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legalboxers's blog: "Life"

created on 03/03/2013  |  http://fubar.com/life/b353089  |  2 followers
So here is the last update on my saga with this. I may try and hang out here to read posts but as for this. As far as I can see. Its over..

So yesterday was her 47th birthday. She said she has plans with "someone else" but also said she did not want to be alone. As part of her mania she wanted me on the phone with her. So I wished her (or shall I say "sang" off key in my dead of sleep) a "happy birthday. I got out of my house and went to party city, got her a # 4 and 7 Birthday balloon. I proceeded to go to the dollar store and bought 9 balloons which said "Happy Birthday".. with a card, some flowers etc. and a box of chocolate since I bought her a ton of stuff the week prior..

So she has her door open, does not see what Im doing, I put up happy birthday balloons on her railings and she finally notices seeing what I was doing "A befuddled look as she always has". So I brought in the "4" and "7" plus the other balloons and her gift to her room, since she literally lives out her room.

As usual the furbabies were happy to see me "meowing" hey to me. So Im in her room and she reads the birthday card and sees the bag of gifts.. Again, befuddled. I told her I bought the balloons for outside and everything since when her mother and grandmother was alive they would make a big deal out of it.

Shes like "oh ok." Not a "Thank You".. but an "oh ok".. She then proceeded to yell at me for my gesture saying "Why cant you people act right" She then proceeded telling me about her ex who came to "get his fuzzy slippers, pajamas and bathrobe" and accused me of "Speaking or talking to him". Mind you I dont know who this person is or who he is. How I went on her Facebook to seek him out since I wanted to be with her on her birthday". Mind you within the whole 2 week span she talks to this person I am dealing with fixing my car (which I got done this morning).

As she is yelling at me she throws her soda and small wooden table. And proceeded to shove me and hit me with the balloons and stuffed animal I got. Mind you shes aware of my right leg issues. So as she swings at me I have my hands up to block any more strikes she looses her balance but still stands on her bed and gives me the "deer in headlights look" like "oh wow he is still standing after I struck him and attempted to defend himself".

At that stage I left and walked out. I dont know if she blocked me or whatever else. When she 1st choked me and assaulted me with the charger cable, I told my police dept since Im still with them but a different dept. to cover my bases. This I just walked away from.

So I hopefully wont hear from them again (Im out $1700 which I loaned to her, in addition to $300 for the remainder of the cremation expenses for her mom).

Saga is over. One year to the day that this relationship began..... it ended...

It will be one year since your mom died. It will be one year since you and I met. It will be one year ago since you first told me you loved me in person. Though that year you and I had many fights, and it was 6 months and 10 days when you left me.

So.... She contacted me last night. Telling me if I could stay on the phone with her since she was scared to sleep. Mind you my morning routine would be altered Im like hey, what the hell, let me be nice. So from 10:00pm to about 7:00 she was on the phone with me. I fell asleep but I was on the phone with her.

During the call, she was going on and on about me. Had 3 nightmares in between. Telling me she clutches her moms ashes and rocks back and forth. She blamed me, her present husband, her 2 ex boyfriends all for everything about them having female friends and texting females...

She was telling me some guy got mad at her because she was texting all her male friends (sounds familiar) so she tells me at 7:30 she dont want anything to do with me. So I'm like ok..

I go about my day, studying for my LSAT, looking for a new house she sends me a message "Please stay on the phone with me tonight, we arent getting back together.. So Im blasting Taylor in my head as I study. She then tells me.. or sends me a pic of her at work.. with her work husband.

What is she trying to do to me. She also wanted me to take her to do food shopping. Granted when I was with her I felt like her husband. But this.. I dont know. 1 year later. Im back in the same position, but this case, fire is to my feet and I need. Not want.. NEED to get into law school.....

Hey all. So this is the new update as of 2/19/21..
She called me yesterday. I was dealing with my friend who came to visit me who I was trying to help with some immigration law questions. (hence my name. Im a paralegal. Paralegals do briefs.. but Im in boxers.. stupid and corny Im sorry)...
I digress..

She calls me. says shes on sleeping pills and took many. (This was about 9:30 because I needed a shower and told her Id call her back after my shower). I sent her a message on facebook. Im stupid I unblocked her - but as I posted in a previous post. It was our wedding day.Im grieving still. Im stupid I dont learn but I got enough on my plate - I need to get into law school. Again.. I digress.. Im sorry..

So she still harps on my friends who called me because they werent doing well. One was with the Stage 4 Cancer (I told her she died - but she is alive and well thank God)

So the whole time (2 hours) shes saying how I texted people in front of her (these are the people who I mentioned prior) So I was like.. fine. I did this in front of you and behind your back. I texted my friends who needed me (to see if she would stop - She kept on going) She also got mad at me (mind you Im not with her) she got mad because my # was on facebook when I didnt know. I had to go back and fix it. Shes also "why is she calling you about personal things ?

Im like its a family, we help each other out. Shes like why personal stuff. Then shes like "oh you should of turned your phone off. If your mother needed you, she could of called my phone" What is that? Is that controlling? She wanted to see everyone on my phone. I said "no" She has like 5 friends. With me. and my job. I have police dept people, lawyers, elected officials, and people I worked with and came across with in my life. Why would I have to show her everyone and everything in my phone.

I finally told her I needed to puke (almost never made it to the bathroom since my head was spinning with her going on for 2 hours, and my blood sugar / blood pressure) Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)

I dont know anymore...The death of her mom is coming up next month. And my feelings for her after she yelled at me are like a shattered glass which is beyond repair.
I dont feel love for her but she said something today which killed me..

We use to spend time in the hotel room since her house was a disaster and 4 fur babies took over. She was like 'She loved our happy place - which was the hotel... What killed me more. What pissed me off was when we had like mini picnics and forms of candle lit dinners. She made me plates of sandwiches with potato chips. And a soda...

And that Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani song..

"I been thinkin' about what I want in my life
It begins and ends the same
If I had to choose what I couldn't lose
There'd only be one thing"..

 

Help me.. :(

I met her one year ago, give or take (This is the person I wrote about Ad nauseam) I am suppose to marry her in a week. February 13. I still had it in my calendar. I have the rings still. The wedding vows I wrote. How can you get out of the mindset Paragraph header  (click to insert in post)

I think I'm the only guy in my circle who thinks like this probably. I dont know Maybe its just me...

This is a piece of what I wrote:
I cant believe you are in front of me.
At this time, at this place. In this time
You lost your Mother, I lost many friends
Covid took many lives. But it more affected us

I did not know your mom well. But as you were in the hospital with her
I said a silent prayer. Promising your mom I would look out for you and after you.

You are standing in front of me.
In your wedding gown. Your friends are with you.
Sadly none of my friends or family wanted to come.

"Picnic Bear" "Cuddles" "Groom Bear" and  "Lucky" were my best "bears" since no one wanted to.
Its a good day today. Today I feel complete. Someone who really loves me, I am marrying today
My future is here, before me. My love of my life is before me. I could not ask for anything more in my life.....

More will me added by next Saturday....I dont even care about the superbowl. If you seen "Sleepless in Seattle" The whole life thread is there. From the beginning of the "leftovers' (Thanksgiving) for Christmas the "Phone Call" with "Dr. Marsha". Tom Hanks and his son playing "football" Would be the "Superbowl" ish.. And then.. Valentines Day. On top of the Empire State Building....

You are not here. You are a dream which is struggling to keep its form, struggling not to fade or go away..Its saying "please dont go" please dont leave me.. Please.....

So its New Years Eve. You are not here. You claim you are working and he wants to be with his kids and you are hurting. Well. It's New Years. And you are not here. No champagne toast. Because you are not here. No kiss at midnight. Because you are not here. No cuddling and watching the ball drop since Im home and cant get into the city,because you are not here. No "I love You" because you are not here.

I am on the couch again, asleep. Because you are not here.

( An open letter to her)


*song playing in the background: Margo Rey - This Holiday Night*

Our friends show up. Despite this pandemic.

The table is set, the place settings are there. The food is in the oven. You look amazing in your dress. Your eyes really stand out in what you are wearing, regardless you saying you "hate dressing up" and look "bougie" , whatever the hell that means..

The tree has many presents under it.

We are at the table eating our meal with our friends..

I propose a toast. To your friends.. My friends. And especially you, to the person who got me through this hell. Who was there by my side, my soulmate my love, my person. The person who was by me through thick and thin, The most amazing woman who I am lucky enough to call my fiancee... My better half. My love. My mirror... Someone who I know who I would spend the end of time with, someone I know who would be with me through thick and thin...

But then I wake up...

I try and see through the fog.. the haze....

I scream out you name. I shout.. I cry... You are not there anymore. You were nothing but a dream to me. A dream which I will try and hold on to. In my darkest times. To Try and take pieces of the good times, to shine the light when the days and nights are cold, to keep me warm at night. To know you were there when this whole world was falling apart. And to know your no longer there and I had to fight it by myself.

Merry Christmas.. Wherever you are...I love you.....

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