Miss Kiki's blog: "More to life"

The one who has such a hold over me. The one who all others are measured against. The one who has ruined everyone else's chances from the start. The one I'm terrified of. The one who won me without even trying. The one I implore to come here and make me his. I'm not sure which would be worse: knowing he doesn't know or knowing he does.

So dating sucks. I've never really done it before and I totally hate it. Its like trying to find a needle in a haystack, except in this case, I've already found the needle, I just dove back in to make sure there isn't another one. WTF? I know I've found what I want. Whether the what and the who are one in the same remains to be seen. Now its a matter of patience. Oh yeah, like I'm SO good at that! If you have any answers or insight, I'd love to hear it!

I can't help but think there has to be more to my life than this. I am unsure where to turn, what to do, who to pursue, what to make for dinner. Without a job, I feel like a waste of space. Without a partner, I feel like everyone is getting short changed. I'm not saying I'm not complete without a man. Far from it. But I also know I'm not meant to be alone. This life should be a team effort. I know with the proper support system life can be a wonderful place. Not that I have seen evidence of this. All relationships I have witnessed have been totally dysfunctional. I just know in my heart that there is someone out there who is craving the gifts I have as much as I crave theirs. I'm sure this makes me sound like a husband-hunting sap. I'm not. I've just begun to realize that this is not the life I'm meant to lead. I know its in transition...I just need to figure out which direction to go in next.