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What are you waiting for?
What do I do when I can't have you? I surround myself with pictures of you. I hold my breath waiting to hear that I have a text message from you on my phone or even better, I hear the Sons of Anarchy theme playing and know that I will get a chance to hear your voice. I know that calls and texts are going to to become more spaced apart. I know it's hard to call someone on the phone who can't make it through a conversation without crying and making you feel guilty. How long before that alone pushes you away? How long before I am just waiting in vain and you decide that you are better off without a friend like me in your life? Or how long before your "dirty little secret" is found out and you are FORBIDDEN from having any kind of contact with me? How long can I live with the illusion that you are still a part of my life? How long can I hold onto this hope? I don't know the answer to that but I do know that this hope I feel is the only thing keeping me going from one day to the next. I just need to make it to the 6th when hopefully my doctor will prescribe me something to numb my feelings. I need an escape and a medically prescribed one is my only option.
