Do you ever wonder about the people that never seem to care about others? Yeah I didn’t either until here recently, then today I started on some sort of tirade while talking to someone for this very thing. I promised a blog which addressed what I was talking about since I was getting more and more angry the more I talked about it earlier. So here are my thoughts on the subject, which I freely admit before you begin reading this is unorganized and rambling - I have decided to just write it as it flows not to worry about anything else. Rejoice people now you can see my wicked little thought process - lol.
I have noticed that the more I talk to people the more that I see the true lack of compassion that individuals have for one another.. They will trample and stomp upon anyone to get what they think that they deserve, what they feel they have earned so to speak. I am not saying that I do not do this because I do to an extent but not the way that I have observed here as of late. I will go after what I want and not let anyone stop me, of course I also do not go out of my way to make someone suffer. I do honestly think about the person I am hurting or whatever as I am making my way toward what I desire. That is the big difference I think, the people I have talked to recently just do not even care to stop and think about what they are doing or who they are hurting - unfortunately I seem to actually have a heart.
Most of these people are hurting the ones that they claim to love and cherish, I think that is a bunch of bullshit personally. Yeah, I am aware that we always hurt the ones we love, but it is usually done intentionally and without malice. The people I have spoken to lately don’t seem to honestly care for the people that they claim to care for or else they would not be talking to me about what they have done, they would be talking to the one that they hurt. Yes, I know that we always hurt the ones we love blah blah blah. Which yes I know but that only applies when you really do love the person and not only what you can get from that person. Yeah love is not about taking what you can get and then walking away, or about seeing how far you can push someone, or about trying to make them do this or that. These people need to realize that when you love someone you do so because of that person - not what they can or can not do for you or how far they are willing to push things for you . . . You love them for who they are and nothing more.
The people who learn the secrets of others then use that knowledge to their own advantage make me sick honestly. When someone trusts you with some piece of knowledge about them you should cherish that for what it is, a piece of that person. They have felt something for you and in turn shared a part of their life with you, usually a painful part even . . . And when you take that knowledge and capitalize upon it for your own personal gain it disgusts me. You love that person yet you take advantage of their weaknesses? Doesn’t sound like love to me does it to you? I know many things about many people and things that I could easily expose and torment with at that - but even though I don’t even necessarily care for the people I do have plain human compassion and chose to keep that trust. The fact is that if I use that information then I would feel horrible about myself - I don’t care to capitalize upon the pain of others. The people that do truly disturb me.
How can you take a painful event in someone’s life, a life altering event, which you know shaped that entire person’s life and then recreate those emotions in that person? That would be like someone learning all of my deepest secrets and then setting up scenarios in life that recreated those moments . . . I could never forgive anyone who would purposefully do that to me. I could never imagine even being able to face that person again. I’m sure there are people that could forgive something like that - but why would you want to? Why would you want to give that person the chance to do the same thing again? I know this boils down to my own trust issues in the end but the truth is there is no way that it can’t. Once you’ve given such a large part of you and had that trust shattered there is no getting that back - In my mind at least.
It boils down to in the end that you never know how your actions are going to truly affect another. That small reminder of something or other that you have done may be enough to push that person beyond their threshold. That may be the one thing that breaks them completely. Would you want to be the one responsible for that? I wouldn’t. So why do people do that? Why do they take information entrusted to them in full confidence and use it to their advantage? I guess I just will never understand that, I will never be that heartless I guess. I admit that I am unfeeling most times and can be quite calculating when I want to be, but I am not heartless. I do not enjoy hurting those I care for, I would rather take the pain myself. . . Come to think of it that is the way I see love in a way I guess. You don’t want to hurt people, you want to take away the pain, you suffer so that person doesn’t have to. When given the chance to either hurt someone and get what you want if you love them then you keep quiet and accept the pain yourself. What is so hard to understand about that? If you love them you do not intentionally hurt them, especially for some cheap physical pleasure. That to me is the ultimate disrespect to a woman who has been hurt in her life - you gain her trust - then when the moment is right for you to get what you want - you move in and make her relive all the pain of the past - and why? Because you can’t be so close to her, comforting her without having to fuck her . . . Very sad indeed isn’t it? I lose all respect for people really when I hear they have done such things.
Let me tell you something ok, I have been in what I consider to be true love once in my life - other forms of love more often - but true I would do anything for that person love once. I never wanted to hurt him, I wanted to do everything I could to take away his pain. I sat many many nights with his head on my lap running my fingers through his hair while he confessed his pains to me. I never once thought about hurting him, or taking advantage of him - I felt bad that he felt bad. Rather than make some cheap move toward physical satisfaction I sat and felt his pain with him - I never could have ever dreamed of hurting him more. Then as much as I loved him when he chose to leave rather than go with him and hold him back I let him go. I said my goodbye and wished him well and told him to let me know how everything turned out for him. Yes it killed me inside to let him go - to encourage him to go - but the fact was his dreams couldn’t be achieved here and he needed to go away to get there. No, his dream never came to fruition but he is happy doing what he is doing. He is no longer miserable and staying that way. I loved him enough to let him be who he wanted to be, do what he felt he had to do . . . I still love him and always will I am sure - but never will I ever hurt him.
Are you seeing the difference there? The striking difference between what you do when you really love someone as compared to what you do when you are merely infatuated with someone? Yeah infatuation is confusing and can feel like love - but in the end once you get what you want it is all over - love never ends. Think about it, it’ll make sense in time.
I wrote this as a way to let someone see the way that his actions can affect someone else and to open up his mind about when he is really do versus what he thinks he is doing. I’m hoping that he will now see that he has convinced himself that he is the one that is being hurt in the situation when in fact it is just his mind blocking out the other side of the story. He has convinced himself of something and can’t seem to be swayed, hopefully this will at least give him pause. Perhaps he won’t open his eyes completely but maybe he will open one and see the partial truth to what I say. To the rest of you who read this - sorry but there was a point hidden in there and sorry that you had to endure my rambling - maybe you got more insight into the mind of this wicked lil girl though.
