Throwing around the words"I LOVE YOU" Current mood: bummed Category: Blogging I find it really disgusting how people can throw around the words that are suppose to mean the most in this life. I have never said I love you and not meant it. And How does one fall in love so easy and fast? How can people really fall out of love and in love over a small period of time? I think the answers to those questions are people want things their way, are in lust, or they just need to hear or have someone need them. I rememeber the love that my parents had...it was a love that I really can't explain but mom lived for my dad! She would have done ANYTHING for him. He loved her yes and I know that but she was the bond that held them together. My mom was the best example of love that there ever was to me. She was a woman of honor and stayed with my dad regardless of the problems they suffered. For better or worse...in sickness and in health...til death do us part...Wonder where this went? I really do not think that anyone who can not live by these words deserve to get married. I can understand, if a man/woman hits you...If they have cheated...treat you like dirt everyday...but this is not the case most of the time. I do believe in love...however I do not believe in being married any longer. I do not believe that it is something that will last. In my lifetime I have dreamed of the perfect wedding and having children and a happy life being a momma. This dream has been shattered by being sick and the worlds fondness to divorce. Why waste the time? I have lived a really hard life the past few years and it got really bad after my father died. I know now who I can count on and who truely loves me. It is sad again how those words are thrown around. I have had numerous people tell me that they love me and that they are here for me when I need them...but the truth is, they just say that because they have to. I mean it when I say it. I may not be able to do much...but atleast I will listen with an open mind. And if I tell you that I love you...I do! Dad and mom will always be in my heart and I will miss them dearly until the day that I die...but knowing how things have become I am soo glad that they are in heaven and are happy! They are the lucky ones. I will continue to live in this mess of a world until God takes me...but I will try to live to the best of my ability and let my love shine through. I am going to try to live everyday as if it were my last. So to all of you...(you know who you are) That I love, know this...I will FOREVER be the friend I claim to be and do what I can and when I can to be here and love you with all of my heart!

I have been offline now for about 4 weeks and I feel like I have so much to say!!! I have had some up and some downs and the downs definately out number the ups, however I am going to make it :D I am tired of being sad and hurt by people that are close to me and men so I have a new outlook on life...I don't give a f*ck! I will not expect people to treat me any sort of way that way I can't be hurt. I will continue to be myself and be a giving , understanding, and loving person because I can't change. But I just simply can not think it will happen in return...sad, but true. I learn things the hard way. I except people for who they are and don't expect anyone to change how they are, but one thing I will not tolerate is being stepped on. This is not for one specific person...too many to name. But know I love you all and will always continue to! Lizzy Oh BTW I have a new apartment and I am gonna be getting DRUNK this weekend!! LOL Got me some Seagrams 7 WOOT WOOT!!

I have been thinking and I totally LOVE the Tap as you all know! I want to start a folder of Salutes just for me If you would like one, or would like me to make one for you...just ask me and please make me one I love them and want them. Also, I am going to be making a private folder ONLY I CAN SEE! So if you want to make a SPECIAL pic of any kind please do that as well, I would love to see what you can come up with! I will hopefully be adding new pics soon I did want to make it to a LEvel 20 before I added so I will need a couple more Blast I am sure. But anyway...you all please be creative and if you want a Salute made for u...from me...just mess me and let me know!! Hugs and kisses, Lizzy B

It has been a little while since I wrote anything on here so I thought I would let everyone know I am alive lol. I have been having some rough times but who hasn't, I guess I am trying really hard to make it through them by myself to show everyone that I can do it. It is really hard to figure out lifes major things when other things are happening too. I am doing better than I was doing for a bit...I was a little crappy for a minute lol. I am starting to figure out that I can't change what things aren't in my power to change, but the things that are, like me and my suroundings can be fixed. I can also control how I handle how people treat me and act towards me. If someone wants you in their life...they will show it. And BELIEVE ME I know who wants me in their life now a days. I hate it so much when people turn out to be not at all what you thought. It is a sad thing. I will get over it though and learn from it. Now to just move on. I am very sad that certian people in my life choose to be distant and out of my life...perhaps I caused it...maybe I made them run away. I am not sure too many feelings that I feel, but I do know to get past the hurt...I must move on, and I will. I am learning to grow other ways. I am in the process of writing a book, or trying to anyway lol. I am concentrating on trying to keep my house going so I can stay on my own. And if I have to take other measures I will figure that out and deal with it. I don't want to do that, so I am working really hard trying to keep myself going in my own house. It isn't easy, but again I am going to learn and grow from this and it will make me better and stronger having gone through it. I am glad to be feeling just a little better I thank God for that. I really hope that it stays this way for a long time to come. I have been trying to change my attitude about things and people...It can't rain all the time huh?

I am really dumb founded at people these days, however what should we expect from a society out for themselves. I am speaking of just things I am seeing and realizing in people I can't understand. Why is it so hard to tell the truth? I am not understanding why that is...Or why is it so hard for others to be there or be concerned for someone else? I am speaking of humans in general...family...friends...the government...anyone in the system that helps others. I never realized about the help...until I needed it...Now that I am sick, without my parents because they have both passed on and the help, just isn't comming, I never realized that it was this bad. I do have friends...I do have family and I love both of all of them very much. I guess I feel like as much of a care giver that I have been my entire life...I felt I would have more support. I know that some people can't give what they don't have or are't able to give. I also know there are people that are just not willing to give at all. (speaking of emotional support) I have applied for disability because I have an illness that is incurable and I have cronic pain 24/7 I am seriously ill right now, but not all the time. This illness will kill me...but hopefully I will live a long life!! Now with disability...they are taking their sweet time giving me an answer...I have been fighting them for 6 years. I finanlly went to court, now the judge is taking her time making the decision. I am starting to get scared about my utilities getting turned off...getting my medication...all this junk, plus trying to stay healthy is very hard to do. So this is where I thought, I would have some sort of support. I mean what am I suppose to think? I told my doc today, If I didn't have my cat...and be forced to get up and feed her cause I love her...I wouldn't have got up...I am that discouraged and sick. You get to the point where you are tired of fighting and crying...being scared...worring and just being you know? I am not looking for a PITY PARTY from anyone. I am not saying I have never gotten support...or don't appreciate what I have got. What I am saying is I will never have what I need I do know that. On the way home from the DOC I was crying because...I am a big baby, that is freakin scared right now...I heard "HERO" by M. Carey and listened to the words very intently...I am going to do this. I can, and will be ok...I am going to have bumps in the road But I will be my hero! I haven't been able to work for a while now. What I would give to have the health some people have that hate to work. I loved working! I would work 16 hours a day sometimes. I miss that life I will never have back. So one thing to think about when you get up and hate to go to work...appreciate the fact that you can go and work. I am glad that I am alive, just miss my old life. Well I guess I am through babbling and rambling on. Some things you just need to get off your chest! Life just gets better and better!!

Entry for September 19, 2006 This is how I feel! I am really not sure what to say today... I have been thinking so much about how things have been going in my life and maybe trying to move out of state. I am actually working on seeing about it. I am not sure it is the right thing to do...not sure what to do anymore. Too much drama for me is all I know. I can't take it all, so I do believe that running away would be the best answer. I am not one to run from my problems...but I think it has gotten to the point where I just can't make anything better for myself or anyone else. It is a get out while you can situation maybe...This isn't just one factor in my life...We are talking 100's of factors made me come to this maybe decision. I don't want to go, but I don't want to get so stressed that I make myself sick and die either, so I am trying to get to a happy medium for myself. This is a hard thing to decide. Anyway...gonna go night night! Still don't know!!!!!!!!!!

Why do humans act the way they do? (thanks X LOL) I am really tired of everyone using me as the scape goat or to feed there drama lovin minds. That is their problem! I always seem to get the blame for things that I do not do...why is that you ask? I am not sure.... but it stops from this day forth! Let's see I have been taught that honesty is the best policy...ummm yea, who said it? Cause it bites me! Why can some people have and live by a double standard and "ELIZABETH" can't? well I am sick of alot of shit!! My life is in turmoil as we speak I am an adult! Don't need the drama! Don't wanna hear about how I have hurt someone cause I was concerned!! And further more!! To all the haters I can't help it if your man wants me!!! And you that have said you have been with me...GET A LIFE!! NEVER GONNA GET IT!! FED UP! LIZZY BORDON!

At this time in my life I have never felt more alone. Not because I have no one, but because I can't fix anything. I have great people in my life. But when it comes down to everything...I can only depend on me being here for me. I never thought my life would ever end up like this...in any way at all. Of course as a child you have big dreams for your self. Wishes...My wishes and dreams never came true. I don't mean that in a pitiful way...I just wonder why some of us get get what we wish for and others don't. I know that I am here for a reason...not sure what it is yet, but hopefully I will find out someday soon. I would love to have a life of meaning. Helping others is what I used to be able to do...now I can't even help myself so I can't give what I don't have. So hopefully one day I will feel un-lonely LOL!!! Thanks for reading my thoughts.