well lets see all my life I have been searching looking everywhere I can think to look but nothing nothing can calm the raging storm in me,
I have felt peace for moments at times but never for to long, it always seems to come in waves of despair,when I think I have found what I am looking for the sea's in me calm, just to have it lost again and the sea's get more violent inside causing me to hurt deep inside of me.
I fear that the calm after the storm will never come for me I am destined to be in eternal torment.....
to have my soul pushed further inside of me making it hard to see me.
I do it to myself though, I allow hope to slip in every once in a while.....that hope being futal indeed but at the time I have it there is nothing else I can see..... until realization comes and I break all over again.......
sometimes I wish that the 20th of Oct 2006 would have went sooooo different to have not made that call, peace would have came to this longing soul....or I would be put in the eternal torment that some believe......never the less it has to be better than the torment I carry everyday inside of me..............
chin up, smilie face on, happy go lucky personality in place, and I preform the greatest acting part the world has ever seen, in the story of my life.........
