uglypoet Random Thoughts Blog of a Avera...'s blog: "Random Thoughts..."

Have you ever noticed that we sometimes wish we were children again. We say how wonderful it is not to have to worry about the things us adults worry about. Jobs, Bills, Relationships, and so on. We see that being in love and sharing your life with another is hard, so we ponder those moments when we were children. As we grow it seems we forget, alot. We forget what its like to be a child. We forget what its like to be carefree. We also forget alot of other things. First and formost we forget how to imagine and dream. This is actually something we should always maintain. Kids see more then we do, because they are free and learning. We as adults tend to let all around us temper us into thinking dreams do not come true. however we fail to see the most imporatnt thing a child can do. that is love without reason. We all should relearn how to do such a thing. How to give love unconditionally and without a desire to receive it back. However even those children need love, they need it in words, and actions as in hugs and kisses. We as adults understand that and give it to them freely however we tend to forget that inside we are all still children, and we need to show that love to others at times. We need to remember to be child like in all we do, in play, in love, and in imagination.

We all face time each day. We wait for the work clock to strike the stop time. We wait for the alarm clock to ring to send us on to our days chores... We face time day to day and we seem to never relise its there. We face it moment to moment second to second, and we notice not how late it is. However when time is a seperation from someone you care about, those seconds feel like hours, those hours like months. Sometimes we look around us, and find someone we care deeply for, and we strive to make sence of it all. We see a time and distance seperating our meeting, blocking our embrass. And we fail to relise there are those in the world, who are seperated by war. Their loved ones in danger daily, and we stress about our lost love who is just a time a way from being with us. We let our minds wander, we let our hearts sink, we let the sadness of seperation drag us down, so we seek something more direct and easily reached. I guess in some instances there are those stronger then others. But if you ask them why they are strong? Why they can wait? they answer its love, i never let my love die. I keep it on top of all that worries me, i keep it closest to me when all seems wrong in the world. I keep it above every thought of life not working out right. I know i have done the impossible before, i have left a job i loved, all i owned, and even my family for love. I took only the time i needed to make it happen, and it was worth it. Even tho it ended badly for me, i would repeat it all over again even knowing the outcome. For me i have learned to follow my instinct and heart above all my mind may say. For our minds always look at the worst and never contemplate the happiness when we are confused or sad. For me no matter how long or hard it would be, i would wait and see, so one day i would never have to ponder these questions... Did i miss out on the one? What if i had met her? Was not waiting a few months worth the settling for what was closest? Would we have lasted forever? Would there have been a feeling of the earth moving when we met and kissed the first time? For me all these questions i never want to experiance. For till the day i died i would always wonder. So to this day i ask myself these questions to remind me its always worth the chance. What was it about them i fell for? Why were they so easy to talk to? How and why did i trust them with so much? Why did i chose this other person? Was this other person as easy for me to talk to? Would i trust them with the same things i did the other? Did my heart feel as strongly for them and as quickly? Finally if i fail to meet the person i know What If would come to mind forever... I have done this once in my life when i was in the army. And i learned then that What If is the worst thing to live with. What if What if What if.... So i learned and did take a chance once before. Others ask me how i could do all i did, and then they say see what it got you.. And all i can say is this, it was worth the moments of love i had with that person. The days we shared, the laughter we created. Those memories will always be there, and i can answer honestly it was worth it. They ask me if i would do it again, and i always say YES id travel the world if i felt she was the right one, to be with her. But only if i can answer those questions above and feel 100% secure that its worth the effort. For me finding true love is worth the effort. And you can never find it without taking a chance, and you can never know if shes the one, unless you take the time, and find out face to face. Sometimes we need to listen deeper inside then we are comfortable with to find the answers we seek. To find happiness we have to trust in the unseen and unanswered. We have to trust that taking a chance may lead to eternal joy. And if it does not, we have not lost anything, we have only gained more insiight to who we are, and hopefully gained a friend we can call on even on our death bed to be there with us. However you also have to relise, that when you feel your world is collapsing around you. And that nothing but bad things can happen to you, that sometimes its those chances that lead us to the happiness we have always needed. We have to remember to not let the bad times we once had deter us from the possiblity of the good that is now in front of us, that may be our reward for taking as much pain as we have in our lifes so we may go thru our last days happy.

i like to dream of possibilitys, cause its the fantasy we all strive to obtain, it is the one thing in life that drives us, if we did not have fantasys we would not endevor to better ourselfs... once the fantasy is obtained you must create and dream a new one, for that is the variety of life that keeps us living.

Have you ever wondered why things happen as they do? Have you ever wondered why you make the choices you do? I know the answer is yes and i know i to have done such things. We sometime ponder of things we can not change, not because we want to change them, but we want to understand them. This is a hard thing for anyone to do, and a even harder task to forget. Have you ever wondered what would make you happiest? Have you ever wondered is destiny what has brought us together? I know the answer is yes, as it is for me. This is not unnatural. However some forget that while there may be destiny, there is still choice to seperate that destiny from a dream. We chose what we do with what is put before us. We chose the paths we walk, we chose the friends we make, and most importantly we chose those we love. To me wondering about the past is not something i dwell on, however i do dream about the future. I dream of my own happiness, and what the simplist version of that happiness is for me. For me it is something i keep dear to my heart, only to share with those closest to me. But i do not deny destiny, the destiny of two paths crossing, and of me chosing which path to follow next. Sometimes on those paths are people i meet, sometimes they are walking next to me. It is who i chose to walk with and talk with that makes my paths choice the right one or the wrong one. I chose who to share with, i chose who to love. That is what takes the wonder out of all the things i dream of. This is why i wonder. Why i wonder what to do next, how to speak, and where my next journey might lead me. This is when i wonder who is my truest love, and where is she now. I may only see her in my dreams, and i may not see the path that leads to her, but daily i try my best to make the choices that lead me into her heart forever. So one day she may be made known to me and i to her, so we can live out eternity in one another embrass. Have you ever wondered why we desire love above all else? Have you ever wondered why trust is the hardest of all things to give? I know i have, and my conclusion is this. Beyond the animal instincts we have to fight and live, we have one thing greatter then the animal within. It is the ability to love more then one, and to trust a unknown person. Our desires are greater then any animal instinct and beyond our minds we are greater then those instincts to live. They lead us to love, and devotion. however we must chose to follow those paths, and to walk next to those people who share it with us. Have you ever wondered? That may be the truest question of all, but the grandest is this. Have you ever Loved with all your heart, mind and soul? I once did, and i will again one day. And i hope she feels it and sees it for what it is, Love pure and true.

We all have been told, that we do not use 100% of our brains, we never even scratch the surface of what it is capable of. Well I must say in my life i have heard and seen many things, that prove to me how powerful the mind is. It makes me relise and admire the power it has, and the people who seem to harness it past the average person. I have read stories of soldiers, in great pain, dieing, and so forth, but given a fake pill to deaden the pain, and it worked. The mind turning off all around them with the belief the pill was a pain killer. But beyond physical pain i have met people and talked with them that show me that even the hardest of things can be overcome with the power of the mind. I admire people who have mental pain, caused by trama of some sort. The kinds of mental anguish most of us would never want to endure or experiance ever. While some people offer sympathy, or try to understand, i personally chose to admire. Yes i am like others i want to understand, but that is because to understand is to know, and to know is to see, and to see it to be able to prevent. However irst and formost i have to admire those who use their mind in ways others fail. I have meet people who have learned to turn the mental pain off, or learned how to block it. which some say is not a good thing, but i see it as the use of the mind past its normal average use. If they can use their mind, to heal themselfs, if they can use their mind, to protect themselfs then they are harnessing more of their minds power then i know how to harness. I admire them for their abilitys. Their abilitys to deal with their pains, and to be able to seperate pain, from their current existance. To me this is a wonder i myself can not fathom or understand. To me it shows a strength unknown to many, it shows a strength many can not grasp. And those few i have met and talked to who can use mental strength to harness their own type of healing is admiring and awe inspiring to me. However i have also noticed these same individuals, use this mental strength to much at times, and the live by it and thru it which can make things rougher on them mentally. I wish i knew how to assist them, in dividing the strength so its balanced, but i have no idea how to help. They tend to think by their strength they are in control, and when they let those walls down that they are some how out of control. I wish i could help them to understand, that by allowing those walls to fall for specific individuals, they are not weak, but stronger for it. By allowing another to hear and understand, by allowing another in to share even just the verbal expressions of such horrors and bad times. For me sharing things heart felt, either in love, or in despair have been my hardest things, and even i feel open and vulnerable when i express them to special individuals. However i also know that by letting them in to hear, and share my experiances that i am stronger for it. For sharing with another, is probably the greatest strength we have, yet its also the greatest weakness. This sounds strange but it is, we as humans protect ourselfs, for we control ourselfs while the world changes around us. We have one small control over the world, and that is who we are, and how we act. So when we let down, and share this with another it feels like we are weak. When infact we are not. It is similar to the expression, that the stronger man will not fight, while the weaker man rely's on the fight to feel in control, when it is the one who can control their emotions and avoid the confrontation who is much stronger. Just like that we must learn to harness our mental strengths to protect us, but at the same time we must relise that we also need to share with another our past and current pains. By sharing we are not asking for help, we are not asking for a shoulder, but we are saying, i believe in you as a person, and i trust you as a friend. This then makes us stronger for trusting, for trust is the hardest of all things to give someone. We have to remember tho, that trust is first given, and those receiving must maintain that trust, it is not free, but it should be given freely when you feel a kindship to someone. If they fail to uphold that trust then we have the right to remove it, and never give it back, or make the road back as long and hard as possible. The human mind, is probably the one thing we can but can not control. we control it but it also controls us. We should always remember to allow ourselfs the room for it to grow, room for it to share, and room for it to defend us when needed. When all else fails, and noone is there, rely on your mind, but maintain in your mind the ability to let go at some point. This was inspired by someone i find close in my heart, she knows who she is, and i would like to thank her for letting me into her world, and trusting me with things she tells me. She is one of the strongest people i have ever known and i hope to one day have the same strength she has. For she amazes me with her mental fortitude, a fortitude many soldiers wish they had after seeing war firsthand. My hat off to hear, and my friendship, admiration, and love for her as she is always...

everyone in their life seeks at some point to have a fresh start or a new begining. However you have to fist deside what makes for a new begining for you. It could be anything really. Changing jobs, moving into a new home, moving to a new town, the birth of a new baby, or maybe even moving out of the state or country you live in. We have to see why we want the change first, and what it will accomplish for us. The most important thing a new start can give us is less stress. So we have to ponder on the why before we can find the true nature and reason for this new beginning. For me it is really hard to comprehend even for me what a new start of a fresh beginning might actually be. However i would say for me it always comes down to where my heart lies. If my heart is happy, then all of the above can make me feel new and refreshed. Once when talking about this with another, they asked me what about my family. If i move far away from them wont i miss them, wont i feel alone. And i really had no good answer for her. Other then i will be happy where my love is. It has taken me some time. But for me the real answer for that one question, is this. My family will always be my family, they will always be there if i need them. So the distance i may travel never enters into my mind. It might be harder to drive to but they are still there if i want to go. For me a new begging is simple. For me its finding that love i want so much. Its finding my place in the world, and in the life of another. For me Fresh starts start in the heart, and all else falls into place as time goes on. So when we seek a new begining or a fresh start, just take the time and find the happiness you seek first, then you will find the answer you desire.

This is a question i have recently been asked, well more directly how do i see this person as such a great person. I honestly can not say. But i can say that in my heart, and through my own compassion. I see others as i chose to see them. I guess it comes from my past how i act in the present. I was one of those made fun of kids, the one who was poor and teased all his life. I learned how to deal with that on my own. But today i chose not to be like those who once ridiculed me, no i chose to be better then that. I try to take my pain, and learn from it, and what i have learned is this. What i desire is what everyone desires. Admiration, understanding, compassion, and kindness. So by my choice i chose to do this for others. I try to compliment them when i see something i like about them, i try to lift their spirits as best i can. And while some may think i am acting, i am far from this. When my heart reaches out to touch another, it does it with all it has to offer. And yes sometimes i may seem a bit much, and i may say things to often. For this is my short cumming. For in my eyes i see past a individuals past, and i see where they have ended up. For we can not change our past, but if we learn from it we then grow as individuals. And when i notice a true individual, someone who captures my eye. I try my hardest to pay attention, i try my hardest to understand, and most importantly i always care. Even now as i write this, i can not fully explain why i act as i do, but i do know it is me, and it is how i chose to be. I chose to care, i chose to love, i chose to understand, and most importantly i chose to live for the future and not in our pasts.

Some of you may have noticed in my blogs i am working on a book. With a new MuMM i just did, i asked if beyond my poetry if i should include more things. The overall responce was add it all. So What i would like is some help from those who read my blogs. I would also like to ask you to pass this blog on and ask them to respond to it as well. What i need is some ideas for Subject matter, or just ideas of things to write about. I may not use your ideas directly but they may help me to spawn new ideas to write on. So please comment and give me some kind of idea of what to write about, or make some kinda statement that might breed a thought for me. Recently i wrote a blog based off a MuMM and it spawned a idea that i ran with. I love my poetry and i have at this time my greatest inspiration from one person ever. However writing outside poetry, about my random thoughts on things, well that is a diffrent story, it takes outside influences for me to write about that kind of subject. But if there is a subject you feel strong about, sterio types or whatever you can think of give me some of your insights and maybe i can breed a new writing off them. This is in no way intended for me to attack anyone, i just would like some material to work with. Thanks and for those who i feel have inspired me alot, i will contact you in private to thank you for your help.

I posted a MuMM today and said specifically in it that any hate posts or posts that did not pertain to the mumm would be deleted. So i procedded to delete the ones where they were personally attacking me. Now what i find funny is this. 1. These same people are the ones who complain constantly about NoN-MuMMs then come to a real mumm and attack the creator. 2. If you delete them they say your a prick or ass. When they fail to relise they were the prick and are just getting what they deserved. To me its funny but at the same time its very easy to relise who to block. My block list is growing now cause or people like this lol. I block them, then delete their comments. Even had some chick tell me i spelled a word wrong and call me a ignorant ass, and when i told her she didnt have to be a bitch about it, she failed to relise she was just that a bitch. LOL It is amazing how people act on the internet, and you wonder are they like that in real life? And if they are how the hell do they keep their jobs and lovers around... Sometimes it amazes me how they post idiotic things, and then say dont delete my post when they know full well, that you have the power to delete their post before they post it lol. Now who is ignorant lol.

Sometimes you end up in a situation where your mind just wont stop racing, it wont stop thinking, it wont stop contemplating. It keeps us up at nights and we just cant slow it down. We cant lock onto one thought long enough to concentrate. This can be bad cause of Insomnia, however there is one time it is the greatest thing in the world. It is the time your mind contemplated the future. The time your dreams overwhelm you during the day. This is the time when Continuious thoughts are the greatest. These thoughts i speak of are the ones of a lover, or the desire to be with someone who is far away. Soldiers get this feeling, and they know how it can protect them. For me there is a time my mind races each night, just as i fall asleep. And even tho i am in no danger, it does help me. It shows me dreams can come true, and it allows me to dream more. And that special someone is always on my mind. Boy what a great feeling.