Last night I posted a blog entry detailing the most recent man to treat me as though my sexuality was the only part of me worth anything (and thank you to those who read it, especially those who read it and said, "God, what a douchebag. You deserve better."). But you know what? I'm tired of that subject. We all know some men are shallow assholes. And I'm sure you're tired of reading about it, because most of the men that read my blog AREN'T shits. I know that and you know that. So I deleted that blog entry.
But there were a couple things that came out of the discussion I had with him, and then the subsequent conversation I had with my friend Bogdan about it, that caused me to think a bit. So I thought maybe we could talk about it. And that is -- if a woman puts her sexuality out there in any way, is a guy, deep down underneath it all, only ever wanting to get to know her because he wants to have sex with her?
Now, I take stuff Bogdan says with a grain of salt. He is young, markedly immature in some ways, and Romanian, a culture that appears to be amazingly invested in machismo. That said, I do seriously want to know -- can a relationship between a man and a woman ever transcend the sex thing? Underneath it all, are all men really wanting to get laid, and is that their primary motivation for any relationship they form with a woman? Can men and women truly be friends? If a man is attracted to a woman, deep down inside himself, is any relationship that forms always going to be about sex, at least somewhat?
And, how much does physical attraction (your liking for a picture) determine how willing you are to get to know a woman? I mean, if you stumble upon a profile, and the woman sounds interesting in what she says about herself (assuming you even read it), are you less likely to want to get to know her if you don't find her picture attractive? And, if given a choice between an attractive woman without much to say for herself, or something rather unappealing to say for herself, and an unattractive but obviously intelligent woman, who is more likely to receive your friends request?
I'm not judging here. I don't think my gender is free of physical biases, either, or immediate biases in general. I don't claim to be, myself, although I do think that *generally* women are less visual and more likely to judge a relationship on other merits. (We're fucked in other ways. :) And I am saying generally, because I know there are guys who are attracted to me because of my mind (or in one case, my smart mouth) and not as much 'cuz of my body. I also firmly believe that men and women can be friends even if they're attracted, because two of my best friends fall into that category.
I also, of course, blame a culture that somehow teaches men that they're supposed to want sex above and beyond all else. I think part of that is biological imperative, but part of that is simply an inherent machismo... a culture that dictates that men are supposed to want it, and want it above all else, and that the woman involved doesn't matter in the least little bit as long as she has the correct biological parts.
So, for you, how much does the sex thing get in the way? How much does it direct and determine your behavior and relationships? Deep down inside yourself, what's really going on? Please feel free to comment.
Side notes: If anyone wants to read what I posted last night, let me know, and I'll email it to you. Also, before the evening went all to hell, I'd blogged about a completely unrelated topic -- self-identity and our need to conform with our ideas of self. If you are interested, check it out.
