I've uploaded a new folder of photos in (somewhat belated) honor of Mardi Gras. They are slightly NSFW. Thanks very much to my photographer (and very married platonic friend), MikeNinja. I'm leaving these photos open to friends for now. I will make them family-only if people annoy me too much, so be warned. P.S. More photos coming in a week, in honor of St. Patrick's Day.

For Geoff, who will never read this Sometimes I think of passion as something foreign to me. An inexplicable emotion that somehow motivates the sufferers to heedless acts of impetuousness that I can never understand, only shoulder-pat and there-there in the aftermath. But then I remember you. I remember my first sight of you on that porch. The lanky frame. Dark hair and eyes such a contrast to your pale skin. The intelligence in your eyes. The deep voice behind me, breath from your laughter on my neck. The body pressed against mine on that couch. I remember you. I spent the night with you. The first time (last time) I'd ever done anything so idiotic, so impetuous. The passion before sleep, the comfort during. You held me in your arms all night, and I woke to see the photo on the nightstand. Your fiancee. The hospital came a few days later, and somehow we were part of each other right then. Secrets shared so quickly between us -- secrets that had been shared so few times before, and only then hesitantly. Trust between us, forged in fire and suicide. No more overt passion after the hospital (that passion for you a symptom of the turbulence you had been feeling at the very moment our lives intersected). And yet... I shared your bed. I slept deeply, curled into your body -- a peace I've never felt in sleep with anyone else. I shared your bed, if not your body, with that framed photo staring down at me. At me! Me, high judge and jury of infidelity. I should have cared. I drove you to your wedding. I shared a hotel room with you the night before. And for the first time, we slept separately. It was the only time I ever slept fitfully (with you but not, the empty space between the beds a wide gulf between us). I watched you marry her on the cliffs of Lake Tahoe. I watched, and I was glad. So fiercely glad for you, and for her. I never saw you again after that day. The unspoken agreement between us, two lovers that would never be. For 14 years I have had only one thing of you besides my memories -- a bottle of cheap wine, notable only because your image (and hers, mustn't forget hers) is part of the label. The only image I have of you, my unspoken (never spoken) love. And when I feel empty, like passion is something for others but not for me, I stare at your image on that bottle. To remind myself of passion. Passion I felt and lived. Passion remembered always. Thank you. Forever.

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Note that I rarely post here anymore. You can find me on LiveJournal instead.

I got tagged by my friend Brodie. Instructions...... Once you have been tagged, you have to write a blog with 10 weird or random things, facts, or habits about yourself. At the end, you choose at least 5 people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them to be tagged. Don't forget to leave a comment that says, "You're it" on their profile and ask them to read your blog. You can't tag the person who tagged you. So here we go -- ten random weird facts about me.

1. I am allergic to cats, and I have three of them. I only meant to have one. But he was lonely. So then I went to adopt another one. And came home with two. Yes, this is the way I work.
2. My internal thermostat doesn't work, and I'm usually either hot or cold.
3. My big dietary sin is dairy. I love, love, love dairy. And no, skim milk does NOT count.
4. I own not one, but two Tivos. One has a DVD burner attached. Yes, this makes me happy.
5. I cannot imagine a kitchen without kosher salt and a covered everyday pan.
6. I drink a Mountain Dew first thing in the morning. No judging, you people who drink coffee first thing, especially those who put five packets of sugar in it.
7. When I walk into a house, I'm looking more at potential than at so-called modern improvements. I'm a sucker for old houses that need work done.
8. I have no ability at spatial relations, which means I suck at Scrabble, despite my extensive vocabulary, and I cannot hook up my own electronics. That's what ex-husbands are for. :)
9. I have an absurdly small head. Like, "I can wear my four-year old nephew's baseball cap" small. I mean, it's tight, but it does fit on my head.
10. My hands are never particularly attractive, because I have a lifelong nail-biting habit (no oral fetish comments, please!). I haven't bothered breaking myself of the habit, both because I tend to do it when I'm concentrating on something else, and because I can't stand having longer nails anyway, due to all the typing and piano playing I do. But I get pedicures once a month, so my toes are always lovely, and during the summer months I wear toe rings and anklets constantly because I love decorating myself. One of my few girlie-isms!

I just wanted to remind any interested parties that I consolidated all of my various blogs over on LiveJournal. Please join me there if you feel the urge! Tanya's blog on LiveJournal I hope that if you are interested in my thoughts, you'll check it out!

Just wanted to wish everyone safe and happy holidays. If anyone is really interested, you can read my Christmas Card letter here. I will forebear posting the lengthy text here! And feel free to add me on LJ if you're on there!

In case you missed it, I'm now journaling primarily over on LiveJournal, but since I'd discussed my Chihuly trip with a few people, thought I'd share the results anyway. Some of you may remember that I mentor a wonderful girl named Michelle. Anyway, Michelle and I are having a busy week together, covering entertainment (the Enchanted movie), culture (last night's outing), and sports (Friday night -- free corporate-donated tickets to see the Pens play the Islanders -- Let's Go Pens!). (I'm doing the "free hockey tickets" dance right now, just so you know.) Well, last night was the culture portion of our program. We went to the Phipps Conservatory (a wonderful place, one of the three best conservatories in the country), where they are currently displaying an exhibit of Dale Chihuly's glass art, part of his Gardens of Glass series. It's an amazing exhibit, especially at night. Problem is -- tough to take effective photos in that kind of lighting without a tripod. So I took tons of relatively bad photos that do not effectively show off how absolutely cool it is. However, thought I'd share a few of the better ones nonetheless.

You can see more in my Chihuly at Phipps folder on Flickr. I will definitely have to go back before it closes, with a tripod and without Michelle waiting impatiently while I take photos. Poor Michelle! But we did have a wonderful time, and I do try my best to expose her to different things -- the Renaissance Festival, plays, classical music recitals, movies, museums, the zoo, the local amusement park... we've done them all. It's a wonderful experience, for both of us! For those interested... I was shooting with a Canon Powershot A630. I tried every shot with the flash, in night-scene mode, and in manual mode with a very slow exposure (as I said, poor Michelle!). I got lucky with a few shots where I was able to utilize fences, signs, etc. to hold the camera steady for the slower exposures, but mostly only the flash ones turned out, and those don't effectively show the dramatic lighting of the pieces in the garden setting.

OK, couple things. I'm up over 300 friends, even with all of the VIPs with thousands of friends I reject and promptly piss off. Oh, and the ones who re-add me multiple times after I drop them, because they don't remember we were friends before. That's always gratifying. Anyway, that means, to me, that it's time to clean out my list because I do like to touch base with people on my friends list regularly, and most of those 300 people never talk to me anyway :) As usual, if you talk to me, drop me comments, or make some effort to keep in touch, I will not drop you. If your sole attempt at communication is to ogle my photos, I will probably delete you. If you make no attempt at communication whatsoever... you aren't reading this anyway so why bother elucidating. :) Also, I'm 2/3's of the way through posting the photos from the Christmas-themed photos that Mikey (MikeNinja) and I took last week. I'll post the remainder tonight, I think. They'll be in the "Schoolteacher Christmas" and "Red" folders (also labeled 12/07 to make it really obvious). I did condense down the November photo shoot photos, but I'll leave the remainder up for awhile. Be content with these two shoots, as we probably won't do another one again for awhile! As usual, if you have ideas for photo shoots that do not involve me naked (sorry, no, you're SOL), showing off individual body parts, or dressed up as a cowgirl or cheerleader (god forbid), please let me know. Thanks!

First of all, if anyone in the 'burgh is feeling Christmasy on Sunday and has nothing to do, my theater group is doing a sing-along Messiah as a fundraiser. It's only about an hour and unlike all of those other Messiahs out there, it's BEFORE the Steelers game. I'm the contralto soloist, so you should come. :) Check out their website for more information. Second, Mikey and I are doing another photo shoot tonight so I'm going to be starting to condense the photos from my last shoot. So enjoy 'em all while they're there. Happy holidays, everyone!

I posted the last of the 11/07 shoot photos today. I hope you all enjoy them! I appreciate all of you who have already rated and commented them, and I hope some of the rest of you will check them out if you're interested. But! Better enjoy them quickly, because Mikey and I are already planning a Christmas shoot, so I'll probably be condensing the new photos back down to a manageable few within a few weeks. Hope everyone had a great Turkey day! I went to Chicago, as usual, and spent the holiday with my family. My sister's in-laws hosted this year, which meant we had wonderful food, presented beautifully, which involved almost no work on my part! Best of all worlds (unfortunately, no leftovers :(.

You've probably noticed by now that I am in the process of posting new NSFW photos from a photo shoot I did a few weeks ago. A couple things about those new photos. First, just because I have photos that some people would judge as sexy, doesn't mean I want to talk about sex with you or have sex with you. Don't bore me or piss me off. Treat me with the respect I deserve. I present a well-rounded picture of myself here, and if all you choose to notice is my sexuality, you will end up booted off my friends list. Second, I choose what I will, and will not, show. I prefer my photos to be in a more old-fashioned pinup style. I like to maintain some class and mystery -- show enough to entice while remaining relatively chaste. If you prefer porn or full-body nudes, the internet is at your disposal. Nagging at me to provide more than I'm comfortable with will only piss me off. Which brings me to the photos available only to family. Do not assume that because you are cute, we've talked a few times, or you've put me on your family list, you *deserve* to be in my family. You don't. If you want to understand how you land in my family, read this. Nagging, begging, guilt-tripping, or abusing me to get in my family will only get you bumped off my friends list entirely. You get into my family when I feel like putting you there. Period. Please note that if you don't understand these concepts, and too many of you fail to treat me with the respect I deserve, I am prone to taking down my photos out of disgust for your immaturity and lack of respect. I like to model, and I enjoy the creativity that comes with my photo shoots. I prefer to share the results. But I deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. Seriously, don't ruin it for everyone else by being a jerk. Got it? Make sense? Oh, and no, I'm not sleeping with my photographer. He's a platonic friend, and a happy married newlywed. Such photos work a lot better if the photographer is just that -- a photographer.