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MONDAY'S JOKE
What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina? The Blonde!
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
Why are blondes like cornflakes ? Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? Because she got an F in sex.
******************************************************************** TUESDAY'S JOKE
A married couple are having a fight.
Finally the wife screams at the husband to get out of the house.
She throws his suitcases at him and he packs his things.
On his way out, the woman says, "I hope you die the slowest, most miserable, most agonizing death imaginable."
He turns and says, " Oh, so now you want me to stay?"
******************************************************************** WEDNESDAY'S JOKE
Obama's New Health Care Package
The American Medical Association has weighed in on Obama's new health care package.
The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!"
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.
The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter".
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
Anesthesiologists thought the entire idea was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the ass holes in Washington.
******************************************************************** THURSDAY'S JOKE
Face the Music
A man is walking around the streets of the city one day when he spies an old friend of his from college.
"George!" he yells. "I haven't seen you in ages! How have you been?"
"Well," George replies. "I am the Clarinet player for the International Orchestra."
"Spectacular!" the man replies.
"It is not what you might think, my friend. We played for the king of England, he loves the music. He says 'Fill the instruments with gold!' and they fill the Tuba with gold and they fill the Saxophone with gold, and me with the fuckin Clarinet."
"We played for the queen of France. She loves the music; she says 'Fill the instruments with silver!' and they fill the Tuba with silver and they fill the Saxophone with silver, and me with the fuckin Clarinet.
"Then we played for the czar of Russia. He hates the music; he say 'Shove the instruments up their asses!' and the tuba doesn't fit and the Saxophone doesn't fit. And me with that Fucking Clarinet!"
******************************************************************** FRIDAY'S JOKE
LITTLE TONY ON MATH
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left ?" She calls on little TONY.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father ?
"The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3,' " I said "6", replies TONY.
"But that's right !" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3x2 ?"
"What's the fucking difference ?" asks the father.
"That's what I said !"
******************************************************************** SATURDAY'S JOKE
LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word ?"
TONY says, "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
******************************************************************** SUNDAY'S JOKES
LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss !!"
The teacher replied, 'Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."
Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN !"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."
She said, "Excellent, Michael !" Then the teacher reluctantly called on little TONY.
"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful !'"
MONDAY'S JOKES
Why do blondes wear hoop earrings? They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
Why do blondes have big bellybuttons? From dating blonde men.
Why do blondes like tilt steering? More head room.
Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs? More leg room. ********************************************************************
TUESDAY'S JOKES
Why do blonds have orgasms ? So they know when to stop having sex !
What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants? Pick them up off the floor
Why don't blondes eat pickles? Because they can't get their head in the jar.
What is the worst thing about sex with a blond? Bucket seats. ********************************************************************
WEDNESDAY'S JOKES
What does a blonde make best for dinner? Reservations.
What do blondes do with their assholes in the morning? Pack their lunch and send them to work.
What do blondes and cow-pats have in common? They both get easier to pick-up with age.
What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on? It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. ********************************************************************
THURSDAY'S JOKES
What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common? They both have a black box.
What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair? Last years hide and go seek winner.
What do you call a basement full of blondes? A whine cellar
What do you call a blonde lesbian? A waste. ********************************************************************
FRIDAY'S JOKES
What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side? An interpreter.
What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A mental block.
What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW? Divorcee'
What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning? A visitor. ********************************************************************
SATURDAY'S JOKES
What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head? All you can eat, under a buck.
What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? Frosted Flakes.
What do you call a smart blond? A golden retriever.
What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette? Artificial intelligence.
What does a blonde owl say? What, what? ********************************************************************
SUNDAY'S JOKES
Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMS over to Iraq? They're mad enough to kill and they can retain water.
Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat? In case she locks the keys in her car.
Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon? A vacant possession.
Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean? Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
MONDAY'S JOKES
Blonde Joke - To Catch a Man
Sally (a blonde) was seen going into the woods with a small package and a large bird cage. She was gone several days but finally she returned. Her! friend, Liz, never saw Sally looking' so sad.
Liz "Heard you went off in the woods for a couple of days. Glad you got back okay...but you look so sad. Why??" Sally," Cause I just can't get a man."
Liz, "Well, you sure won't find one in the middle of the woods."
Sally, "Don't be so silly. I know that. But I went in the woods cause I needed something there that would get me a man. But I couldn't find it."
Liz, "I don't understand what you're talking about."
Sally, "Well, I went there to catch a couple of owls. I took some dead mice and a bird cage."
Liz, "So, how's that gonna help you get a man."
Sally, "Well, I heard the best way to get a man is to have a good pair of hooters."
******************************************************************** TUESDAY'S JOKE
Blonde Bank Robbery
Two blondes decided to rob a bank together. The first blonde, Judy plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second blonde, Buffy, in great detail.
The robbery begins. Judy drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to Buffy, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?"
"Perfectly," said Buffy.
Buffy goes in the bank while Judy waits in the getaway car. One minute passes . . . Two minutes pass . . . Seven minutes pass . . . and Judy is really stressing out.
Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here comes Buffy. She's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car. About the time she gets the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out. The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing his weapon. As the gals are getting away, Judy says "You are such a blonde! I thought you understood the plan!" Buffy said, "I did . . . I did exactly what you said!"
"No, you idiot," said Judy. "I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!"
******************************************************************** WEDNESDAY'S JOKES
A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off,
I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn-signal fluid."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Blonde in an Elevator
A blonde & brunette are in an elevator. On the third floor a man gets on who's just perfect: 3-piece suit, great build with a nice butt.
Unfortunately, they both noticed, he had really bad dandruff.
The man got off on the 5th floor. Once the doors closed the brunette turned to the blonde and said, "Someone should give him 'Head & Shoulders.'"
To which the blonde replied, "How do you give 'Shoulders'?"
******************************************************************** THURSDAY'S JOKES
Sick of Hearing Blonde Jokes
Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and died brown.
A few days later, as she was driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?"
The shepherd, always the gentleman replied, "Of course." The blonde thought for a moment and for no discernible reason said, "352." This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed and exclaimed, "You're right! O.K., I'll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock."
The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others. When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "
O.K., now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?"
******************************************************************** FRIDAY'S JOKES
A Blonde, Brunette and Redhead on the Beach
A blonde, brunette and redhead were walking along the beach. A seagull fly's over and craps all over the blonde, the brunette say's in a disgusted voice "hang on the bathroom is just up the hill, I'll go get some toilet paper."
After she leaves the blonde begins to laugh, the redhead say's "what's so funny?"
The blonde say's "well, blondes are suppose to be so dumb and look at her, by the time she gets back with the toilet paper that seagull will be miles away!"
******************************************************************** SATURDAY'S JOKES
Why do men like blonde jokes? Because they can understand them.
Why do blondes have more fun? Because they don't know any better.
What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts? Change.
******************************************************************** SUNDAY'S JOKES
Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black miniskirts? Cause their balls show!
Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow? So they don't poop everywhere when you pull their tits.
What do a blonde and a good beer have in common? They both go down easy.
MONDAY'S JOKES
BLONDE JOKES
How do you confuse a blonde? No Need. They're born that way
How do you keep a blonde in suspense? (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
How do you keep a blonde busy? Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper
How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek? One
Did you hear about the new form of birth control for blondes? They take off their makeup
What's the ultimate embarrassment for a blonde? When her Ben-Wa balls set off the airport metal detector
What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms? Way to go team!
How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator? By the chipped tooth
Why do blondes have vaginas? So guys will talk to them at parties
What does a blonde answer to the question "Are you sexually active?" "No, I just lie there."
******************************************************************** TUESDAY'S JOKES
BLONDE JOKES
How many blondes does it take to screw the entire Bengal's team? Just One... Boomer Esiason
What's brown and red and black and blue? A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes
What happens when a blonde puts her panties on backwards? She gets her ass chewed out
Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England? She found out Big Ben is only a clock
Why can't blondes make ice cubes? They always forget the recipe
Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry? Because you don't have to marry them to have sex with them!
Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an A.M. radio? It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night
Did you hear about the new epidemic among blondes? It's called MAIDS - if the don't get one, they die
Did you hear about the blond with a Masters degree in Psychology? She'll blow your mind, too
Did you hear about the new slogan for Miss Clairol's Hair Dye? Buy a double batch and get a snatch to match
******************************************************************** WEDNESDAY'S JOKES
BLONDE JOKES
Did you hear about the blonde who had an apendix operation? Well, now she is making money on the side
Did you hear about the blonde that tried to eat mountain oysters? She was dragged 200 yards
Did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror with her eyes closed? She wanted to see what she looked like asleep
Why won't a blonde drink beer at the beach? She's afraid to get sand in her Busch
Why do blondes wear tight skirts? To keep their legs together
What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone? Divorced
How is a blonde like a postage stamp? You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way
How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer? There's white-out on the screen
How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? Blondes screw in back seats, not in light bulbs, silly
What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? You only have to punch information into a computer once
******************************************************************** THURSDAY'S JOKES
BLONDE JOKES
How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries? She has a checkbook
What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal? The Panama Canal is a busy ditch
What's the difference between a blonde and a guy? The blonde has the higher sperm count
What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde? The prostitute says "Aren't you done yet?" The nympho says "Are you done already?" The blonde says "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."
What is the difference between a blonde and a shower? A shower has to be turned on to get wet
How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook? She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece
What's the difference between a blonde and your job? Your job still sucks after 6 months
What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS? Lipstick
Why is a blonde like a turtle? They both get screwed up when they're on their back
Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month? Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."
******************************************************************** FRIDAY'S JOKES
BLONDE JOKES
Why do blondes always drink with straws? Practice
Why don't blondes double recipes? The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons
Why don't blondes eat bananas? They can't find the zipper.
What is the definition of the perfect woman? A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.
How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry" Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry
Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out a book called "How to Hug"? Got back to the dorm and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopedia...
How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer? The joystick is wet.
What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common? All you have to do is scratch the box to win.
What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator? A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.
******************************************************************** SATURDAY'S JOKES
5 Tough Questions
The 5 toughest questions women ask - and their answers The five questions are:
1 - "What are you thinking?" 2 - "Do you love me?" 3 - "Do I look fat?" 4 - "Do you think she is prettier than me?" 5 - "What would you do if I died?"
What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answer properly, which is to say dishonestly.
For example:
1 - "What are you thinking?" The proper answer to this question, of course, is, "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you." Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of five things:
a - Baseball b - Football c - How fat you are. d - How much prettier she is than you. e - How he would spend the insurance money if you died.
According to the Sassy article, the best answer to this stupid question came from Al Bundy, of Married With Children, who was asked it by his wife, Peg. "If I wanted you to know," Al said, "I'd be talking instead of thinking." The other questions also have only one right answer but many wrong answers:
2 - "Do you love me?" The correct answer to this question is; "Yes." For those guys who feel the need to be more elaborate, you may answer, "Yes, dear.
Wrong answers include:
a - I suppose so. b - Would it make you feel better if I said yes. c - That depends on what you mean by "love". d - Does it matter? e - I was thinking of how I would spend the insurance money if you died.
3 - "Do I look fat?" The correct male response to this question is to confidently and emphatically state, "No, of course not" and then quickly leave the room.
Wrong answers include:
a - I wouldn't call you fat, but I wouldn't call you thin either. b - Compared to what? c - A little extra weight looks good on you. d - I've seen fatter. e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.
4 - "Do you think she's prettier than me?" The "she" in the question could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were starring at so hard that you almost cause a traffic accident or an actress in a movie you just saw. In any case, the correct response is, "No, you are much prettier."
Wrong answers include:
a - Not prettier, just pretty in a different way. b - I don't know how one goes about rating such things. c - Yes, but I bet you have a better personality. d - Only in the sense that she's younger and thinner. e - I sorry what did you say, I was thinking of how I would spend the insurance money if you died.
5 - "What would you do if I died?"
Correct answer: " Dearest love, in the event of your untimely demise, life would cease to have meaning for me and I would perforce hurl myself under the front tires of the first Domino's Pizza truck that came my way." This might be the stupidest question of the lot, as is illustrated by the following stupid joke:
"Dear," said the wife. "What would you do if I died?"
"Why, dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband. "Why do you ask such a question?"
"Would you remarry?" persevered the wife. "No, of course not,dear" said the husband.
"Don't you like being married?" said the wife. "Of course I do, dear" he said.
"Then why wouldn't you remarry?" "Alright," said the husband, "I'd remarry."
"You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely hurt. "Yes" said the husband.
"Would you sleep with her in our bed?" said the wife after a long pause.
"Well yes, I suppose I would." replied the husband.
"I see," said the wife indignantly." And would you let her wear my old clothes?"
"I suppose, if she wanted to" said the husband.
"Really," said the wife icily. "And would you take down the pictures of me and replace them with pictures of her?"
"Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do."
"Is that so?" said the wife, leaping to her feet. "And I suppose you'd let her play with my golf clubs, too."
"Of course not, dear," said the husband. "She's left-handed.
"******************************************************************** SUNDAY'S JOKE
Blonde Joke - Andy
A Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test."
"Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy. "Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter. The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"
"That's interesting... What made you say that?" said Saint Peter.
Then She started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! Andy tells me..."
MONDAY'S JOKES
Women's Guide to Understanding Men - 4 DAYS MON. - THURS.
"I'm hungry." REALLY MEANS, I'm hungry.
"I'm sleepy." REALLY MEANS, I'm sleepy.
"Do you want to go to a movie?" REALLY MEANS, I'd like to have sex
"Can I take you out to dinner?" REALLY MEANS, I'd like to have sex
"Can I call you sometime?" REALLY MEANS, I'd like to have sex
"Nice dress!" REALLY MEANS, Nice cleavage!
"What's wrong?" REALLY MEANS, What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
"I love you, too." REALLY MEANS, Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." REALLY MEANS, I liked it better before.
"Let's talk." REALLY MEANS, I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then we can have sex
********************************************************************
TUESDAY'S JOKES
Women's Guide to Understanding Men - DAY 2
"Will you marry me?" REALLY MEANS, I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
"I like that one better." (while shopping) REALLY MEANS, Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!
"She's one of the rabid feminists," , "She refused to make my coffee."
"That's women's work," REALLY MEANS, "It's dirty, difficult and thankless."
"Will you marry me?" REALLY MEANS, "Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."
"It would take too long to explain," REALLY MEANS, "I have no idea how it works."
"Can I help with dinner?" REALLY MEANS, "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"We're going to be late," REALLY MEANS, "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard," REALLY MEANS, "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love," REALLY MEANS, "I forgot our anniversary again."
********************************************************************
WEDNESDAY'S JOKES
Women's Guide to Understanding Men - DAY 3
"It's a guy thing," REALLY MEANS, "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"I can't find it," REALLY MEANS, "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"I'm getting more exercise lately," REALLY MEANS, "The batteries in the remote are dead."
"That's interesting, dear," REALLY MEANS, "Are you still talking?"
"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself. It's no big deal," REALLY MEANS,"I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."
"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses," REALLY MEANS, "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe, wearing a thong."
"It's really a good movie," REALLY MEANS, "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and naked women."
"I heard you," REALLY MEANS, "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, "
"You know how bad my memory is," REALLY MEANS, "I forgot your birthday."
"You expect too much of me," REALLY MEANS, "You want me to stay awake."
********************************************************************
THURSDAY'S JOKES
Women's Guide to Understanding Men - DAY 4
"I do help around the house," REALLY MEANS, "I once threw a dirty towel near the laundry basket."
"I brought you a present," REALLY MEANS, "It was free ice scraper night at the ball/hockey game."
"What did I do this time?" REALLY MEANS, "What did you catch me doing?"
"Hey, I've got reasons for what I'm doing," REALLY MEANS, "I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
"You really look terrific in that outfit," REALLY MEANS, "Please don't try on another outfit. I'm starving."
"I missed you," REALLY MEANS, "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."
"We share the housework," REALLY MEANS, "I make the messes. She cleans them up."
"This relationship is getting too serious," REALLY MEANS, "I like you as much as I like my truck."
"I don't need to read the instructions," REALLY MEANS, "I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."
"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are," REALLY MEANS, "No one will ever see us alive again
********************************************************************
FRIDAY'S JOKES
The Man Code - DAY 1 OF 3
- The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
- Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.
- Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.
- Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and beaten by his fellow party goers.
- Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
- If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy.
- Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
******************************************************************** SATURDAY'S JOKES
The Man Code - DAY 2 OF 3
- The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running; late is 5 minutes. For a woman, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
- No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.
- Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having Sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
- Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he, in return is required to grant it.
- If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem --- you didn't see nothin'.
- When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
- It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're running on a tropical beach . . . and it's delivered by a topless super model . . . and it's free!
******************************************************************** SUNDAY'S JOKES
The Man Code - DAY 3
- Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
- A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
- If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.
- Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.
- If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him . . . too gay.
- Thou shall not rent the movie "Chocolat".
- Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
