Things My Kids Taught Me...
Wisdom passed on from an experienced parent--
There is no such thing as child-proofing your house
If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with rollerblades, they can ignite
A 4 year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a Superman cape
It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak - it explodes.
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep.
Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.
Duplos will not.
Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
Super glue is forever.
McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.
Ditto Tarzan.
No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
Pool filters do not like Jello.
VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when you are driving.
You probably do not want to know what that odor is. Make that definitely do not...
Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
Plastic toys do not like ovens.
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
It will however make cats dizzy.
Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
Quiet does not necessarily mean don't worry.
A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).
