legalboxers's blog: "Life"

so I set up a special ringtone so I know when she calls and not to pick up the phone. Im eating lunch and I went to check my phone, you text me under a new number. Being the nice person I am I entertain your msg and call.

You told me about the last two disasters you had,and the last person to move in with you was a drug addict. You wanted to go out. So I said "lets goto AC" if you were going to be cold as ice to me I wouldnt have gone, but stupid me.

No rooms to be had at the inn, as I put it. So I drove back the 3 hours. I was one exit short and I get pulled over. I get asked "why did I goto AC for and was I drinking". was not drinking and my right foot was swollen and fingers were numb.

We finally get a hotel and you tell me "I sleep with my clothes on". Only for me or everyone else? you covered yourself from head to toe. In 60 degree room. And put a pillow barricade up.

We get back to your area, you still treated me the same to take you to Lowes, Walmart and Home Depot. But you withheld at least a hug. Why did you want to meet me - when you didnt even treat me right

What is day. what’s is special about a day. A Birth, a wedding, a first date, a first kiss
an interview, a promotion, a meeting with the parents after a dating a while, a wedding proposal, a wedding, the birth of your first born, the day your first born goes to school for the first time, graduates school, gets their first job, first car, many firsts…But as of today, September 11,2021, as did on September 11, 2001, 2,977 (and growing…) did not live to see their many firsts
Out of these firsts, will also be the last is what we missed about those firsts we had with these people who were:
A Mother.....
A Father
A Step Mother..
A Step Father..
A Sister..
A Brother..
An Aunt..
An Uncle
A Godmother..
A Godfather..
A Wife..
A Husband..
A Child..
A Friend..
A Neighbor
A Best Friend
A Coworker

What do we miss about these firsts…and Lasts..
a laugh.. which hasn't been heard...
a cry... Which hasn't been seen...
a hug.... Which hasn't been felt...
a smile.. Which hasn't lit up a room...

Time: How long has it been…7,305 days. 20 LONG YEARS.
1043 LONG WEEKS and 4 DAYS!
10,519,200 MINUTES
631,152,000 SECONDS



Time is also when your world
The Entire World stood Still:
8:46
9:03
9:37
9:58
10:28

For my uniformed services folks:
343 - NYFD
23 – NYPD
37 - PAPD
And as metioned: 2,977 people who perished.

Time...
Time to smile..
time to laugh..
time to cry...
time to remember..
time to pause and reflect...

So on this day, which is etched in our memory as it has been for 20 yrs:
We Remember
A Mother..
A Father..
A Step Mother..
A Step Father..
A Sister..
A Brother..
An Aunt..
An Uncle
A Godmother..
A Godfather..
A Wife..
A Husband..
A Child..
A Friend..
We Never Forget...
Their laugh..
Their cry..
Their hug..
Their smile..
But most..and FAR MOST  IMPORTANTLY September 11,2001 – September 11,2021 WE NEVER. EVER WILL FORGET THIS DAY!

It will be one year since your mom died. It will be one year since you and I met. It will be one year ago since you first told me you loved me in person. Though that year you and I had many fights, and it was 6 months and 10 days when you left me.

So.... She contacted me last night. Telling me if I could stay on the phone with her since she was scared to sleep. Mind you my morning routine would be altered Im like hey, what the hell, let me be nice. So from 10:00pm to about 7:00 she was on the phone with me. I fell asleep but I was on the phone with her.

During the call, she was going on and on about me. Had 3 nightmares in between. Telling me she clutches her moms ashes and rocks back and forth. She blamed me, her present husband, her 2 ex boyfriends all for everything about them having female friends and texting females...

She was telling me some guy got mad at her because she was texting all her male friends (sounds familiar) so she tells me at 7:30 she dont want anything to do with me. So I'm like ok..

I go about my day, studying for my LSAT, looking for a new house she sends me a message "Please stay on the phone with me tonight, we arent getting back together.. So Im blasting Taylor in my head as I study. She then tells me.. or sends me a pic of her at work.. with her work husband.

What is she trying to do to me. She also wanted me to take her to do food shopping. Granted when I was with her I felt like her husband. But this.. I dont know. 1 year later. Im back in the same position, but this case, fire is to my feet and I need. Not want.. NEED to get into law school.....

Hey all. So this is the new update as of 2/19/21..
She called me yesterday. I was dealing with my friend who came to visit me who I was trying to help with some immigration law questions. (hence my name. Im a paralegal. Paralegals do briefs.. but Im in boxers.. stupid and corny Im sorry)...
I digress..

She calls me. says shes on sleeping pills and took many. (This was about 9:30 because I needed a shower and told her Id call her back after my shower). I sent her a message on facebook. Im stupid I unblocked her - but as I posted in a previous post. It was our wedding day.Im grieving still. Im stupid I dont learn but I got enough on my plate - I need to get into law school. Again.. I digress.. Im sorry..

So she still harps on my friends who called me because they werent doing well. One was with the Stage 4 Cancer (I told her she died - but she is alive and well thank God)

So the whole time (2 hours) shes saying how I texted people in front of her (these are the people who I mentioned prior) So I was like.. fine. I did this in front of you and behind your back. I texted my friends who needed me (to see if she would stop - She kept on going) She also got mad at me (mind you Im not with her) she got mad because my # was on facebook when I didnt know. I had to go back and fix it. Shes also "why is she calling you about personal things ?

Im like its a family, we help each other out. Shes like why personal stuff. Then shes like "oh you should of turned your phone off. If your mother needed you, she could of called my phone" What is that? Is that controlling? She wanted to see everyone on my phone. I said "no" She has like 5 friends. With me. and my job. I have police dept people, lawyers, elected officials, and people I worked with and came across with in my life. Why would I have to show her everyone and everything in my phone.

I finally told her I needed to puke (almost never made it to the bathroom since my head was spinning with her going on for 2 hours, and my blood sugar / blood pressure)

I dont know anymore...The death of her mom is coming up next month. And my feelings for her after she yelled at me are like a shattered glass which is beyond repair.
I dont feel love for her but she said something today which killed me..

We use to spend time in the hotel room since her house was a disaster and 4 fur babies took over. She was like 'She loved our happy place - which was the hotel... What killed me more. What pissed me off was when we had like mini picnics and forms of candle lit dinners. She made me plates of sandwiches with potato chips. And a soda...

And that Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani song..

"I been thinkin' about what I want in my life
It begins and ends the same
If I had to choose what I couldn't lose
There'd only be one thing"..

Help me.. :(

I met her one year ago, give or take (This is the person I wrote about Ad nauseam) I am suppose to marry her in a week. February 13. I still had it in my calendar. I have the rings still. The wedding vows I wrote. How can you get out of the mindset

I think I'm the only guy in my circle who thinks like this probably. I dont know Maybe its just me...

This is a piece of what I wrote:
I cant believe you are in front of me.
At this time, at this place. In this time
You lost your Mother, I lost many friends
Covid took many lives. But it more affected us

I did not know your mom well. But as you were in the hospital with her
I said a silent prayer. Promising your mom I would look out for you and after you.

You are standing in front of me.
In your wedding gown. Your friends are with you.
Sadly none of my friends or family wanted to come.

"Picnic Bear" "Cuddles" "Groom Bear" and  "Lucky" were my best "bears" since no one wanted to.
Its a good day today. Today I feel complete. Someone who really loves me, I am marrying today
My future is here, before me. My love of my life is before me. I could not ask for anything more in my life.....

More will me added by next Saturday....I dont even care about the superbowl. If you seen "Sleepless in Seattle" The whole life thread is there. From the beginning of the "leftovers' (Thanksgiving) for Christmas the "Phone Call" with "Dr. Marsha". Tom Hanks and his son playing "football" Would be the "Superbowl" ish.. And then.. Valentines Day. On top of the Empire State Building....

You are not here. You are a dream which is struggling to keep its form, struggling not to fade or go away..Its saying "please dont go" please dont leave me.. Please.....

you rejected me 4x. Now because you are lonely you want to be with me

So its New Years Eve. You are not here. You claim you are working and he wants to be with his kids and you are hurting. Well. It's New Years. And you are not here. No champagne toast. Because you are not here. No kiss at midnight. Because you are not here. No cuddling and watching the ball drop since Im home and cant get into the city,because you are not here. No "I love You" because you are not here.

I am on the couch again, asleep. Because you are not here.