Over 16,528,820 people are on fubar.
What are you waiting for?
MONDAY'S JOKES
Blonde Joke - To Catch a Man
Sally (a blonde) was seen going into the woods with a small package and a large bird cage. She was gone several days but finally she returned. Her! friend, Liz, never saw Sally looking' so sad.
Liz "Heard you went off in the woods for a couple of days. Glad you got back okay...but you look so sad. Why??" Sally," Cause I just can't get a man."
Liz, "Well, you sure won't find one in the middle of the woods."
Sally, "Don't be so silly. I know that. But I went in the woods cause I needed something there that would get me a man. But I couldn't find it."
Liz, "I don't understand what you're talking about."
Sally, "Well, I went there to catch a couple of owls. I took some dead mice and a bird cage."
Liz, "So, how's that gonna help you get a man."
Sally, "Well, I heard the best way to get a man is to have a good pair of hooters."
******************************************************************** TUESDAY'S JOKE
Blonde Bank Robbery
Two blondes decided to rob a bank together. The first blonde, Judy plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second blonde, Buffy, in great detail.
The robbery begins. Judy drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to Buffy, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?"
"Perfectly," said Buffy.
Buffy goes in the bank while Judy waits in the getaway car. One minute passes . . . Two minutes pass . . . Seven minutes pass . . . and Judy is really stressing out.
Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here comes Buffy. She's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car. About the time she gets the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out. The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing his weapon. As the gals are getting away, Judy says "You are such a blonde! I thought you understood the plan!" Buffy said, "I did . . . I did exactly what you said!"
"No, you idiot," said Judy. "I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!"
******************************************************************** WEDNESDAY'S JOKES
A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off,
I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn-signal fluid."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Blonde in an Elevator
A blonde & brunette are in an elevator. On the third floor a man gets on who's just perfect: 3-piece suit, great build with a nice butt.
Unfortunately, they both noticed, he had really bad dandruff.
The man got off on the 5th floor. Once the doors closed the brunette turned to the blonde and said, "Someone should give him 'Head & Shoulders.'"
To which the blonde replied, "How do you give 'Shoulders'?"
******************************************************************** THURSDAY'S JOKES
Sick of Hearing Blonde Jokes
Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and died brown.
A few days later, as she was driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?"
The shepherd, always the gentleman replied, "Of course." The blonde thought for a moment and for no discernible reason said, "352." This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed and exclaimed, "You're right! O.K., I'll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock."
The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others. When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "
O.K., now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?"
******************************************************************** FRIDAY'S JOKES
A Blonde, Brunette and Redhead on the Beach
A blonde, brunette and redhead were walking along the beach. A seagull fly's over and craps all over the blonde, the brunette say's in a disgusted voice "hang on the bathroom is just up the hill, I'll go get some toilet paper."
After she leaves the blonde begins to laugh, the redhead say's "what's so funny?"
The blonde say's "well, blondes are suppose to be so dumb and look at her, by the time she gets back with the toilet paper that seagull will be miles away!"
******************************************************************** SATURDAY'S JOKES
Why do men like blonde jokes? Because they can understand them.
Why do blondes have more fun? Because they don't know any better.
What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts? Change.
******************************************************************** SUNDAY'S JOKES
Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black miniskirts? Cause their balls show!
Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow? So they don't poop everywhere when you pull their tits.
What do a blonde and a good beer have in common? They both go down easy.
