I am in pain! Yet I feel nothing! Why is that? I wish I knew!! But it is as if I am destined to live this life with the pains of my past still fresh and my body has compensated by taking away all of my pain!
This is a good thing I know…yet I cannot help but think of the things I am missing!
Do not cry for me though I am already gone….. I do not know when I get to feel… or when I get to come back from the hell I am in!
I love my friends yet not even there friendship is enough to kill the pain I know is inside of me! No…..that is not right….. Friendship is the only lifeline I have left! If it was not for them I wouldn’t be here! It is because of my friends that I am not forever in this darkness!!!! I say thank you all the time!!!! I just wish there was a way for me to show just how much there friendship really means to me! But I am yet to find a way…..
I say those three words to much! “I love you” no one hears it when I say it…. I show my love but they just see the sad depressed little thing I am….. But I am not always like this! I can show love like no other! But the only person who would let me is long gone…. And took my love with her……it just has no meaning for me anymore…. Just a joke to tell people and watch them laugh at how funny I am…. How silly I act…… I wish I knew how to find what it is I am looking for! But I am lost in my own world of…..mistrust! I wish I could let them know that I am not joking! There are few people I tell my secrets to……and to have them see me as some joke….. Well that really cuts me deep! But I am used to being cut….. My body is clean but my heart is covered by the scars of my past! I bleed but the blood is black…..black as my heart has become.
I fear my past more then I fear the world! It is the past that brings more pain! And I do not wish it to! I must find a way to drown this pain and leave it to the grave!!! Even tho I cannot feel it I know it is there! And simply knowing is bad enough!!!!
I must say something now! I am not lost! I have anchors in this world! You know who u are! I thank you for always being there even tho you are in pain as well. I wish I could take your pain! As you are always there for me! And yet I hardly ever get to help you! Friendship for me is the strongest bond one can feel! And it is through friendship that I find the strength to go forward and forget my past just a little more!!
I’m slowly losing myself a little more right now so I will go!
Maybe they will save me tonight?
Maybe they will just find what’s left?
I wish I knew!! Then I could worn them of what they may find!!
Fair well my friends I shall miss you all……..good bye!!!
By a dammed soul
