babybekah69s's blog: "my life"

when u look up at the stars, and close your eyes that warm gental breeze lets you know that you are alive. its always the things u can not see, that gives you hope and makes you belive you see that single leaf twirling and swirling so careless and free. gliding thought the air as it has no where to be. this is the moment in your life, that lets you see this is how life works and its your time to figure out who you are suppost to be. when you feel as if you are lost and all alone, just close your eyes and let the wind guide you home. home as in the one place that makes you feel nothing could go wrong, the one place that always makes you feel loved and it always plays your favorite song. the place you always feel that warm gental breeze, and insteadly your mind is at ease. it make take a day, weeks,even years but you have got to take the time to learn who you truely are and your pourpose in life. and at that moment you will find your one true mr. or mrs. right so the next tiem you are feeling sad. close your eyes and let the warm gental breeze guide you

i thought i was over this depression shit but once again its back. i just dont understand y i keep feelin like this for no reason. i should b used to being alone by now but i guess i aint. i just have this hole in me that i cant seem to find the missin peice for. my kids make me smile everyday but they arent what is missin. i guess my biggest fear in life is to live and die alone. but people say only way to get over ur fear is to face it and maybe that is my destiny. maybe i was ment to do good to all and still live this life alone. no one would miss me livin like that so i guess thats a good thing,for them. idk i just hate feelin like this and aint really no one to talk to bout it cuz i dotn wanna look weak or feel like im just being stupid and cryin over nothin.

to me, love is like god.... u cant see it but u know its there, u cant feel it but it makes u feel better, u cant make others believe it cuz they aint in ur heart

is someone really worth it? Current mood: sad ok this is me just thinkin out loud so it might not make much sence but i have to do it. is someone really worth dying for? yes i guess so in the matter of if u truly loved someone people always say they would take a bullet for them or if something to do with your kids. but im talking bout is an ex worth killing urself for? to me nothing is worth killing urself with ur own hands. nothing ! u are not god, so y act like him and try to take your life before your time is dun here. everything happens for a reason and they happen when they are suppost. so if u are going though a ruf spot in ur life it doesnt mean that life isnt goin to get any better or hey this is how it is always goin to be so y not end it cuz it sucks right now. and the biggest thing that gets me is how can u sit there and look at ur child and still have a gun in ur mouth? that totally fucked me up. u own inncent child who knows nothing but love and happiness no matter what is goin on in their lives. yes pepole fall in love all the time. but yet people also fall out of love and thats part of life.there are too many other people in the world to end ur life over one. if it wasnt ment to be it just wasnt ment to be and there is nothin you can say or do to change it. and i think it takes one hell of a selfish people to take their own life and not think bout what kinda hurt and pain it will cause on everyone else. we are all here for a reason weather we can one day figure out the reason or not, we gota keep on live in screach for that answer. you never know what tomorrow will bring your way and if u are living in the past you will never be able to see the furture. if u are one of the millions of people out there who have or still do think of ending your own life. just step back take a deep breath and know that there is a reason u are and u gotta keep goin to find ur purpose in life. no matter how bad shit seems to be at the present time,,,, somethin good is just around the corner. so please think of others before u the something you can never ever say ur sorry for... weather people say it or not, someone loves you .

what to do, what to do? yet again im confused. i spend half my life being confused bout something but hey if i knew everything then my life would b so boring and i would have nothing to talk bout. lol. ok i recived a phone call from someone i never in a million years thought would ever talk to me again. and it was great talkin to him again. i have missed him so much that words dont even began to explain how i felt when i heard his voice, then when i saw his face it reminded me of how wonderful he really is. but yet i know i cant totally have him like i want due to his living situation and some other stuff. but just to have him back in my life means so much. i was so mad at him and heartbroken at some of the things he said and did to me in the past, but in a way it all makes sence and no one is perfect so i have to look past that stuff and see whats really up. try to figure out what he is thinkin and what he wants in his life. apperently he has been thinkin bout me and missed me enough to just call me out of no where and get over his fears and face me once again and im so thankful for that. ive been on cloud 9 all day just from seeing his face and talkin to him. its good to have someone there for ya that listens to ya and understands ya. so if that certain someone is reading this. no this isnt a "i hate you" blog. its thank you and im so glad we're talkin again. please dont ever stop being my friend or forget bout me.

at this point in my life its like im stuck in two different worlds. i feel happy but yet uncomplete. i have people who wanna be wit me, but yet i push them away. i dont understand it and i never have. someone actually shows they like me and may even one day love me, and what do i do, i get scared i run away, and i do what i know would b the worst thing in the world for someone to do to me, i shut them out..... i dont know why and it seems ive always been like this. its like i want to find the perfect man and i need to look at what i got in front of me. but it scares the shit out of me that someone could have such feelings for me when all they have dun is talk to me on the phone and on here.i guess im tryin way to hard but yet i dont wanna just settle cuz i think i have too or i should cuz the chance is there. a good friend of mind to me that if im scared my whole life, i will never know whats really out there. and that is true on so many different levels but yet i cant help but do it. im sorry for those i have hurt or lead on in any way. i really am i guess thats y i ended things so i wouldnt let you get any closer to me cuz in the end its the same result everytime.. and i cant do that anymore. i hope you understand and one day u will find that guy who aint afraid of life and everything you have to offer but at the moment i know i aint that person. so once again please forgive me.

IM IN CT. DADDYS CONTEST AND I NEED ALL THE HELP I CAN GET I HAVE TO HAVE AT LEAST 100 VOTE A DAY AND ITS FOR CASH MONEY OHH GOD HOW I NEED IT.... BAD ...... SO PLEASE HELP ME OUT HERES THE LINK TO THE CONTEST PAGE LEAVE AS MANY COMMENTS U WANT SO THE MORE THE BETTER THANKS SO MUCH......babybekah69s

@ CherryTAP

to live a life being in a body that does not work, is very hard yet very rewarding in so many ways. to see life as what it was intended for and not for the superfical things everyone makes it into being. no voice to talk on the cell phone, no feeling in my legs to complain bout standing on my feet all day. not knowin how petty, the everyday things people bitch bout have to do. but yet people look at me as if im the one who needs symopathy. as if im the one who isnt normal. i breath the same air as u, i see the same deep blue sky, and i bleed the same red color that u do, so y is it that im placed in a different group as u, different bus to ride, and most of all, like im a different type of human than u are? i smile all the time, for i have no idea that my life is so much harder and complexed than most. i trust people for i dont know the meanin of being the joke. i love for i have never understood hate. i am the same as u, only people are who make me different. the socitiy we live in say im different cuz i cant tell them im just like u. love me the same as i love you...... THIS IS WHAT I THINK MY DAUGHTER GOES THROUGH EVERYDAY. SHE IS ONLY 6 AND HAS C.P. AND SHE IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND YET EVERYONE TALKS TO HER LIKE SHE IS DUMB OR SHE DONT UNDERSTAND. JUST BECAUSE SHE CANT NOT TALK OR WALK SHE KNOWS WHAT PEOPLE SAY BOUT HER. AND IT BREAKS MY HEART TO EVEN THINK OF WHAT ALL SHE IS GOING TO DEAL WITH LATER IN LIFE. SO IF U KNOW SOMOEONE WHO ISNT THE SAME AS U OR ME. JUST LOOK PAST THE PHYSCAL PART AND SEEM THEM FOR THE HEART AND SOLE A PERSON HAS. NEVER DEGRADE SOMEONE FOR WHO OR HOW THEY ARE. FOR YOU NEVER KNOW... YOU OR YOUR KIDS MIGHT BE THAT WAY ONE DAY. LOVE OTHERS AS U WOULD WANT THEM TO LOVE YOU.

i have so many issues im dealing with right now, but i just brush it off like its no big deal. i have been serving a life sentance in the worst place possible, my own mind. my baby's daddy is doing time in jail about to be sent to prision,but my own world has no compaision to that. he do many things wrong to end up there, all ive down was be born and actually care. i live off the moto" life is to short to be fake" and i beleive that to the fullist. my problme is sometimes im too real.to everone else, just not myself. i know what i want out of life, i know what im looking for in a man, but i push back my want and needs only to konw im not with the one i want but i have some uncontrolable urgure to be with the one who has so many things bout them i cant stand. i know im not perfect by anymeans. but my worst quitlity bout me is findin the flawes in others. how can i sit and judge sumone for things they do, when i am not god. people do what they want to and i am no one to say they are wrong or they need to change. but i guess ive been told that all my life that finally i got the point. and all i do is try to help people see how they are hurting themselves or others. i just wish i could find a man who i didnt see any flawes in and have the feeling of "changing" them. but once i had met a guy like that and it was so boring to me. nothing intresting or excititing ever happend. i guess i need that drama in my life to feelthat i am worth something. i dont know im just rambling on but i have so many things i need to say and no one to say them too. no one that actually cares.