Icarus's blog: "Somantics"

In lieu of doing something productive today...
I napped.
And watched the entirety of Gundam 0083, and about half of season 2 for the Kids in the Hall.

We can see I'm a highly motivated and functional member of society.

Hey at least I didn't drink any today...
*goes to get a glass of scotch*
WHAT!?

I also ate a whole sleave of Milano double chocolate cookies.

Add that to the ribeye the size of my head
and I probably breached 4k calories today.

Mom calls that seasonal effective disorder.
I call it life deffective disorder.

... life back there would be different.

I can't say "better"

but different.

I remember how... big the world is in a small town.
Two hours from anything.

I wonder if my folks would give me any breathing room whatsoever...
Ugh...

Here I am talking about moving back when all I wanted was OUT.

Desert.
Flat.
Open.

No more green and rolling.

Another adventure.

... but this...

I can help people.
I can carve a little life for myself.
And I can get some distance from my bad memories and boogeymen...
right?

But what if this is just another idealistic bad fit?

What if this doesn't work out- I flip over a table
and quickly find myself on the wrong side of 30 with no better place to go?

... is this a step backwards?

There I go getting ahead of myself again...
I don't even have the job yet.
And I'm dreading a move.

Not that my life would be much different there than here.
I can order weird food online.
All my hobbies and eccentricities are mail order anyway.
And my companionship...
$40 in food a month
occasional vet visits
and a small, fenced yard.
She'd be fine.
I even like the vet there better than here.

Its not like I really dated here in the last 6 years anyway.

Well... a couple times.

But I'm not really counting that.

I usually meet people when I'm not trying.

And housing is 1/3 the cost here.
You can really improve the quality of your life when your costs are reduced...and its so god damn clean and wholesome there...

Like a big stretch of green and smiles.

...
then of course there's Europe.

Still... kinda want to leave the country.

Ugh... what even needs to happen?
Bag is already packed. No point in doing my laundry here since... I can't.
Probably need to grab my cards and PSP. My brother will be here a week after this unjob thing.


... should probably do a few dishes and grab dog food.
Hah... can't believe dishes before depart is on the list.

And a dry run on the unjob thing.
Questions. Concerns. Programs. Longevity. Training. Liability.

I gotta bring my resume and pick up an app.
Don't have to dress up

and for god's sake act natural. I'm conversing with an old friend.
Not jesus.