Miss Kiki's blog: "My drug of choice"

I have never considered myself an addictive personality.  I started acting a fool while drinking so I quit.  No big deal.  Yeah I started up again a couple of years later, but its not like I ever really NEED alcohol. 

Same deal with smoking.  Casual smoker at best.  When I got a gnarly resperatory infection, I just quit. 

Now its becoming painfully clear that I am literally addicted to sex.  I realized the last time I did it that my entire personality changed after.  It wasn't just the release of endorphins and whatnot.  I slept well for the first time in days.  Finally felt like eating.  Suddenly the world was right on its axis. 

In general this probably wouldn't be a problem.  The fact that I'm not in a safe, stable, secure relationship with someone who wants sex all the time is a problem.  And the fact that self-inflicted orgasms do not have the same effect is an issue as well. 

I realize that putting so much value on something I have to get from someone else is the unhealthiest thing in my life.  I need to look at everything from a different perspective.  My friend has suggested some Al-Anon readings to help me deal with addiction. 

This is not a shameless ploy for attention.  I know I haven't been above them in the past.  Right now, I really do need love and support to re-establish my self-worth and come out of this without too many scars.

Have a great day everyone.

-MK