Fxckin Pop Rocks's blog: "Redneck"

. . . you think a chain saw is a musical instrument. . . . everything you won at the fair is hanging from your rearview mirror. . . . you’ve ever accepted an invitation written on a bathroom wall. . . . making beer is a neighborhood project. . . . you clean your fingernails with a stick. . . . you’ve ever gotten in fist fight in a laundromat over a dryer. . . . there is a restraining order on your pets. . . . you secretly get your firewood from your neighbor’s yard. . . . you wipe your feet before you walk out of your house. . . . your 5-year-old can rebuild a carburetor. . . . your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat. . . . you take a nap with at least one hand tucked inside your pants. . . . your best jacket has an advertisement on the back of it. . . . your car insurance deductible is higher than the value of your car. . . . in preparation for your upcoming wedding, your register your Tupperware pattern. . . . you are famous for your impression of a dog choking on a chicken bone. . . . you consider tattooing a do-it-yourself job. . . . one of your fantasies involves a bulldozer. . . . your wife’s best shoes have steel toes. . . . your picture is on the wall of more than three bait stores. . . . your favorite NASCAR souvenir is the result of a wreck. . . . you buy a police scanner to keep up with your relatives. . . . you’ve ever used a laundromat as a mailing address. . . . you’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws. . . . your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels. . . . you’ve ever gotten carbon monoxide poisoning while driving your vehicle. . . . your screen door has no screen. . . . there are more dishes in your sink than in your cabinets. . . . the receptionist is responsible for checking the rat traps at your place of business. . . . your family reunion is sponsored by a beer company. . . . your church has a “happy hour.” . . . you’ve ever shot someone over a mall parking space. . . . there is trophy in your house with the word “spitting” on it. . . . you open beer bottles with your belt buckle. . . . you’ve ever filled your deer tag on a golf course. . . . you tell Grandpa he has something in his teeth and he takes them out to see. . . . you use the “O” on the stop sign in front of your house to sight in your new rifle. . . . you punish your children by taking away their chewing tobacco. . . . you think every bottle of wine comes with a screw cap. . . . you wear your softball uniform even on the days you’re not playing. . . . your pickup truck used to be a car. . . . your favorite fishing lure is TNT. . . . your dates regularly expect you to light their cigars. . . . you stockpile pork and beans. . . . your daddy handed out cigarettes the day you were born. . . . you use baling wire to keep your car door closed. . . . your mom is lighting bottle rockets with her cigarette while walking the children on Halloween. . . . you’ve ever lost your wife in a poker game. . . . your house feels a bit lonely when winter comes and the last fly dies. . . . you send your kid in for treatment because you think he’s hooked on phonics. . . . the air freshener hanging in your car lost its scent more than 5 years ago. . . . there are more than 5 animals sleeping in your bed. . . . your best pick-up line for women is written on your baseball cap. . . . you had a receding hairline in the 6th grade. . . . you think “social consciousness” means how well you can hold your liquor. . . . you spit on your own floor. . . . your bring a bar of soap to a public pool. . . . you keep a pellet gun by the front door. . . . you’ve ever participated in a burp-off.