2:26pm
I had a brief conversation with my friend Felix after we hung out. He noticed I immediately went back to texting. I told him I didn't want to be rude, but it was my bff. I explained to him the bond we shared and how I have to text back only b/c lately with him being away and all, it's a rare treat in itself to have him text back :)
I mean dude, if you were to know.. you'd probably be sad. Mind you, I really don't cry in front of guys, so I had a knot in my throat as I was telling him about the bond. I then had a couple of tears go down my cheek and he wiped it away from my left cheek. I thought it was sweet.
Then I changed the subject on him so that I wouldn't be all emotional. I got a laugh out of the conversation that ensued. We talked about how we've known each other for like 5 yrs right? So he admitted to having the biggest and most huge crush on me since forever. We've been talking on and off, but lately we've kept in touch every so often.
So last night, I put him on the spot and I asked what he thought. He said the only "regret" he had back in the day was not kissing me. I laughed. I mean not that laugh, like haha - mocking kind of laugh, but more like the omg i had no idea. He said that was the only thing on his mind, even after we'd lost contact. He told me how he blamed himself for not reading the signs. Hello... I never really liked him and he knew that but he still tried to steal a kiss from me, and mind you, I still have a low self esteem, but not as bad as then. So anyway, my self esteem issues came into play then. I remembered the times he tried to kiss me and I would always turn away and change the subject on him, thus leading him to think I was being coy, when in reality, I wasn't. I had to tell him it's not going to work, we're just too good friends and it wouldn't work.
So fast forward to last summer, when we actually hung out. He kissed me, but it was under the most oddest of circumstances. I was smashed! and yeah he sort of went in for the kill. I pulled him away and I told him to stop. I knew it wouldn't work. I was still in control of myself and I asked him to take me home. That was that. So last night when I finally asked him, he told me he'd been wanting to do that for 4 yrs. We stopped talking about 2yrs.
He said he would still do it again. I told him I wouldn't if I were him. I then openly told him again that it wouldn't work out and why it wouldn't work out. But I still thought the whole situation was funny and how utterly ridiculous it was.... oh well ...
It takes a lot for me to like a guy, and I try not to fall. The last time I fell, I let a good thing pass me by. It sucks and I'll be the 1st to admit it. I let him go, and now I don't have him in my life. I was stupid and I pushed him away. Maybe that's why I've been stuck in my loneliness because a guy hasn't sparked my interest. Well I do know of another guy who did, but we haven't talked for a couple of weeks now, so I guess it's another sign for me to move on.
I don't look for guys! They usually find me. Usually, though, it's at all the wrong moments. Grr @ guys!
Ok back to work! *grins* 2:40pm
