the ass whoopin — either yours or his — is worth it.
I am all for doing what it takes to get my lady out of danger, even if it means I'm gonna take a loss all about the cranial region from some thug nigga who came to the spot for the sole reason of starting some shyt.
Though it may be old-fashioned, I still believe a man's duty is to protect his woman.
Just like it's her fukkin duty to start beatin muhfukkas with high heels and coach bags if her man is getting his ass whooped.
I ain't getting beat up,
WE is getting beat up.
50-50 gahdamn….. 50.50. LOL
Seriously though, I feel that a man should do everything in his power to ensure his lady is safe and sound… in the long run.
Gettin shot by the cops doesn't make your lady safe.
But bustin a dude's skull wide open because he put his hands on her is certainly worth every knuckle you break on his buck-ass-teeth.
And also worth the assault charge that would get thrown out when the judge realizes he touched your lady.
I don't think I've ever been in a situation where a dude was about to go ballistic on my lady and I had to step in to try to twist a nigga's head off so he, and everyone else, would know that my girl isn't the one to mess with.
Of course, niggas have tried to holla at a girl I'm seeing on various occassions throughout my life, but that's nothing that simply ignoring or a firmly placed, "She's with me, dude" hasn't resolved.
Plus, I ain't a fighter, I'm a lover….. and though Michael Jackson uttered them gay ass words in the duet with Paul McCartney back in the day, them shits ring true with me … though I'm nothing like MJ…. though I just quoted him….
Nah, kav Boogie doesn't put himself in positions where niggas gotta start wrestling on the ground like two gay monkeys all because someone tried to holla at his lady and he feels "disrespected."
Gimme a fuggin break.
That word is sooo played out and simply bullshyt rationale for trying to prove to the world you ain't a punk.
Trust me, if you ain't a punk, the world will know… you won't have to prove it by getting all loud an' shit.
Have you seen the "Keepin It Real" sketch on the Chappelle Show??
Yeah nigga, that shit happens.
You got to know when to hold'em and when to fold'em, jack.
Most of those situations can be averted by simply keeping your head and remaining cool.
Though I will admit that yours truly has been less of the "disrespectee" and more on the side that could potentially possibly maybe be conceived as the "disrespector."
Maybe. Possibly.
Like that day with ol' girl doing her laundry.
When dude walked in, I didn't know what the fukk to think.
We couldn't lie our way out of it because we were so close that the asshole of a gnat couldn't have flown between us.
The position was compromising like a muhfukka… and that's some serious ass compromising.
Pun intended.
Dude came to the doorway.
She and I snapped our heads to the doorway and she instinctively pushed me a couple steps back as I instinctively stepped back a couple steps.
Yeah, I could have played hard role and flashed him a playa ass smirk and said some gangsta shit like,
"Yo' bitch chose me!"
But um…. no.
Not really my character… well… I would do some shit like that, but not for this broad and not in this situation…. and not if I'm sober…. nor sane.
And so mentally I prepped myself for dude to start talkin' mad shit and then start swingin on me.
I also prepped for the seemingly inevitable string of "Baby, it's not what you think…" bullshit from ol' girl's mouth in a vain attempt to downplay what was painfully evident.
The proverbial red hand had been snared.
So guess what dude did?
Nothing. Nada. Zero. Zilch.
He started walkin in… I told her I'd talk to her later…. and I walked by him not even looking in his direction and bounced.
The end....That is all...... DOT COM.
Thiggetty-thiggety-that's all folks!
Fukkin exit stage left and roll credits.
I couldn't believe it!...... Dude said nothing!
The next day, ol' girl called me and told me that after I left he asked her, "What was that all about??"
To which she responded, "He was trying to kiss me, but I pushed him away just as you walked in."
*GASP*
You lyin' ass BITCH!!! LOL
How you gon' play me like that??
You KNOW YOU called me to meet YOU there because you said your man wasn't "doing it for you."
And then you gon' act like I was just tryin to get my push-up on???
Ugh. Bitches and flies.
So now, I'm thinkin dude is gonna step to me.
Whereas if he realized he walked in on something consensual, his beef should have rightfully been with her and he shouldn't have had a word for me since it ain't me that he's in a relationship with, but NOW dude thinks I made unsolicited physical advances and had pushed all up on his girl — all up 'tween the legs and whatnot — and that, at least in my book, is grounds for a "talkin' to."
Do you know that dude said nothing?!?
And do you know that in that same conversation ol' girl asked me to come by and see her because he was gone for the weekend?!?
The way I see it, dude in the movie about to get his ass whooped by the cops was right in keeping his cool.
And dude who "thought" his girl had just been accosted by me and doing nothing was a bitch move.
"Maybe he knew his girl was loose and tolerated that shit."
No, bitch. He didn't do shit because he was a punk.
Your lady has been accosted by some dude at night in an empty laundromat and you don't say shit??
Un-fukkin-accepptable.
Or maybe he simply thought of the phrase I wrote above:
"It isn't that chivalry is dead, it's that billy clubs have a way of speaking directly to a man's soul."
Where the billy clubs would have been my elbows gettin krunk on his esophagus…. 'cause this "lover" would have beat his ass… it woulda been a flawless victory because he WAS a punk.
But in the defense of your woman, it should have been worth the risk.
Plus, if I had started wailin' on him, his girl would have helped HIM… and they might have got in my ass that.day.
50-50.
Instead, he didn't take the mature route, in my opinion… he made the bitch move.
Maybe those were his panties that she was washing.
