Fxckin Pop Rocks's blog: "Redneck"

. . . you proposed in a Denny’s. . . . the passengers enter your vehicle through the driver’s-side door. . . . you had to hitchhike on your honeymoon. . . . you think “Chablis” is the name of last month’s Playboy centerfold. . . . you save cooking grease in a coffee can. . . . you inherited a Styrofoam cooler. . . . there’s no cutoff age for sleeping with your parents. . . . your doghouse and your living room both have the same shag carpet. . . . you think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph. . . . you’ve ever had to move a car seat to make love. . . . you’re familiar with Copenhagen but have never heard of Denmark. . . . your favorite restaurant has a gas pump in front of it. . . . you think a stock tip is advice on wormin’ your hogs. . . . you don’t have a home phone. . . . you think “Ross Perot” is how your cousin Ross got out of jail early. . . . you think “trash TV” is something in your backyard. . . . stealing road signs is a family outing. . . . you think a woman who is “out of your league” bowls on a different night. . . . you’ve ever changed the numbers on your house so the police can’t find you. . . . you have an above ground pool and you fish in it. . . . your bathroom deodorizer is a box of kitchen matches. . . . an expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall. . . . you thing “megabytes” means a good day fishing. . . . you’ve ever picked up a woman in a convenience store. . . . your deer stand has an address. . . . you have more things with Hank Williams Jr.’s name on them than your own. . . . you think a lavatory is a breed of dog. . . . you’ve ever taken a date flowers you’ve stole from a cemetery. . . . you’ve ever relieved yourself from a moving vehicle. . . . you use old auto parts as a boat anchor. . . . your pickup truck and wife are the same age. . . . your favorite cologne is Deep Woods Off. . . . you’ve ever given livestock as a wedding present. . . . you think safe sex means putting on the emergency brake. . . . people hear your car a long time before they see it. . . . your 23-channel CB radio is used to communicate with your family. . . . your bridal veil was made of window screen. . . . you call your boss “dude.”