Zen Daddy Goose ENMxJBFKx's blog: "Previous Blogs from another place"

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good. 2. When in doubt, just take the next small step. 3. Life is too short to waste time hating someone. 4. Don't take yourself so seriouisly. No one else does. 5. You don't have to win every arguement. Agree to disagree. 6. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it. 7. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile. 8. Makes peace with your past so it won't screw up the present. 9. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about. 10. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living or get busy dying. 11. You can get through anything if you stay put in today. 12. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else. 13. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take "NO" for an answer. 14. Over prepare, then go with the flow. 15. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple. 16. No one is in charge of your happiness except you. 17. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?". 18. Always choose life. 19. Forgive everyone everything. 20. What other people think of you is none of your business. 21. Time heals almost everything. Give time time. 22. However good or bad a situation is, it will change. 23. Believe in miracles. 24. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger. 25. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young. 26. Get outside every day. 27. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved. 28. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need. 29. The best is yet to come! 30. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. 31. Take a deep breath. 32. If you don't ask, you don't get.

LOVER IN ALL SHAPES. Van Goethe To be like a fish, Brisk and quick, is my wish; If thou cam'st with thy line. Thou wouldst soon make me thine. To be like a fish, Brisk and quick, is my wish. ( An interesting opening. Sets an easily understood pathology for what comes after. The musings of a lover for their paramour about how the attraction would play out if the poet were in another physical form. Personally, it reminds me of Nancy who wanted to dive into things too quickly. For some reason, she wasn't interested in learning about who I was.) Oh, were I a steed! Thou wouldst love me indeed. Oh, were I a car Fit to bear thee afar! Oh, were I a steed! Thou wouldst love me indeed. (A bit of dramtic whining. The concept of being willing to change yourself because you think it will make you more attrative is not a new one. Too often, though, the facade will come down, and then the paramour is left looking at someone they do not recognize and usually are incompatable with. Personally, this is Jenny, my wife. This is also Nancy, who came with offers of being a friend and never tried to learn who I was before she offered herself to me. When the facade came down, there stood not a friend, but a skilled hunter who exected her trap had sprung successfully. Thank God I am not a lesser man....) I would I were gold That thy fingers might hold! If thou boughtest aught then, I'd return soon again. I would I were gold That thy fingers might hold! (This is a sweet thought. No matter what happens to separate us, I will return to you. Personally, this seems to be something that is destined to happen in my life. Just wish I knew who it will be.) I would I were true, And my sweetheart still new! To be faithful I'd swear, And would go away ne'er. I would I were true, And my sweetheart still new! (A rumination on when love was new. A very sweet one in fact. Personally, I would love to experience this feeling again. Emotionally, I feel it is going to be a challenge. I am learning daily just how much Jenny's Violation of my trust has scared me deeply.) I would I were old, And wrinkled and cold, So that if thou said'st No, I could stand such a blow! I would I were old, And wrinkled and cold. (Just a personal comment. I wish I could stand the blows. I am sorry that my deeply scared psyche has led me to deliver such blows, recently.) An ape I would be, Full of mischievous glee; If aught came to vex thee, I'd plague and perplex thee. An ape I would be, Full of mischievous glee ( An interesting way to describe the lover's intention to provide comfort and security. Personally, I try not to emulate actions that might be construed as stalker-like.) As a lamb I'd behave, As a lion be brave, As a lynx clearly see, As a fox cunning be. As a lamb I'd behave, As a lion be brave. (Four animals and their associated characteristics. Invoked by the lover for proclaiming the virtues of his love.) Whatever I were, All on thee I'd confer; With the gifts of a prince My affection evince. Whatever I were, All on thee I'd confer. (The lover professes he would sacrifice all, his love is so great. I remember feeling this way. There was a time that my love for my wife was so great and overflowing, I even felt this way about certain close friends. Unfortunately, Jenny damaged me so deeply, that now I cannot summon this feeling for anyone other than my children......) As nought diff'rent can make me, As I am thou must take me! If I'm not good enough, Thou must cut thine own stuff. As nought diff'rent can make me, As I am thou must take me! 1815.* (Despite all of the professions of love, in the end the lover gives over that he must be accepted as he is, for what he is. If he is found wanting, it is up to the paramour to cast the final moulding. Personally, I really wish Jenny would have done what was right, rather than what she chose to do. Perhaps it is an implication of her true character and I was fooled for so many years. Our mutual friends have said I was blind to her true nature. Her family has said it is just the stubborn streak in her that once she makes a decision, facts and reality no longer matter. Our friends may be speaking some truth, but I know Jenny for who she was for so long. Her family speaks total truth. I guess there is always going to be a part of me that hopes Jenny will open her eyes and look at the truth. I have never backed away for admitting my faults from 2000 to 2005. I have not re-spun the past the way she has, omitting certain scenes to support a decision that I know is wrong in my heart. I know, even today, Jenny still is looking at the depressed, frustrated Scott of the past. I don't blame her for not liking him. I don't like him. But he was left behind in Houston. I just wished Jenny would open her eyes and see the Scott that is here today......................)

Most women who have their breasts surgically enlarged experience increased self-esteem and sexuality, too, a University of Florida study found. "This study shows that there are genuine psychological improvements that follow plastic surgery and these issues must be understood and respected," Cynthia Figueroa-Haas, an assistant professor at the university's College of Nursing said in the Gainesville (Fla.) Sun. The study results appear in the current issue of Plastic Surgical Nursing. Most of the 84 women in Figueroa-Haas's study had an increase in self-esteem and sexuality, the Sun reported. Participants were between the ages of 21 and 57. Following their breast augmentation surgery, self-esteem rose an average of 24.9 percent, while sexual desire increased 78.6 percent and sexual satisfaction increased 57 percent.

Do-It-Yourself Porn Why "Do-It-Yourself Porn?" Anyone can go out and buy a porn mag or spend hours surfing the internet for some "quality" porn only to be stopped at every hopeful point by sites that claim to be free but then demand your credit card details before you can see anything interesting. Hrmph. We hate that. Isn't it time to take some initiative? You might think your boyfriend or girlfriend wouldn't be impressed by any sexy photos of you if they're used to seeing so-called "professional" or even well-done "amateur" porn. Well, you're wrong. They don't know the air-brushed models - they know you. You're real. And real is sexy. Plus, learning to take erotic photos of yourself should remind you that you are a sexy and sensual being. You don't need to look like a model, an athlete, or a porn star to be sexy. Sexy is a state of mind - and with the right imagination you can boost your self-esteem and, if you're comfortable with it, you can make your boyfriend or girlfriend feel like their birthday, Valentine's and Christmas all came at once this year... For Web Cam or Digital Cam Photos Lighting Lighting can be tough, particularly if you have a very basic web cam, but basically, the more light, the better. Afternoon shots are always nice, with the sun streaming in. If it is possible to have all your shades up and still not be seen by your neighbors, go for it. If not, turn on a lot of lamps (bring more into the room) and light some candles. Whatever you do, don't pose with the windows behind you, or you won't get anything but your outline. However, if you're after a silhouette thing, than that's the ticket. Try your best to have a plain background behind you. Remember, the attention should be on you and you don't want to distract anyone with a mess behind you so they spend more time asking, "Hey, what's going on with your couch? Are those new covers?" or "Wow, your kitchen's looking mighty messy--are those leftover pizza crusts?" Timing Is Everything Frankly, the extent of your poses/success has to do with your timing. If your camera has a timer, use it! If you can, set it to a delay of 15 or so seconds so you have time to position yourself and make sure it's the shot you want. Stand back just a bit further than what you want as most web cams and digital cameras zoom in a bit upon taking the photo. Less Is More Porn mags almost always features guy or girl spread-eagled on the page. By all means, if that's what you're into, then go for it. But, if you're a beginner, you might want to stroll down the "arty" or "classy" web cam pic avenue before you go hog-wild. Besides, being mysterious is many times a lot sexier than revealing all. It's what they don't see that just might really drive them the craziest. Strategically placed props, bits of clothing, sheets, poses where you show just enough to get them aroused--these are the things that will make your photos that much more "special" Props If you're kinda kinky and just happen to have lots of toys and gadgets hanging around, then you can go all out. Handcuffs: Handcuff one hand to the bed (make sure you have the key), dangle them in your hand, hold them in your teeth, put them next to you on the bed, the possibilities are endless... Whips: Spread it out across your chest, hold it suggestively in your hand, wrap it around your neck, or lie down next to it. Bondage strips : All of the above! Scarves: All of the above! Lingerie: Wear it straight or wear it underneath something else and reveal bits of it. Or if you just "happen" to be hanging out or coming out of it a bit, all the better... Masks: I'm not talking about scary Halloween masks here, but something cute like a cat mask or a mask with a Mardi Gras feel might get you both feeling festive Thong/G-string: Try a side-view if you want to be a tease, or bend over if you're brave. Speedos: Try a side, front, or back view! Hell, try all three! Silk boxers:Get comfortable and pull 'em down a bit...or, if you're a guy, allow your soldier to make a salute! You in a picture holding some handcuffs, or a whip, that just adds an extra charge to your photos. You don't even have to be doing anything with the items--just holding them is enough to get those juices flowing. Lingerie, a thong, speedos, silk boxers, all of that will serve as the spice to your webcam feast. So, what to do if you're not a whip-cracking, hand-cuff toting dominatrix or a silk boxer/lingerie sort of gal or fella? No worries. Use what you've got! Props you never realized you had... Teddy: A strategically placed teddy bear or stuffed animal hiding your privates is sure to get your significant other's attention. Sheets: Most people don't realise how sexy just the insinuation of nudity, rather than actual nudity, is. If you're not comfortable with taking entirely nude photos, you don't have to. You can still get erotic pics, without baring all. Spread out a sheet on the floor, the bed, the couch, or wherever. Then tangle yourself up in that sheet or use another one on top. Methodically choose which bits of yourself you want to expose. The length of a leg, particularly from the hip down, is quite tasty, as it will give the illusion of you not wearing any underwear, whether you are or aren't. If you are still wearing undies, hitch 'em up so the sheet covers them or it'll spoil the illusion! Another good one is to have one whole side of you fully exposed, from your toes up your calve, thigh, waist, chest, shoulder's arm. Stretch out on your back, or on your side, and keep the sheet on top if of you if you want, but stick out your hip/leg, and move the sheet so your entire side is showing. Cowboy boats/thigh-high boots/high-heels: Does your special someone have a shoe fetish? Lots of people do. If so, have fun and get a shot with either you wearing nothing put the boots, or cut off the shot so it stops just below your privates and you just see leg and accompanying footwear. Spray bottle: Let the wet T-shirt contest begin! Your favourite old T-shirt: And nothing else! A towel: Wrapped around you, just so, and of course, nothing else. An inside joke item: If you or your honey are into cooking, wear nothing but an apron or pose with a spatula or pot in hand. If you or they are into sports, pose in the picture with a racquet, bat, ball, whatever. Go, team! The point is to make these pictures fun. Funny can be sexy too. You can't be uptight with these. Just go with it. If you or they are an avid reader, place that best selling novel in a provocative area and let the web cam snap it up. Are you a workaholic in the office? Well then snap some pics you wearing nothing but your briefcase or some pseudo file folders/reports. (Watch out for papercuts though - ouch!) Your vibrator/sex toy: If you're comfortable with it, no doubt the sight of you actually using your sex toy is enough to make him/her climb the walls with excitement. And honestly, if the object of your affections is a guy, just the sight of you fellating your toy will have him hot and bothered. Massage oil: Apply massage oil liberally to your body so that your skin glistens. It's easy, it's sexy, it's fun. Also, a shot of you applying the massage oil, and stroking your body is very much a turn-on. Aloe: It's thicker, it's gooey-er and it will make your skin shine without getting your sheets oily Positions The Chair Straddle: That's right, you grab a nice chair, turn it around, and straddle that baby. You can be fully nude and use the chair to block out certain areas, or you can be in various states of undress. If you're feeling flexible, or daring, sit in the chair, then arch your back or lean back all the way so your head and torso are aiming towards the floor. Guys, this is where you can flex those muscles and extend that back. You can keep your "package" hidden or exposed, it's up to you. Lover's Crawl Get down on your knees and start crawling towards the web cam. You can do this full-on, or face towards the side. The side shot can be quite sexy, highlighting the hips, a bit off the bum, the thighs, and part of the chest. Crawl slowly, and sensually. Crawling can be done on the floor or on the bed. The floor might be sexier if your bed isn't that firm! Guys, this is not just for gals. Crawling is sexy, period, no matter who is doing it. Put on your best "come hither look/pout" and crawl on! And please, by all means, put a blanket or something soft on the floor. It often takes many tries to get that photo "just right" and if you're crawling on the rug, you will get rub burn on your knees and you'll regret it in the morning. A little on the side: Lay down on the floor, or bed, on your side a la Kate Winslet posing for Leonardo in Titanic. Yes, that movie was cheesy, but come on, that was a steamy little position, for either sex. Peek-A-Boo: Play full-on peek-a-boo with your chest, bum, and privates. Lift up your shirt to just expose the bottoms of your breasts, or if you're a guy, catch yourself in a "shirt half off, half on" pose. Or take a photo of yourself just starting to pull down your pants/boxers/panties. Or, you could unbutton a shirt all the way, just allowing part of the chest to be exposed. If you are a chick with long hair, let your hair flow down over your breasts, sort of hiding your nipples. It's a classic shot. The Sharon Stone: Guys and gals can both pull a "Sharon Stone" and "sit" (legs crossed or uncrossed) so your guy and gal will be looking for a magnifying glass to get a closer view of your hidden family jewels. Limbo in Ecstasy: Again, get down on your knees, but don't crawl. This time you, spead open your legs (with or without something hiding your privates) and then either position yourself so your shins/tops of feat are are touching the floor and you lean back as if you're doing the limbo, as low as you can go, chest and arms stretched in ecstacy. Or you can simply stretch your arms up, piling your hair on top of your head, or run your fingers through your hair. The Strip Tease: It's all about the build-up. It's probably more fun if your sweetie is either there with you in person, or online while you send these photos across, as you can get their instantaneous reaction, but it's still fun if your loved one is far awaqy and they get them via e-mail. Send a photo of just your lips, perhaps you licking them. Then, strategically take photos of you doing a strip-tease. First, off comes the shirt, then the pants, then take steamy photos in your boxers or panties/bra, etc., in all sorts of positions, until finally you're naked, or close to. If you really want to keep the momentum, create a striptease slideshow on your computer and when your honey comes over, watch the slideshow together and use it as inspiration. The Graffiti Artist: If you're a guy, grab some whipped cream or edible chocolate paint and write your sexy one's name across your chest, or down your stomach towards your pelvis. If you're a lady, you can also use the whipped cream or chocolate paint, or grab a tube of lipstick and write your special one's name across your breasts or your stomach or ass. Ready & Waiting: There's nothing like photographing yourself as if you're just waiting for you boy/gal to get home, or as if they're in the room with you and taking pics for you. If you're a guy, take a photo of yourself standing in front of the bed, or kneeling/crawling on the bed towards your invisible lover. Or lay down on your back, in position for your sweetie to climb on board. If you're a gal, try wearing a skirt, flip it up a bit and bend over a bed/chair with your G-string/undies pulled halfway down your thighs. When I Think About You I Touch Myself: Oh yes. Now, some people might get shy or embarrassed or genuinely not like what I'm about to say, but more often than not, people get a thrill out of watching other people touch themselves. Many men and women have a fantasy of having their boyfriend/girlfriend masturbate in front of them, so now's your chance to make his/her dreams come true. Caressing and fondling yourself, whether it be your chest/bum, that's all good. But if you really want to drive them crazy, full-on genital masturbation is likely the way to go. If you're not fully comfortable doing this, just hinting about it can be enough. If you're wearing a bra/panties, just stick a few fingers or your whole hand down your panties. If you're just wearing your boxers or jeans, stick your hand down your pants, to give the illusion of masturbation. Don't worry - their imagination will take over from there! Where It's At Last but not least, the where could really spice things up as well. You're fairly limited if your web cam is set to your desktop computer, so the bed/floor area is probably the extent of your location list. But if you have a laptop/notebook or a digital camera, you can experiment a little more. After the bedroom, try the living room, the kitchen (oh the things you can do on the kitchen table), maybe even the bathroom, but don't get too excited and go too close to the shower/bathtub with all those cords! No electrocution, please! Trust Factor Before you get all carried away, you have to think about how much you trust the person you'll be sharing these photos with. If you haven't been together that long, you might want to wait. Pictures like these could have long-term consequences. The easiest thing to do would be to just store your nudie stash (very carefully!) on your computer and invite the lucky guy/gal over for a special viewing. With the internet being so speedy and popular these days, the last thing you want to do is e-mail your pics to someone with a mean streak who will be madly posting your pics online at porn sites like a crazy mofo to get back at you if you two break up badly. Sharing With Online Chat Buddies This is a very personal and difficult choice. Perhaps you have been chatting to a seemingly nice person online and you've exchanged regular photos. Perhaps things have gotten a bit flirty and you've even had a bit of cybersex. Keep in mind, the move to exchange nude photos is a big one and not one that should be taken lightly. They might be trustworthy and discreet, or they might be chatting to you while in a room with 50 of their horny guy/girl friends who are all waiting to take a gander at your bare bum. If you decide to take the risk and share, to be on the safer side, take the photos cutting your head off in the shot. Just go with you from the neck down. That way, if he/she turns out to be a lying freak, at least people off the street can't say, "Hey, haven't I seen your work online?" And that way, you'll still be able to run for public office without fear of people finding your online pics of you in your birthday suit. Self Defense If other people regularly use your computer, or might occasionally use it, take precautions. Either make sure you have passwords for everyone, or, name your folder of nudie pics something really boring like "Moby Dick Thesis." And don't forget to open up your photo/imaging program and open up several tame photos. Your computer remembers the last several pics you opened up, so anyone could just open PhotoShop and click unsuspectingly on a picture of your bare ass. Don't let it happen to you! Size Does Matter Remember, size does matter. Many web cams automatically save your pics as bitmaps (.bmps) which take up more space than .gifs or .jpgs. So import your pics to something like PhotoShop and save them as .gif or .jpg files. Some After Effects Black and white/grayscale/Sepia: It's amazing how much cooler a picture can look just by converting it to black and white. It gives a classy/retro feel. Also, if it's an option for you - try sepia. It makes pics look like fun "back in the olden days" porn - and can also be very warm and classy. The Write Stuff: Not thrilled with the idea of writing on yourself with whipped cream, chocolate, or lipstick? It may not be as exciting, but writing sexy/quirkly little text messages in PhotoShop over your naughty bits will drive 'em crazy! 12 Months of Fun: pick your 12 favourite photos and make a 'calendar' presentation for your honey. 12 great months of you! Love Is a Puzzle: Take your favourite photo and cut it into as many reasonable portions as possible and let the special him/her put the pieces back together for a big surprise. Have Fun & Get Feedback That all said, don't forget to have fun. If you take yourself too seriously, it's not going to work. Experiment and don't feel like looking stupid, because if you don't like the result, you can delete it, easy as pie. And lastly, don't forget to ask your receiver for their feedback. What could you do that would really turn them on? After getting all this, they should be comfortable enough to tell you. Also, this whole photographic exercise is 100X better if both parties are willing participants. It's all about giving and receiving and equal opportunity! It's obvious what the other person gets out of this, but what do you get out of this? If you're honestly enjoying yourself and feeling sexy and confident, then you're doing it right and for the right reasons. Happy flashing!

Okay. I have to preface this with a comment/explaination. No, I did not write this. It comes from a friend in Texas. As far as I know, they are not into the type of activities suggest herein. I believe this was blogged on their site because it does make a powerful statement about body image and how certain people (refferenced in the title) are perceived in society. Now on with the blog: Fat Women, Body Image, & Sexual Politics in the BDSM Scene By Sensuous Sadie..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> My name is Sadie and I'm fat. That is, fat and beautiful. Zaftig. Rubenesque. Soft and cuddly, and really fun to hug. I am a size 24, and in general, if you don't like it, you can lump it. It helps that I am also in fabulous shape with calves of steel and six pack abs (which can't be seen under my tummy, but I know they're there) This is a little bit about me and a lot about everyone who has body image issues. It's a lot about women, and a little about men. It's about how I came to love my body, and also how body image and self-esteem function in the D/s context. When I started thinking about writing this piece, I wasn't sure if I had anything useful to say. After all, as my friend Elizabeth told me "you have the best body image of anyone I know, thin or fat." The story of how I got here doesn't have a lot to do with BDSM, so I won't go into excess detail. Suffice it to say that once upon a time I was addicted to food and hated my body. In my mid 20's I went to Overeaters Anonymous and made friends with Nicole, another addict who happened to be a size five, but who also ate her chicken pot pies half frozen because she couldn't wait for them to bake fully. She was also one hell of a snappy dresser. Nicole taught me that self-hatred is an equal opportunity force of destruction for both fat and thin women, not to mention how to be one hell of a snappy dresser. Is The BDSM Scene Any Different Than Vanilla Life? Some years later I entered the BDSM lifestyle pretty much at peace with those issues. I don't have any research basis for this, but there does seem to be more plus-sized women in the scene. Perhaps they are attracted in greater numbers because their size is less of an issue than what they have to offer through their submission or their domination. The scene offers some wonderful things that the vanilla world does not. The biggest one is that due to numbers alone, way more men than women, I could have been a complete ass, a total bitch, or a whining doormat and I still would have had no shortage of Dominants a'knocking at my door. While I have never found it particularly difficult to find lovers in the vanilla world, in the BDSM world they're lined up on the doorstep. Before ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Vermont even had a D/s community, I posted a personals ad in alt.personals.bondage and over a few years met and went out with no less than 40 Dominants. Is this because I'm God's gift to men? As much as I'd like to think so, it's unlikely. There some are very real differences which account for this phenomenon. While we come from all walks of life, BDSMers all have a love for the alternative. We are not people who spend every Wednesday night engaged in military-style intercourse. We love passion, the power exchange, and the magic of sexual self-expression. This attitude translates, generally speaking, into a more open-minded attitude toward size, not to mention age, gender, race, and orientation. When I look for a Dominant, I'm looking less at his career path, and more for his ability to know himself and control me. When I look for a Submissive, I'm looking less for his economic viability, and more for his capacity to be vulnerable, for his emotional stability. Looks are nice, and heaven knows I like to have a hot trophy Submissive hanging on my leash, but the bottom line is that after a scene, I want to be able to connect with this person on a deeper level. After the party, I want to be able to cuddle up with them over a bowl of popcorn and watch Arsenic and Old Lace. Unlike our vanilla friends who rarely see large naked bodies, we have many opportunities through play parties and demos to look at, get used to, and eventually admire the soft curves of fat people. It is at first astounding, and then liberating to see a large man or woman walk around a play party stark naked, proud of their body, fully loved. It's hard not to like someone who likes herself so much. How To Get Over It The thing about body issues is that everyone has them, women and men, thin and fat, you and me. After all, if I never had any body issues, the world would not need me to be an activist for size acceptance. If you want to get over self-criticism, here are some things you can try. Start by communicating with your body, using affirmations to find the beautiful parts about yourself, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. Listen to what your body has to say, and respect your own path. This is the foundation of self-love. If you love yourself, loving your body will follow. On the practical side, go to some play parties or other public situations where you will be able to observe people of all sizes and shapes enjoying themselves. Replace any critical thoughts in your head with positive ones about the beauty of their bodies, whether it be good skin, soft curves, great butt to spank, strong muscles, or wonderful handfuls of breasts. Talk to your friends about what beautiful thing you saw in this larger person. If it's not a physical attribute, notice their courage for playing in public, their love of their own body, or their unself-consciousness. For the female Dominant, size can be an advantage, projecting a powerful physical presence which attracts Submissives. If you have this advantage, use it. Invite some friends over and do a little play under more controlled conditions. You'll be able to see how it feels to share your fears with people you trust. Here again, you don't need to bare it all. Think about the parts of your body you like best and start with those. For example, I feel most confident about my breasts, waist and legs. So when I first played in public I wore a short skirt, but bared the rest of me. When I played with one Submissive who was shy about his tummy (he wasn't fat, but he didn't work out and was a bit soft there), I had him bare his ass and penis, both very fine, but allowed him to wear a tank top. Showing this kind of love and care for his feelings also helped him to come to terms with his body. I found I felt more confident when my friends and/or play partners were also plus-sized. Over time I discovered play partners who weren't fat themselves, but who appreciated my body nevertheless for its strength, flexibility, health, and energy. When you are ready, consider doing some public play at a party. You do not have to go whole hog and strut around nekkid. Take some trusted friends along and give it a try. Work out! There is nothing like the confidence and strength that comes from being in good shape. While we should all be respected regardless of our size, it's much harder for people to criticize me knowing that 1. I'm in better shape than they are, and that 2. I can kick their butt. Wear sexy clothes. The best part about Scene parties is the opportunity to dress like a slut. Scene events are one of the few places where you can wear revealing, sexy, exotic clothing, and have it be appreciated. Show off your best attribute. Have you ever seen me in a high necked shirt or a long skirt? Looking good translates to feeling good. Dress not because you feel you should, but because showing off your body will increase your confidence. Also known as fake it till you make it. Lastly if you like yourself and your body act like it. Talk about body image to your friends. Dress well. Take care of your body. Be a role model. The Big Picture This is my theory about men and body size: 25% of men love Plus Sized Women Like Me! One vanilla, but aggressive lover in the midst of fucking my brains out, whispered "those guys who like skinny women don't know what they're missing!" A New Hampshire Dominant says, "I prefer larger Submissives. There's more flesh to play with and I don't have to worry so much about hitting bones." Another scene player says "Personally, I find the sight of a voluptuous woman bound tightly much more stirring than a slim woman. It is much more gratifying to spank a well-rounded bottom than a skinny one." 25% do not Notice Body Size At All. One Dominant said to me, "I get so irritated with these Submissives who talk about and criticize their bodies all the time. It makes me focus on the negative things about them, and to be honest, I really just do not care about whether or not they have a tummy or not, or have big thighs or not, or whatever. I just don't look at people that way." 25% prefer Slimmer Woman, But Are Open To Loving People For Who They Are, Not What They Look Like. Another Dominant said to me "I've been with big women and small women and it doesn't matter what size they are, so much as their personality and whether or not they're fun to be with in and out of bed." 25% only Date Thin Women. One Submissive said about her partner "Recently as we were walking with our arms about each other, he commented 'the world is backwards.' He does not like the fact that I am not small enough to throw around the bed the way he would like." 100% of them are irritated by women who harp on their bodies and constantly put themselves down. I know three Dominants who only get involved with thin women. Does it irk me? You bet it does, and at some level it limits our friendship. I need to know that my friends celebrate me in the same way I celebrate myself. I'm not saying each of us shouldn't be allowed to have our preferences, but to insist on one particular body type seems childish and closed-minded to me. I also don't go out with men who only date plus-sized women. That's just as ridiculous. I choose my men for their ability to be emotionally grounded, spiritually present, and engaged with life. In any case, I'm still left with 75% of the men, so I say to hell with the ones who are stuck on size. In addition to my fat self, my zaftig self, my Rubenesque self, I am so much more. I am passion, joy, and spirituality. I am strength and weakness, Dominance and submission, taking and yielding. I am a whole person first, a fat woman second, and, I am really fun to hug.