Miss Kiki's blog: "Mental Vomit"

I've decided to try to do things a little differently around here from now on.  I've gotten quite a lot of a particular kind of attention and I think I've had my fill.  It was fun while it lasted, but it might be time to quit letting everyone else stroke my ego and grow up a bit.

My family list has suffered some dramatic changes.  Gone are the people who were only there for access to the goods.  Added (and kept) are those who have shown they actually give a shit about me.  Forging bona fide friendships is more my focus than titillating the fu-masses.

I plan on adding some pictures of my real live family on here, and I'm only interested in sharing photos like that with people who don't objectify me.  I know the fate of the universe does not ride on whether or not someone gets to be part of my fu-family, but I thought someone might be interested in knowing what was going on.

I could be wrong.  Happened before!

Anyhow, everyone have a great week and keep your eyes peeled for pics of my midgets!

xox,

Kiki

On Fubar?

With kids?

And a Roomate?

WOW you're a fkn Keeper!

I hate the ones who said they loved me and never meant it.

I hate the ones who said they loved me, then changed their minds.

I hate the ones that loved me, but never bothered to say anything.

I hate the ones who never considered me an option to love.

I hate people who leave without saying goodbye.

I hate everyone who underestimates me.

I hate those who have misjudged, pigeonholed, written off or otherwise stereotyped me.

I hate being forgotten about.

I hate that I waste energy to actively hate anyone.

I hate thinking I'm a fuckup.

I hate myself for caring what anyone else thinks.

I hate that the one person who may be the polar opposite of all these things might never know how much I value him.

I hate being afraid to love.

Do you hate me?

1. I didn't know what real love was until I had kids 2. There is only one man in the world I would trust with my life. He's also the only man I believe truly loves me, even though he's never said it out loud. 3. If I could spend the rest of my life cooking and having sex, I'd die with a smile. 4. If I had to forsake one of the above for the other, I'd want to kill myself. 5. I am not addicted to chocolate...despite being female. 6. Although I love girly things (makeup, nail polish, etc.) I consider myself low maintenance and take less time to get ready than most men I know. 7. I have pulled a transmission from a car in a junk yard. I even got my hair in the mud. Yay me. 8. I know how to change my own oil. I also know where to find eye candy in my town to do it for me. 9. I can install and remove snow chains...and am very glad I live where I no longer have to use those skills. 10. I AM addicted to caffeine, sex, chewy candy (Dots if ya got em), and quite possibly fubar.

I need to purge this outta my head so I can hopefully relax once I get the kids. This day was such a fucking emotional roller coaster I could hurl. Literally. Started out WAY too early, got the kids ready and off to day care, then came home to get myself ready. Coffe, shower, trying to put on panty hose I ripped a huge hole in the knee. Much swearing until I realize that I have some nude back seam stockings...sexiness, yay!. Finish getting ready and realize I'm leaving about 10 minutes later than I had hoped. No biggie. I can make up the time on the highway. Flashing lights thought otherwise. Very sweet officer, introduced himself. Asked me where I was going, where I was coming from, whether I had an appointment. When I very honestly said it was for a job, he handed my stuff back to me and told me to be careful. That started the first crying jag of the day. Went to the job thing (door to door life insurance, not likely, but positive enthusiastic people are good to have around), opted to head just a little further north and inquire about the culinary school I had once considered attending. By the time I left 90 minutes later, I had re-applied, been approved and been fitted for my chef's uniform. If the financial aid goes through (and I can find someone to help with the kids) I start 2/16. That's right. Next Monday. Oh. My. God. On my way out of the building, I got a call cancelling my interview with the DA's office here in town. I had really been hoping to get that job, so it was disappointing, but felt like a sign from God. Now I'm sitting here realizing that it would be so nice to have a shoulder to rest my head on tonight. Someone to pet my hair so I can calm down. Crying jag number two. I actually cried the whole way home from Austin. Fuck I'm sick of doing this alone. Of having news and no one to share it with. Of having to worry about which of my friends I'm going to impose on to pick up my kids so I can achieve my goals. I apologize to whomever reads that long winded tirade, but thanks for taking the time. Have a great weekend! :-*