LikeNRateMsCharlotte2U's blog: "Jokes"

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident, Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left but fortunately we are not hurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be really good friends."

The man thinking their might be a bright side to this, replied, "I agree with you completely."

The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely we must drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man shakes his head in agreement, opens it and takes a few very large swigs from the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police."

A group of girlfriends go on vacation and see a five-story hotel with a sign that reads "for women only." Since they are without their boyfriends, they decide to go in.

The doorman, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you're looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide, since each floor has signs telling you what's on that floor. The only rule is, once you leave a floor, you can't return to it."

The women talk it over and decide to go for it.

They start going up, and on the first floor the sign reads, "All the men here are horrible lovers, but they are kind and sensitive."

The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads "All the men here are wonderful lovers, but they generally treat women badly."

This wasn't going to do, so again they head for the stairs.,p.

The friends move up to the third floor where the sign reads "All the men here are great lovers and sensitive to the needs of women."

This was good but there are still two more floors so.........

So on to the fourth floor, and this sign seems perfect. "All the men here have perfect builds; are sensitive and attentive to women; are perfect lovers; they are also single, rich and straight."

The women are really pleased, but they decide that they would rather see what the FIFTH floor has to offer before they settle.

When they reach the fifth floor, there is only a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is simply no way to please a woman."

Microsoft has announced the release of a special Ebonics version of Windows 2000, titled "IT BE A FRESH WINDOW." There are numerous differences between standard Windows 2000 and the Ebonics version. For example, when opening the Ebonics version it will have several gangsta signs, slogans, and "shout outs". On the main screen, My Computer is replaced with _"Dis My Shit." The Recycle Bin has been replaced with a Goodwill dumpster. The network is replaced with "Da Hood." Users of the Ebonics version will notice several command and dialogue box changes: 1. Break Back In = Re-entry 2. Aww Shit, = Error 3. Itz All Good = OK 4. 4 Real Doe = Yes 5. Hold Up, Dawg = Cancel 6. Do Dat Shit Again = Reset7. R U Crazy = Are You Sure 8. Hunt Dat Down = Find 9. Put A Cap In It = Delete 10. Games & Shit = Programs 11. Letter Shit = Documents The Ebonics version comes standard with a special edition of Microsoft Works entitled "Homie Essentials." Several words on the title bar have been changed: 1. Dat Thang = File 2. I Be Seein' It = View 3. Put Sumpin In = Insert 4. Hook It Up = Format 5. Stuff I Ain't Gone Need = Tools 6. Number Shit = Table 7 Break In = Window 8. What Da F*ck??? = Help Auto Correct has been replaced with "Keepin' it Real". That is all

[ ] I know how to make a pot of coffee. [ ] I keep track of dates using a calendar. [ ] I own more than one credit card. [ ] I know how to change the oil in a car. [ ] I do my own laundry. [ ] I vote every election. [ ] I can cook for myself. [ ] I think politics are exciting. [ ] I balance my checkbook. [ ] My parents have better things to say than my friends. Total so far : 6 [ ]I show up for school/college/work every day early. [ ] I always carry a pen in my pocket/purse. [ ] I've never gotten a detention. [ ] I have never smoked a cigarette. [ ] I have never gotten completely trashed. [ ] I have forgotten my own birthday at least once. [ ] I like to take walks by myself. [ ] I watch talk shows. [ ] I know what 'credibility' means without looking it up. [ ] I drink coffee at least once a week. Total so far:13 [ ] I know how to do the dishes. [ ] I can count to 10 in another language. [ ] When I say I'm going to do something I do it. [ ] My parents trust me. [ ] I can mow the lawn. [ ) I can make adults laugh without being stupid. [ ] I remember to water the plants. [ ] I study only when I have to. [ ] I pay attention at work. [ ] I remember to feed my pets/child. Total so far: 23 [ ] I can spell 'experience' without looking it up [ ] I work out on a regular basis. [ ] I clean up my own mess. [ ] The people at Starbucks know me by name. [ ] My favorite kind of food is take out. [ ] I have gained weight since high school. [ ] The first thing I do when I wake up is get caffeine. [ ] I can go to the store without getting something I don't need. [ ] I understand political jokes the first time they are said. [ ] I can type quickly. Total so far: 31 [ ] I have realized that the weather forecast changes every hour. [ ] My only friends are from my place of employment. [ ] I have been to a tupperware party. [ ] I have realized that no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 25 and have a job. [ ] I have more bills than I can pay. [ ] All my friends are older than I am. [ ] I can say no to staying out all night. [ ] I use the internet every day. [ ] My wardrobe hasn't changed in a while. [ ] I can read a book and actually finish it. Grand Total: 40 Re-post my mental age is__and I am__

Women's Ass Size Study Here's A Recent Study That The Ladies Should Find Interesting Women's Ass Size Study: There is a new study just released by the American Psychiatric Association about women and how they feel about their asses. The results are pretty interesting: 1. 5% of women surveyed feel their ass is too big. 2. 10% of women surveyed feel their ass is too small. 3. The remaining 85% say they don't care; they love him; he's a good man and they would have married him anyway.