at this point in my life its like im stuck in two different worlds. i feel happy but yet uncomplete. i have people who wanna be wit me, but yet i push them away. i dont understand it and i never have. someone actually shows they like me and may even one day love me, and what do i do, i get scared i run away, and i do what i know would b the worst thing in the world for someone to do to me, i shut them out..... i dont know why and it seems ive always been like this. its like i want to find the perfect man and i need to look at what i got in front of me. but it scares the shit out of me that someone could have such feelings for me when all they have dun is talk to me on the phone and on here.i guess im tryin way to hard but yet i dont wanna just settle cuz i think i have too or i should cuz the chance is there. a good friend of mind to me that if im scared my whole life, i will never know whats really out there. and that is true on so many different levels but yet i cant help but do it. im sorry for those i have hurt or lead on in any way. i really am i guess thats y i ended things so i wouldnt let you get any closer to me cuz in the end its the same result everytime.. and i cant do that anymore. i hope you understand and one day u will find that guy who aint afraid of life and everything you have to offer but at the moment i know i aint that person. so once again please forgive me.
