Ragdoll's blog: "good stuff"

Nov 13, 2007 Alcohol and Inseminated Kneecaps... (Repost) I know Im reposting one from the archives...Its ok, this writer is still on strike...at least thru the rest of today.... *********************************************** I got to thinking today about the funny things that happen in your life. Ya know..those experiences and stories that are supposed to happen to someone else but...whether its bad karma or murphy's law it just happens to you. I have had a saying now to describe events in my life...It falls under the heading of Shit, Piss and Vomit I have to add Reproductive Body Fluids to the list! I have recently found out, it must be as common as Restless Leg Syndrome, because there are others out there who's lives parallel along the same lines. I dont know whether to be comforted by this or more disturbed. In 1980 something , in a small town west of Ft.Worthless, Texas, The water supply was dwindling due to lack of rainfall and excessive heat. Now, couple this with an accident of some idiot on a backhoe breaking thru a gas line which spills natural gas into the the already dwindling community water supply and we now have disaster. The whole town is without water. While the city fathers are scrambling to make a deal to truck in Bottled water for the city...there is a sudden spike in Liquor sales. Our household heeded the call and stocked up on whiskey, and lots of it. When the body is dehydrated from water, it does crazy things to your mind. Have you ever seen those movies with someone hallucinating out in the desert? Makes you think things are out there that arent. It was kinda like that in my house. Now add alcohol. I was delirious. I was hallucinating that my ex was a stud puppy movie star and alcohol turned on my cervical radar to make him mine. Bad move...Bad dream...Bad whiskey. You dont put two dehydrated drunk horny people in the same bed. Its a concoction of disaster. Clothes are flying, anticipation is at a record all time high....the throw down is about to begin. Just when you think ying and yang are in perfect harmony for once......You suddenly realize... he THINKS he's giving you the best performance in your marital life...and you become painfully aware.... he just got off on your knee. And that was in the first 30 seconds of being in bed! Seminal fluids on my kneecap, can double for coffee in this situation. It was my version of Insta-Sober. How could this be? Why did the Gods hate me at this very moment? In my delusional mind I was about to be plowed by the sexiest Rock Star alive....and he thought my kneecap was a vagina! Game Over...what do you do? EWWWWW! Where is the fucking Bleach? As he rolls over and commences to snoring...I couldve shot Mother Nature for the lack of rain, The backhoe operator for being a dick in his job, and last but not least my ex's anatomy teacher. This is what happens when you get a Texas Education. Drunken wet Kneecaps. No wonder Texas ranks 49th for Education! Keep Smilin' Keep Laughin' Keep Lovin' with knee pads on.......