*takes a deep breath*
ok fuckshits.
close your effin window.
its not necessary for the entire neighborhood to hear your drunken conversations just because you have absolultely zero couth.
i hate you.
i hope you die.
if i had a time machine i'd go back in time and kill your grandmother just to make 100% sure you would never exist.
screw the reprecussions.
on another note completely.
people who rate stashes without actually watching the material...and yes...i do know who you are...cuz im smarter than you...should go set themselves on fire so i can rate it a *thumbs down* for not happening sooner.
and another completely different note. its my blog i can bounce around if want. keep up or get out.
while the rain is absolutely fabulous...listening to rainy day music and talking with my children has made me come to this conclusion that while *cough* other close personal people might have realised it...i for myself had not.
i've got a friend wrapped up almost to the point of obsession with someone she could have had before...sorry hun.
i've got a friend wading thru mounds of personal...well for no other word 'garbage' and is finally coming upon the stinky stuff and not relishing it much...sorry hun.
i've got another friend who is stalked by a psychotic ass...who deserves multiple violent occurences....sorry hun.
as for me?
im just...im not ready.
i dont know if i'll ever be ready.
but i know for 100% fact im most definitely not ready.
and while my children would prolly love it if i was ready...cuz i was talkin to Meems and trying to discover what the problem is with the incessant disobedience and backtalk and lying and just general attitude...and sure some of it could be an age thing...but i know her...i really know her...and when she acts out...its for a reason...and so...i ventured 'there' and brought up her biological shithead. she cried. n said silly stuff about us getting back together...*laughs* so i asked her...'seriously??? you want THAT?' n she thought about it...n was all..no he sucks...and he's mean...and smelly and etc etc etc...which always surprises me cuz i dun say mean things about that biologic shithead...she just wants a father...a dad...a male figure person.
but fact of the matter?
i just got out of a 3 year relationship...albeit on again off again relationship...but still...and im still reeling...and im still emotionally...stuck in a place...i dont want to be...but cant get out of lickity split cuz life doesnt work that way...
it takes time...
time to heal
time to get those feet planted back on the ground
time to let go
time...to grieve.
and while i dun expect the male gender to completely understand that...frankly..i have more important things to do than worry about how taking care of me effects them in their little penis world of want.
i dont want a one night stand.
i dont want to date.
i dont want a friend with benefits.
i dont want a boyfriend.
i dont want a relationship.
i want the friends i have
maybe some new friends
pressure free
and if the day comes when i decide to change my mind...than thats my decision...and if that day just doesnt come...thats my decision too.
respect it.
or go eat your own ass with a spoon
cuz i have no use for you
ps - dear arizona - stop being a blatant fuckshit and interrupting regularly scheduled programming to tell me that yes its raining outside and yes its wet...if the constituents dont have enough common sense to realise that on their own...its better for humanity if they drive themselves into the cow ridden washes and drown. seriously
~ and that is all ~ 
