Someone's blog: "My big mouth"

You have the bladder capacity of five people; You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience; You believe that 25% of people are a waste of protoplasm; Your idea of a good time is a robbery at shift change; You run a NCIC on anyone that is friendly toward you; You think it is perfectly normal to discuss dismemberment over a gourmet meal; You can identify a negative "tattoo to tooth" ratio just by looking at a person; You find humor in other people's stupidity; You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac; You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see; You have your weekends off planned for a year in advance; You believe that a "shallow gene pool" should be grounds for an arrest; You believe that the Government should require a permit to reproduce; You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says "Boy, it sure is quiet around here"; You refer to your nightstick as your "Dork Slayer"; You believe that chocolate is a food group; You take it as a compliment when someone calls you a prick; You have wanted to hold a seminar on "Suicide, getting it right the first time;, You believe that "too stupid to live" should be a valid jury verdict; You have had to put a complainant on hold, while you laugh uncontrollably; You have wanted a terrorist to deliver a Ryder truck to a particular bar; You believe the dispatcher is possessed; You think caffeine should be available in I.V. form; You're not referring to food when you mention vegetables; You believe that the holding cell should come with a Valium salt lick; You have heard: "I have no idea how that got there," on more than a few occasions; You suddenly realize one night that you are patrolling the Twilight Zone; You correlate "two beers" with 0.15 BAC; You have learned a lot about paranoia, simply by following random cars around in your patrol car; You believe that it is a "good" death only if it involves overtime;