A lot of people looking for more mature, adult relationships talk about wanting only to be with someone "complete." That they only want someone who can be "complete" without a relationship. I've seen comments like "If you aren't complete on your own, what are you bringing to a relationship?"
But what does that mean? Obviously, I understand that there are unhealthy people who cannot seem to stand on their own, who move immediately from one relationship to another because they feel unwanted and unloved if they don't have someone in their lives, even if it's someone incompatible or unlikeable. And there are a lot of people who want a relationship, any relationship. But are people truly complete on their own if they're seeking a relationship? Why seek a relationship at all if you feel complete?
I think I'm a relatively balanced person, emotionally. I have always been picky about who I've gotten involved with, romantically, and thus have had very few, solid relationships with gaps of several years between them. I have great friends, a loving family, and many interests which keep me very occupied. I've thought a lot about what I want and need in a relationship, and I'm not really looking for something less than that. I don't want a relationship just to be in a relationship.
But that doesn't mean there aren't nights when I'm agonizingly lonely, when I long to have someone touch me lovingly, simply because he felt the need to connect with me. Times when I feel a hole inside me, that I long to have filled by the right relationship. Someone to share my burdens, and someone whose burdens I can share. Someone to cook meals for, and watch hockey with, and laugh at the antics of my cat Toby. Someone to tangle feet with in the middle of the night -- that deep comfortable connection.
Does this make me less than complete? I don't know. I don't think so. I'm happy on my own. I have a lot of fun, and a lot of love in my life. I never doubt that I will meet someone someday, and I don't ever feel the need to welcome someone in my life who's not quite the right fit.
But sometimes... I'm just so lonely.
