1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead
>raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm
>sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
>
>2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns
>to the other and says "Dam!"
>
>3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they
>lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank,
>proving once again that you can't have your kayak and
>heat it too.
>
>4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my
>electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first
>replies "Yes, I'm positive."
>
>5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused
>Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend
>dental medication.
>
>6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel
>and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
>tournament victories After about an hour, the manager
>came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
>"But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because,"
>he said," I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open
>foyer."
>
>7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
>One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named
>"Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain ; they
>name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of
>himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the
>picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she
>also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,
>"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen
>Ahmal."
>
>8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry
>payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to
>raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from
>the men of God, a rival florist across town thought
>the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers
>to close down, but they would not. He went back and
>begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the
>rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and
>most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close.
>Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store,
>saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
>Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh
>can prevent florist friars.
>
>9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most
>of the time, which produced an impressive set of
>calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which
>made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he
>suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this
>is so bad, it's good) a super calloused fragile mystic
>hexed by halitosis.
>
>10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten
>different puns to friends, with the hope that at least
>one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten
>did.
