Seriously, you don't have to have money to be clean, you just have to stop being such a lazy pig. I went over to an old buddies house a while back. He had shit laying everywhere and his apartment smelled like mold and ass and dog and smoke and bad food. WTF?! It's easy and cheap to open the windows and air out your pad. Spraying that air freshner just makes it smell like someone shit a pine tree. Clothes and crap laying everywhere. No reason for it. You say your house is a wreck because you have 3 kids? That is total bullshit. Train the little fuckers to pick up there crap after they are done playing. Parents always blame the kids when the parents are too lazy to set a good example. Now as far as smoke, I can't even speak to that. If you smoke, you are already a lost cause. Your breath, skin, and clothes smell like ass. And add coffee to that mix and you smell like you tossed salad on an angry buffalo. You have personal hygene issues to solve before we can talk about that dirty shithole you call a home. And don't tell me it is your choice to smoke. There is nothing redeeming about something that kills you, kills the people around you, makes you smell like shit, and is expensive. I guess it is redeeming if you are so fixated on lighting that cig that you don't see the bus barrelling down on your ass ready to crush you like a bug. But back to the other slobs. No reason in hell to have more than two loads of laundry piled at any given time. If you are one of those lazy fuckers that lets laundry sit for weeks, you should understand why that festering pile of sweat and mold is starting to stink. And vacuum once in a while. Don't worry, you won't hurt the carpet by vacuuming. You actually get out all the carpet mites that jump on you at night and live in your hair. And wash your stinky sheets. Your skin sheds and dust mites live in your matress and eat the dead skin. All the more reason to wash those sheets at least every other week. More often if you ejaculate into your special monkey pillow often. Dirty fucking dishes in the sink are rediculous. If you have a dish washer, load it and turn it on. That gets things cleaner than sink washing anyway. If you don't have one, then start scrubbing, asshole. Cheap generic glass cleaner costs $1 and can be used on cabinets, countertops, and appliances. Lastly, scrub your god damn toilet and shower. "Check the speck" should be your motto. If you have shitstains in your toilet, it doesn't just mean you "could be a redneck", it also means you are a disgusting slob. And soap scum in your bath tub or shower?! Give me a fucking break. Once a month break out the $4 a bottle soft scrub and clean that shit (literally). Now you know how to stop being such a fucking dirtly slob. In our next installment I'll tell you how to stop being such a fat fucking pig....
