Icarus's blog: "Hurts to watch."

Alright, as promised, my update.

Last night...

*backs up*

Monday she asked me to make her and her roommmate dinner.

I made

marinated lamb
-
1/2 cup of tomato sauce
1 1/2 tbs tahini paste
splash of balsalmic
1/2 a teaspoon of honey
a heavy pinch of salt
a few grinds of pepper
a dusting of red pepper

per pound and a half of cubed lamb meat.

2 cups of couscous in 3 cups of chicken broth

chopped shitake mushrooms
julianed red onion
crushed garlic
used the remants of the marinade in the cooking liquid

You get the idea.

Served a cheese plate while I made salad

salad was

1:2 ratio balsalmic vinegar:olive oil
and 1 tbs of creamy horseradish sauce

an ass load of spinach (technical measurement)
rinsed dried torn

finely minced red onion, finely minced garlic (scant finger fulls)
grated goat-gouda
chives
kalamata olives
finishing salt
cracked pepper

And for dessert I diced some mango with the same nice I cut the onions with... and that made an interesting flavor.

Then it was story time all around.

I did the full version of my biggest story. (the worst 2 days fo my life)
Talked about when I found out I was a godfather.
And... for some reason I had to answer honestly about something,

I think the roommate made some offhand comment about being raped or something referencing why I was so skittish around people

and I said I had actually been violently molested multiple times in my life and some of the repercussions that had on my development emotionally, sexually and psychologically.

I found that I wasn't comfortable talking about it, but ... I've never been one to avoid a direct line of questioning other than my name :P

I think that was a little shocking. I didn't go into graphic detail, but yeah... fiddled unwillingly by my peers, had questions about my own sexuality, felt some desperate need for approval after that, so on. which transitioned into my emotional blackhole, being bullied at school, my very strict system of justice, and eventually I just came around to no longer hurting people, and that willfully doing the right thing, rather than feeling I was paying some penance finally came around as first nature in my life.

Someone made the comment that it was kind of understandable now
because it seemed like every aspect of my life had attacked me at one time or another.

That really made sense in context with my life.

I wouldn't say I'm a victim.

But I often joke that I'm a target.

That was the heaviest the conversation got.
It really seems like by comparison I've had an awful life... *shrugs*
all I know.

It was lightheartedly dour. And we could bounce back pretty easy, I think it also helps that I tell these stories with the same flare C3PO used in the return of the jedi. And I can joke about these things now.

I think its a good sign that as I was cleaning up she started spooning the leftovers out of the pan and eating them.

Either she's that hungry, that intent on not wasting food, or it was as good as they had said.

*shrugs* I liked it. And I liked being there.
Forgot my spatula though. Sure I'll get it back.

Report came back that they were up til 1 talking after I left at 10:20.

... wonder what they were talking about.